So I resolved to find out more about myself over the next short while... I read as much as I could about bondage, types of restraints, sensory deprivation techniques, pain thresholds, and orgasm delay/denial. I was finding the whole matter more and more intriguing and mostly something I needed to actually experience. The videos I watched on-line only made me want it more.
As I was becoming obsessed, I found that I was not able to share this new interest with anyone - least of all my wife. She noticed that I was a bit "distant" many times (sure, I was lost in a new fantasy world...) and was not paying attention to her sexual needs as often as I had before. I attributed both to stress at work and that seemed to placate her. I knew that I'd have to deal with it before she figured out it was not work related. The stress I was feeling was more about wanting to be in a BDSM scene than work ever was.
Later that week, I was having lunch with a colleague. A rare event since I usually ate at my desk but he had invited me to a local restaurant to go over some work related issues he was having. Understandably, he did not want to speak at the office.
We dealt with the work stuff while eating and since we had a few minutes left before we'd be missed, we ordered coffee. He felt comfortable enough with me to ask if everything was "OK".
I asked him why he'd asked and he said that I seemed unusually agitated since we were not up against any deadlines. (Shit, I thought to myself - it's affecting my work too?) He asked if everything was under control at home and laughed that I was acting like "I needed to get laid".
I told him that everything was just fine, but I was "tied up on a couple projects". He laughed again and said, "That sounds like it could be fun!"
I could not believe that I'd said THAT. My subconscious was working overtime. I replied that I did not mean "tied up" literally and to my surprise he softly said "No? But I did..."