Internal Fire

Desire. Burning desire. It engulfs you, confuses you, focusing your entire being on one thing. Him. The longing for His touch, His voice, His scent. His presence. Him, completely owning and taking you. This fire burning so deeply and so out of control that your head spins as you try and keep your feet steady beneath you.

So focused on your chores, trying to busy your mind and body from the thoughts that push you, drive you, remind you of the need that fills ever fiber of your being the fire raging so savagely in your body that not even the most mundane task can alleviate even the smallest amount of that desire...

i want to scream out. Beg the silence of this place. Beg for any part of You. As i wander around the room everything reminds me of Him. The events that have past, fueling my fire. my heart races in my chest. my breathing growing labored yet all of it goes unanswered. The silence engulfing me... feeding the growing desire. my urgency for You rising. The knot in my stomach twisting tighter with each passing moment.

A tear slides silently down my cheek as i slowly become accustomed to the ferocity of the fire that is consuming me. Aimlessly i search for You, hoping for a small hint that You are hiding only around the next corner, waiting for me.

i long to be at Your feet, my body trembling, my eyes down... awaiting for the first touch from You. The air feeling so alive as it brushes by my skin, teasing me further tormenting me. my nakedness further exposing me. Leaving my tingling skin so much more open and exposed. How had it never seemed as powerful as it is today? What has been awakened? Do i really want it to stop?

i can feel another tear slide down my cheek. The warm path turning cool, even my own body chooses to tease me. i can feel Your finger following the same trail before leaning in and kissing the tear away.

"Aggghhhhhh!!! Please!!" i beg to the air that surrounds me, teasing my body, taunting me with unseen hands. If only i could hear His footfalls marking His return. Then this would soon be over.

"Please" i whisper and beg to the air, my legs weaken and i melt to my knees. Placing my head on the cold floor beneath me weeping softly. Desire taking me beyond words. i would beg, but to whom would i beg? Hitting my hands on the floor i sit up and resign myself to this misery. This glorious torture.

i slowly get up and work through my tasks. The fire still growing. Everything i do reminds me of You, of Your touch, Your ways, Your strength. Oh please, just a single word from You. A single touch. Is this what desire really is? Time is moving so slowly. Will this ever end? Do i really want it to end?

my heart leaps as i hear Him approaching. Master! my heart screams out. i run frantically to His chair and kneel there waiting for Him. The air around me is electrified. i hear the doorknob turning and it seems as if time slowed. i can hear the click as the door as it disengages from the door jam.

my breathing speeds up, longing for the sight of Him but i must keep my eyes down. Today has been such a test and all i desire is to throw myself at His feet, smothering them with kisses and beg Him... i am not sure what i would beg Him for but i would beg.

The tears begin filling my eyes, blurring my vision as the knot grows ever so tightly; He steps into the lodge and closes the door behind Him. Without a word i can feel His eyes exploring me. my tears roll silently down my cheeks. my torment apparent to Him. He walks in and settles quietly in His chair.

The air moves behind Him, the breeze of Him tantalizing my skin, His scent finding its way to my nose. i close my eyes in my silent terror. Taking in Him and His essence wanting to beg to touch Him. His voice still silent. i am now trembling from desire. Please Master my body begs. Please Master.

He shifts slightly in His seat, He is so close but so far. Oh to close the space that seems like an eternity between us. my nipples aching, my chest heaving, tears still streaking down my cheeks, the fire deep inside raging out of control as i tremble and shake. i can almost feel Him smiling down on me but i know better than to move.