The party was going full blast when I arrived at the Hilton. It was a reunion of sorts, for a large group of friends from another time, a wilder time. It had been 15 years since I had seen most of these people, and as I walked into the lounge area I could hear laughter and the squeals of delight from some of my oldest and dearest friends. "LYNN! You made it!"
My friend Sandy, Sam as we'd always called her, was the first to greet me, we hugged and laughed and other people crowded around to say hello. I wasn't in the room 5 minutes before someone thrust a drink into my hand and I sipped it as I looked around at the large group. It was so fun to see these people again, we had all been such good friends back in high school and had some pretty crazy times together, the theme being drugs, sex and alcohol for the last years of our "education".
I was glad to hear that some of us had made it through that era, went on to college had careers and marriages and children. I had become a nurse, married, had kids, divorced. Pretty typical scenario for our group, I wondered why there were so many divorces among us, why couldn't we settle down and conform like the rest of the civilized world? Maybe it was growing up in the 70's, or maybe it was just that we were a lusty group, there was never enough of anything to please us. We chatted away, laughing and joking about old times, and I kept noticing people leaving in groups to go in the restrooms or upstairs to their suites, probably doing lines I thought to myself, feeling glad I had kicked that habit a few years back.
I was talking with my old friend Doug who had become a Doctor, had married and had children and seemed very happy. He was exactly like he was as a teenager, just a bit more rotund, but he still had that marvelous smile and twinkle in his eyes. I felt a light touch on my shoulder, someone was tracing the tattoo on my left scapula very softly with their finger. I knew who it was before I even turned around. "Hello Lynn", I heard his deep voice whisper in my ear.
My heart took off, but I was trying very hard to maintain my calm as I turned to him and asked, "Richard, what are you doing here?' I turned away from Doug as he started a conversation with someone else, and my eyes looked directly into the eyes of the man who had broke my heart. I could feel my hand tremble as I struggled to calm my nerves and not let him know how disconcerted I really was. He was still gorgeous, with his sandy dark hair, deep blue eyes, dark mustache and goatee, a little older, but still gorgeous. He ignored my question and said, "I always liked that wild mustang on your shoulder". I remembered laying in bed with my back to him while he traced the little blue horse tattoo around and around lightly with his finger, the memory sent chills up my spine.
"You remember," was all he said, it wasn't a question, it was just a simple stating of fact, he could see it in my eyes. "Yes, I remember," was all I could manage. "Your eyes are still as green," he said. I wanted to scream at him, to pound my fists into his chest as I remember the pain he had caused me. He had lied and cheated after I let my guard down with him and gave him my heart. Never again had I given my heart to that extent. I had managed to turn the pain into an anger that was sharp edged and kept me protected from further injury, and I used it without thought. No one would ever get that close to me again and live to tell the story.
I repeated my question, "What are you doing here?" He answered in his usual evasive manner, "Why? Aren't you glad to see me?"
"No, I'm not," I replied, as I turned away to resume my conversation with Doug and the others. I had never in a million years expected to see Richard, Mr. Dangerous as we'd jokingly called him in our younger years, at this party. The last I had heard he was out of the country and I had felt the USA was well rid of him. He was wild and known for his heart breaking ways and lack of respect for women. He was a charmer of the first order, but it wasn't real, he wasn't capable of honest love, only raw sex. And, I admitted to myself, the sex had been incredible, too bad he was such an asshole.
I wandered around the room, drinking way too much gin and tonic, trying very hard to forget that he was there, in the same room. It felt as if my internal radar was on auto pilot as I sensed his location at almost every moment of the evening, and whenever I glanced his way I saw that his eyes were on me. I was determined to have a good time in spite of that, as I danced and drank the night away, but by 1am I was pretty looped like everyone else, and I decided it was time for me to go upstairs to my suite. I didn't want to feel sick the next day and I knew I was reaching my limits for alcohol consumption with no hangover.
I glanced around the room as I said good night to everyone, making plans to meet at the park the next day for a picnic. I was glad to see that Richard was no where in sight, had probably left, and I felt safe to wander alone to the elevator and up to my room.
Just as the elevator door was sliding shut, I saw a hand reach out and push it back open, and there he was, Mr. Dangerous. "What do you think you're doing??" I asked him as he stepped into the elevator alone with me. He let the door slide shut and said, "I'm going to my room, what about you darlin?" It made me angry that he used that old familiar endearment with me, and I wanted to rake my fingernails across his face. "I am NOT your darlin, and I am going to my room as well!" Then he said, "Oh come on Lynn, I'm sorry about what happened, but that was a long time ago. Can't we let bygones be bygones, and forget about it, start over maybe?"
"HA! I would hardly think so, considering your little indiscretions cost me a marriage, a lot of money and lot of pain. Let's not even go there Richard."