[Unknown Number] Hi, it's me, I was just admiring your work.
Suzanne: Hi, who is this?
[Unknown Number] Oh sorry, this is Kal.
Suzanne: I'm sorry too... Kal who?
[Unknown Number] You're playing it awfully cool, Kal Kennedy. Are you recording these to leak them and destroy my life? I hate to disappoint you but I don't send dick pics.
Suzanne: OH MY GOD
Kal: So uh, how's it going?
Suzanne: I'm so sorry, I didn't think I'd hear from you!
Kal: You slipped me your number on a coffee stirrer, if I'm right about this you had actually carved it into the wood, color me impressed.
Suzanne: I like to whittle.
Kal: And I didn't make you anything.
Suzanne: It's so weird, I'm watching a panel show right now and you're on it, I don't know when it was taped.
Kal: Taped? It's live, why do you think my hands are under the table whenever they cut to me?
Suzanne: LIAR
Kal: In a few seconds when they cut to me, I'm going to unbutton my shirt. It's going to get very chesty and it's your fault you made me do it to prove myself to you.
Suzanne: Holy shit you did it. Wait. How do I know you don't just remember the moment you did that? Say my name.
Kal: I'll say your name if you tell me what you thought about the last time you masturbated.
Suzanne: You sicko! ...but ok. I thought about the way your hand touched mine when I handed you your coffee and how you made me wet just by looking into my eyes.
Kal: That went pretty well, the host looked pretty confused when I called him Suzanne but he seemed to buy it when I said I just couldn't get the Leonard Cohen song out of my head.
Suzanne: Musicians get a lot of slack. What are you wearing?
Kal: Haha! Nice. Though I guess you can only see my upper half so it's more of a valid question than it appears. I'm wearing some super sexy beige slacks and some pretty sweet sandals with socks.
Suzanne: Beige slacks with a silver rings and tattoos and a short-sleeved black shirt? That's hotttt. You're the kind of rockstar that doesn't do what people expect of him.
Suzanne: By the way your sleeves are rolled up awfully high, it's kind of provocative.
Suzanne: If you're wondering what I'm wearing, the answer is: up to you.
Kal: You're killing me, he was asking me a question there and I had no idea what he was talking about because I was thinking about what to have you wear. Up to me, huh? Ok, you asked for it. Sheer tights and a t-shirt, nothing else.
Suzanne: I don't know if the t-shirt or the tights were the more surprising part. Are you sure? If you put the word 'tights' into a sentence I will not only do it but send you a picture right now once I change clothes.
Kal: I'm pretty pleased with myself.
Suzanne: I bet you are. Kudos on using a rambling, inappropriate anecdote about your wrestling days in school as an excuse to say 'tights'.
Kal: I feel like you're stalling.
Suzanne: [Picture Message]
Kal: Ok... so you weren't stalling. I thought you might play it coy and send me like, a picture of your face, but that... how did you manage to get your bum in the shot?
Suzanne: Selfie stick. In tourist season we find a couple of them in the cafe every closing time.
Suzanne: Are you hard?
Kal: Yeah. The blood has left my face and I'm paler than usual and I can't quite focus on what these dorks are saying.
Suzanne: Did you really just call her a racist?
Kal: I'm from Ireland but I never find it funny when people say Potatoes in a leprechaun accent. Enough about the oppression of my celtic brothers and sisters, can we talk about your ass more?
Suzanne: Why talk about it when you can see it? [Picture Message]
