We had been married almost fifteen years and we were beginning to feel it. Mike was still attentive and gentle, but even he had to admit that things were slowing down in the bedroom department, so to speak. It wasn't really upsetting me at that point, but I could see the warning signs and my body was starting to insist that the matter was addressed.
None of that sounds unusual, does it? Or unreasonable? Looking back on those days now, though, I do sometimes wonder if I over-reacted to something that was entirely normal and natural. I know that sexually, we of the fairer gender tend to mature much later than guys, and that in many ways at thirty-seven I might even have been peaking. And yet...
Mike and I had skirted around the subject for months before one evening last May (and three bottles of delightful white wine) brought matters to the forefront of our tipsy conversation.
"Am I starting to lose my looks, then? My appeal?"
Mike laughed, "Amy, you are as gorgeous now as you've ever been to me."
"To you? Do you mean I'm getting fat as I approach forty and it doesn't bother you but others might not like it?"
"Don't be silly," he poured more naughtiness, "You're no bigger now than you were in your teens. Even your nips haven't headed south by more than a fraction of an inch."
"A good inch, at least," I said with a sigh, learning what 'in vino veritas' was all about, "And let's face it, I'm not exactly Dolly Parton up here." I pointed to my t-shirt covered boobs.
"I wouldn't want you to be. Your tits are a perfect size and whatever you say, they can still turn any straight guy's head."
"So why," I asked, trying to get back to the question of Mike's waning sexual appetite, "don't you jump all over me all the time like you used to?"
It was Mike's turn to sigh, "You want the truth?"
"D'oh."
"Fair point, of course you do. Well..." he paused and I was starting to dread what he'd say next before he managed to find the words. "It's like this. I'm not bored with you. I do still find you very attractive. I'm just finding it harder to show that myself. I know the whole 'it's me, not you' thing is a terrible clichΓ© sometimes, but, Amy, this time it's for real." He paused for a second, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that it takes more, somehow, to get me as excited now as just a look at your loveliness used to do for me."
To be fair, his words were something of a relief to me but I still needed more reassurance, "Do you mean you're bored of me?"
"No! Bored is entirely the wrong word. I just seem to need a little more stimulation from you than I once did."
"More cunning tongue?"
"No, again - although I maybe should have said 'yes' - I was... Do you remember the party last month when I got rather worked up?"
I snorted Chablis, "Oh yes!" It was hard to forget that Saturday night since it was the last time Mike had not just performed brilliantly in bed after the party, but he'd actually managed to fully satisfy me - something of a rarity of late. "So, what has that got to do with this?"
"You have to remember it was you who got me so aroused, so worked up for it in every sense, yes?"
"I certainly remember a night of fulfilment. But what exactly was the difference that night?"
He set his glass on the coffee table and put an arm around my shoulders, "Amy, I got like that because of how you looked." He stared into my eyes and when I didn't react - didn't follow what he meant - he spelled it out for me. "You looked so good in front of Tim and Simon, so sexy. And that dress..."
"You're saying that I looked good because my tits were almost falling out of it?" The garment in question had been bought by me for the occasion, but I maybe should have tried it on in the shop without a bra - when I wore it at the party sans-support I found that the dress must have been designed by a guy with a tit-fetish as I really did threaten to spill out of it with every stretch or turn.
"I guess I am, sort of."
My wine-addled mind was working overtime, "Are you saying that if I look slutty then you get excited?" I wasn't sure I liked the direction the conversation was going.
"No!" Mike kissed the top of my head, "Not slutty, you looked really, genuinely sexy and...well... daring... I guess."
"Sexy?"
"Very. And daring."
My mind insisted that Mike had made sure the conversation was avoiding the mines that it had seemed destined to meander through and those two words started to take root. Sexy and daring. "Would it have worked if I was just sexy?"
"Just like normal, you mean?"
The conversation was now heading for entirely safe ground - perhaps now you can see why I love him so much, "Good answer, but I guess what you mean is that we had that night of delight because the dress was - accidentally, please note - very revealing and always threatening to reveal even more?"
"Please don't think I'm turning into a perv, but yeah, I guess that's what I do mean."
In fairness, the constant threat of exposure in front of Mike's two friends had started to warm me rather than annoy me after a glass or two that night. And, my Chablis-influenced mind asked, 'was that such a bad feeling'? It wasn't. Daring, yes, but too much? No. "You're no perv," I told Mike, "And do you know what? If that's the sort of night that follows me being daring... well, maybe I think it's worth it!"