I hate knives. My brother was mucking around with one when we were teenagers and sliced my hand open to the bone. I was damn lucky not to lose the use of a couple of my fingers. Twenty three stitches to sew it up and a permanent scar.
I'm long divorced. The ex decided the hassle of a husband and kids was more than she wanted and just shot through one day, leaving me to raise them. I think I did a reasonable job. They all seem to be doing OK.
My younger daughter, Kate, had a friend, Carleen, known as Carly. The two of them were always together, always getting into mischief. One day, when they were about thirteen they really screwed up. I can't remember the exact details, just that they'd been doing something I'd specifically told them not to do and then getting caught.
I do remember that they could have been hurt quite badly with their little stunt, and it wasn't something that I was just going to let pass. I hoicked them into my bedroom and pinned their ears back. Just to make sure the lesson stuck, Kate went across my knee and had her tush well and truly paddled. If Carly had been shocked to see me do that, she was even more shocked when I turned around and did the same to her.
"But I'm not your daughter," she tried to explain to me, but somehow her reasoning didn't sink in. She went over my knee anyway.
It's amazing how their behaviour improved after that little episode. There again, it could be that they were just a lot more careful in hiding any transgressions.
At age eighteen, Carly moved out of her home, and she and her boyfriend, Jason, rented a unit together. Honestly, I didn't think much of Jason. I thought he wasn't up to Carly's weight. She was rapidly maturing into a fine young woman, while I think he was rapidly maturing into a loser. It was a bit of a mother/son relationship in my opinion.
Late one evening, about three months after Carly had moved in with Jason, I got a call from Kate. She was upset. Cutting through all the wails and babbling, it turned out that Carly and Jason had had a big fight. Carly had pulled a knife on Jason and ordered him out of the house and Jason had skulked off home to mummy. Now Carly was upset and also feeling full of herself for her derring do. Kate was also upset and wanted to go and see Carly, but was finding it a bit hard as she was currently interstate. Could I please go around and make sure everything was all right with Carly.
Feeling slightly irritated, I agreed. It would soothe Kate's feelings and you never know, Carly might actually need someone to talk to, although I don't think I was the one she would have chosen.
So there I was, ten o'clock at night, driving over to soothe the frazzled nerves of a young woman who had just attacked her boyfriend with a knife. Oh, joy. What could be better?
I knocked on her door and she answered and let me in. She was all jittery and excited, and it didn't take long to work out that she was still a bit high from an adrenaline rush. She wanted to talk and, for the time being, I let her.
Carly chattered about how things were working out between her and Jason. Not well, who'd have guessed, and finally came around to the current evening's performance. Jason had lost another job. Apparently they expected him to get to work on time and, once there, to actually work. Some employers are like that, I've noticed.
Anyway, Jason was out of work again, couldn't find his half of the rent, or utility bills, or food, or anything, and had started bitching that Carly wasn't earning enough. She should do more overtime. She'd pointed out that if he hadn't blown his severance pay before he even got home, he could have contributed something to the outstanding bills.
Jason started abusing her; not physically, just swearing at her and putting her down. Carly had snapped, grabbed the knife and held it under his nose. She then gave him the choice of getting out of the house or losing his nose. At that stage, Jason departed. Carly didn't know if he'd be back or not, and quite frankly, she was currently hoping for not.
Now I had quite a bit of sympathy for Carly's position, honest. But she must have known by this time that Jason was a loser and a mummy's boy, and to have expected loser behaviour from him. She probably did, but she doesn't like to give up on things or to admit that she might have made a mistake.
However, I have to say that pulling the knife was a bit over the top. All she really had to was tell him to leave and Jason probably would have folded and gone.
After a while, Carly finally started to get the impression that I wasn't too thrilled with her behaviour. Unfortunately, instead of cooling down a bit more and taking stock of the situation, she started to get a bit more hyped up and aggressive.
I had noticed the rather nasty looking butcher's knife on the coffee table, but hadn't mentioned it. Now Carly picked it up and started waving it around, saying how she fully intended to use it if Jason came back. She knew about my feelings for knives, and she was deliberately goading me, trying to make me react.
So I did.
"So you're prepared to use that knife to defend yourself, against Jason, are you?" I asked her.
She nodded enthusiastically, watching for my reaction.
"And against who else?" I asked.
There was a little wrinkle on her forehead now as she considered that one.
"I'm not sure what you mean," she admitted.
"What I mean is that you screwed up as soon as you picked up that knife and threatened Jason," I said. "Jason wasn't going to stand up to you if you started laying down the law, and you damn well know it. The knife was just hyperbole, used to scare him because you were pissed off. Right now you're feeling pleased as Punch, but what if someone else annoys you? Are you going to pull a knife then? Maybe cut someone to teach them a lesson?"
Carly went all defensive. With Carly, this meant a full on attack. Jason was bigger and stronger than her. She needed the knife to defend herself. What if he'd hit her?
Fat chance of that, I thought. He'd be too scared that she'd hit him back.
I was already irritated by being drawn into the situation. Carly boasting about it and bragging about what else she'd do was really pissing me off. I thought it was time to show her the path of sweet reason.
"OK, Carly," I said. "Let's see how effective you are with that knife. In my opinion, you screwed up tonight, and you know it. So I'm going to put you across my knee and spank you. And before you start, yes, I know that you're not my daughter. If you want to stop me, feel free to start slashing with the knife."
At that stage I opened my hand and regarded the large scar across it. Then I tilted my hand so she could also see it.
"Did you know that if the knife is really sharp, you don't even feel it cutting you. There's just this impression of pressure, and then there's blood spurting everywhere.
Now where were we? Oh, yes, I remember. Spanking time."