Letter From Carer's Rents

Dear Shoeblossom--

Since I taped this, I also have enslaved my brother-in-law Santiago and his basketball team. So I have real progress going on here in Carker's Rents!

Love,

Sugar Perez

"Sugar, I am having a devil of a time getting these thorns out of my, um--"

"Your diaper. Say it, Esteban."

"Don't--don't you think it was punishment enough for me to have to clip the bramble bushes in the yard wearing an adult diaper, did you have to keep running out and shoving the thorns IN the diaper?"

"Well, (giggle) I thought maybe it would be, you know, ecological?"

"You mean environmental? Ecological is kind of an old word."

"Well yeah, recycle what we have. I'd hate to have to buy ground glass and put that in."

"How could you even THINK of that?"

"Esteban, I am trying hard to impress upon you that I don't want you masturbating."

"But--I am someone in this community."

"You are a college football coach. Big deal."

"I--I-but people will see me out there. And the other day, when you made me wear the pink dress."

"You looked ADORABLE. And then I pulled down your frilly panties and whipped your butt with that cut off lilac bush branch."

"Kevin next door made some very rude comments."

"But he doesn't get that you're a big sissy. And you can't control yourself. Either you're sneaking off and wanking your winkie, or you make messes on my hand."

"Sugar, you are a beautiful woman, but when you keep me denied for so long and then you give me these wonderful hand jobs--"

"There's nothing wrong with that. Can't you just enjoy the massage a bit?"

"I-I can't hold back. I try, but I just--it's not in me."

"But it could be. I told you, if you can hold off for a month or so--"

"A MONTH?"

"Yes, then I might let you fuck me. See, then we could have a baby of our own. I wouldn't have to keep having them with Zack. Lissie and Jo-Jo are beautiful children, though."

"Yes, but people can tell that they're not mine, Sugar."

"I suppose that's true. I mean, they are half African-American. But they look a little like me."

"That's why the world knows I'm a damn cuckold."

"Ooops. You aren't supposed to swear. That's fifty sentences."

"Oh, please don't make me--"

"Or I could get the cat out. I just oiled up the thongs last night."

"Sugar--"

"Well, your mother told me that she would make you learn Bible verses, but I would think writing fifty sentences would be enough. I could make it five hundred."

"N-no, I understand."

"Now put on your garter belt and go in the front yard and sit at the little card table and write them, in crayon."

"But--"

"No, that's why I sent the kids to boarding school, 'cause I don't want you to claim you can't warp them."

"We do have lots more time together..."

"Sure, and I love our dress-up parties, getting you in your makeup and heels and taking you down to the Suede Lounge to meet studly guys."

"That-that's so--"

"Oh, c'mon, two girls out on the town. That's part of why I don't let you fuck me much, it's not enchanting to have a sissy husband..."

"But--I tried to give it up."

"Well, the first time I saw you using the depilatory and wearing my panties, oh it was a strange honeymoon."

"I had a very unusual upbringing."

"Yes, but I've gone with it, and I know how much punishment you need, to be reminded of what a fairy you are. My husband, the flitty machine."

"But why do I have to parade around in the yard."

"The world needs to know that it's not just being a big gorilla. You're also a Fancy Nancy. That's what the tattoo on your ass says."

"I don't want to be the laughingstock of the neighborhood!"

"But sweetheart, you already ARE. I mean, you had quite an audience out there, all your pals over the fence watching you..."

"Fuck..."

"That's one hundred sentences."

"Sugar honey..."

"No, none of that. You used to be such a tool, you and the macho assholes from across the street would be spitting and cursing and comparing lawnmowers and swilling beer. "

"We were just typical--"

"And then there were the sports nights and the poker parties, and three times a week with bowling and the darts league..."

"Those were good times."

"Oh, come on. Esteban, you would then come home and beg me to put on the strap-on and then you'd suck it while wearing your little pinafore."

"I-I know I have some kinks..."

"And you'd ask me to help you with your press-on nails. Why shouldn't the world know what you're like? You won't lose your coaching gig, after all."

"We do have a long winning streak."

"That's right. And, since the team is so fond of me, all those gorgeous twenty year old studs, they took it well when I advised them that I should put them in chastity belts."

"I can't believe they went for that. They seemed like such healthy young men."

"Well, after a couple of them walked in when I was flicking you with the wet towel and chasing you around the locker room, they kind of got the picture of what a healthy husband should be like.

"They flick me, now. When I'm trying to be a big time coach and pep-talk them."

"Yes, mysteriously they prefer your one hundred ten pound wife and they seem to fear me, too. I am now teaching them how to dress up to be tea ladies, and it helps to discard all that crappy attitude with the helmets and all."

"How-how did you convince Vincent and the quarterback, Jamie to--"

"Suck off the other team when you guys lose? It's one hell of an incentive to win, don't you think, Esteban?"

"We have the weirdest team now, Sugar."

"Yes, but I let them jerk off after every game they win, and then after every exam they pass. We don't have any problem at the school with under-educated athletes."

"You're right, Sugar. What would I do without you?"

"You'll be dancing around and holding your buttocks if you don't get the garter belt on and go out to that card table. One hundred times in Crayola crayon... "I will not be a potty-mouth."