You had taken it slowly with me, not that I thought that at the time. I found out that you had been keeping a watching brief on me for months, just waiting. Then without me realising, you decided I was ready, and you were right. It was as though you realised you had all the time in the world and were determined to make sure that I wanted what the future held for me and was fully aware of each step.
I'd seen you around the office at times. I'd fancied you from afar. You were far too good looking and rich for me. Actually it wasn't that totally, I could tell you were experienced and in control. I tried to give out that I was, in my bossy way, but I knew it was a mask. Really I was scared and frightened, so much so that outside work I kept myself very much to myself more than people realised. I'd never really liked parties, especially ones connected with people from work. When Charlotte, my boss, bullied me into going to hers. I was a little put out, almost not going but eventually giving in to her pressure.
I was wearing my best dress and knew that I looked reasonable. A number of men obviously looked me up and down as I entered and stood speaking to Charlotte. Soon she left me with a mixed group of people. I tried to look interested as I listened to discussions of banking and cooking for parties and share dealing. I had nothing much to offer and said very little.
Suddenly I noticed you watching me. I hadn't seen you arrive and your presence and attention both frightened and excited me. When you came over to the group I was with I could tell you were aware of me, eventually I became aware that you were flirting, with me! You were so strong and sure. After a while you took my arm and felt myself shaking as you refilled our glasses. You decided that we wouldn't be returning the group; we stood talking in a corner. I felt gauche and girlish, I knew I talking nonsense about things that I knew nothing. It was odd, in the past I'd flirted like everyone else and I'd been flirted with but this was different, I didn't feel in control and felt the need to run away to safety. I didn't, and strangely it excited me. You were careful, I realise that now, and you played me on your line. I could have escaped and yet even though I realised you were danger I stayed. God you were dangerous, yet I could feel your presence aroused me somehow. That was new.
Listening to you making me laugh and knowing I was aroused was a dangerous mix. I hadn't had a boyfriend since I'd left university. I'd only ever been to bed with two men, boys really, and they hadn't aroused me in bed as much as I was simply by you standing next to me. I knew you'd leave and I'd have to go home to my flat and fantasise. I'd even got out of the habit of masturbating I realised sheepishly. I knew I would tonight.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
I went scarlet. I could feel my face burning. I wanted to cry, to run away embarrassed. I hid within the drape of my hair, and then looked up. You kissed me! I couldn't cope. I felt your lips softly play over mine as my breathing became ragged. I could feel your body through my dress. You must be teasing me! I pulled back and looked at your face and I sank in your eyes. I hid my face against your chest. My knickers were wet! I ran away from you out into the garden like some stupid little heroine in a Victorian melodrama. The night was cool, though not cold from the strangely hot spring day. I breathed in, listened to the soft sounds of night, tried to control my emotions.
After I thought I had regained some control I walked back towards the house. You were there, standing against the doorframe.
"I'm sorry. I must just seem like a silly little girl to you."
"No. I understand. I wont bite you know. Is the garden interesting?" Your eyes were laughing but I didn't feel I was being laughed at. I smiled back.
"Not really."
"Lets see if we can find something." You held out your hand, not taking mine, but offering to take mine. You always let me think I had a choice. I gave you hand and we walked back into the privacy of the warm night amongst the trees. You kissed me again and my responses frightened me again.
"Why are you playing with me?"
"I'm not."
"Then why me? I'm not sophisticated or beautiful enough for you."
"Oh my! You are beautiful." Liar! Liar! I wanted to shout, but you continued. "You are, and how you react to me saying it shows that you aren't vain. Maybe I'd like to make you believe it, and sophistication is only experience. I've watched you. You try and hide behind a pretence of superiority at times, at other times it's merely distance. Don't be afraid. You can keep people away but it will only leave you without knowing what you can have." I closed my eyes and you kissed the tears that escaped from them, then I offered you my mouth and you held me.
In the party again you made me feel beautiful. You also made me feel protected. I felt drunk just thinking I was with you. We talked to others now as well as to each other. I laughed, and though I still felt a little gauche I relaxed more and more. At times I simply looked at you, knowing my eyes were shining. You weren't really that attractive, certainly not good looking in the obvious way, but you had an aura about you. I knew I wanted to be with you.
"Will you come back with me?" I stared up at you. My mouth was dry and I just nodded. You drove to your house. We sat in the car in silence. I watched you as I drove along with this virtual stranger. I felt frightened by what I was doing, what I was feeling and yet strangely I trusted you. I'd never slept with anyone when I'd just met him. I'd never really been bothered about sleeping with anyone to be honest. It had never been that good; I'd never orgasmed with others, not that they knew or cared. It was different with you. Somehow you made me feel like a princess, but there was more. I felt cared about and cared for, as though you would look after me. I'd never let anyone this close before and we had only just met. I wanted to go to bed with you then. I wanted you.