Why did that smug expression suit him so well? Perhaps because it wasn't self-admiration as much as that 'the cat who ate the canary,' look. Today he was pleased about a particular, naughty accomplishment. Master looked at the stick test, then dropped it into his shirt pocket, even though it had my pee on it.
"That's how a real man does it," he declared. "I knew I'd get ya pregnant."
It was silly, but I loved it when he acted typically alpha male.
"You're incorrigible," I laughed. "Yes, I think I knew that, too."
"What do we do now? Do we celebrate? Tell everybody? Buy all the shit for a baby?" he asked.
I hated to bring him down, but sometimes that's my role. Well, I try not to be a downer but grounding for him. I suppose I need it, too, to not get swept up in whatever passion is possessing my Master.
"I think," I started cautiously, "that most people wait a couple of months before they tell people. The first trimester is when a miscarriage is most likely to happen. Most people wait that long let everyone know they're having a baby."
"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard," Hollis said. "Like anything in life's got a guarantee! Ya ain't gonna lose that baby. Don't even talk like that," he warned me in that tone that sends shivers all through me.
"You're right. It can't hurt me to have faith in something good. I'm not that weak I need to prepare for the worst. I'll just be happy. Are you happy, Daddy?"
"Fuck, yeah. It's how it's meant to be. You're my woman, my property--you're s'posed to have my baby. Not everything has to be so fuckin' complicated. So, yeah, I'm happy, Puppy girl."
Hollis called the El Pozo and spoke to Hugo, then called Kevin. We were going to meet them for lunch at the bar the next day. Hugo would take a break if he could but was always working during business hours. He preferred to be behind the bar, as is often the case with bartenders--once you've seen what people look like from that perspective it can be hard to enjoy yourself as a customer again.
I hadn't had much time to observe Master interacting with his family but got the sense that he just didn't. For him to arrange to have a meal with them was out of character. Why was it so important for them to know right away that I was pregnant?
Perhaps because over the years Hollis had grown frustrated at being pigeonholed as a psychopath. Sure, it was useful to his family and he liked the freedom afforded by being his true self, but it was assumed he'd never have a normal family life of his own. He'd never have a partner (or one he'd keep alive for very long), and certainly never have a baby intentionally. He was a monster without feelings. What would he want with a family?
Psychopaths do have feelings. It's like they are working with a different color palette. Certain defining emotions are intensified. Wrath, rage, frustration, ferocious independence, lust, dominance, and possessiveness--these all burn the brightest in Master's worldview. There is also a kind of euphoria that results in indulging these primary feelings, and it's enough to give me a contact high just by being with him when he's feeling fully alive.
He has other feelings, too, but they are more like ideas than anything that could touch his heart. He can be enthusiastic, playful, creative. He shows concern for me that I believe is real, though, without an ability to feel fear, an emotion like "concern" can only run so deep. I know he feels pride. He's proud of who he is and his fearsome reputation, and I know he's proud of me, too. For some reason I don't understand, he sees me as some prize he's locked down. Locked down and now, knocked up, too.
If he experiences love, I don't think I will ever understand what that feels like to him. I see sparks of it, gone in an instant. In whatever way it is that an animal loves its mate is how Master loves me and maybe less than that.
Probably the most striking thing about his way of being is the total absence of anything relating to fear. Unlike me, he can't get anxious or depressed. He's not neurotic, which is fucking refreshing. All the angst most people let fester inside them he turns outward on the world. As a consequence, there is something enviably uncontaminated about him. Maybe it's how he remains so strong and beautiful while poisoning his body.
I got ready for Sunday lunch. Yes, that sounded absurd to me, but why should it? Unlike me, Hollis at least had family, fucked up as they were. It would be the first time I'd meet Reyna when she was in her right mind. I wondered if she'd remember me from that night. Once her three friends were dead, I'd taken off the balaclava to fool around with Hollis. She'd dissociated from the situation, or that's how it looked to me.
I wanted to look less... provocative than I had that night a few months ago that I'd met them at the roadhouse. Time had flown; it was fall now, going into winter, so I opted for a black knit dress (nice and clingy, but not showing much skin), tights, and sleek zip-up boots. It was a simple outfit that emphasized my shape and my collar, so I figured Master would approve.
"Ya ain't from around here, are ya, girl?" he drawled.
"Is this wrong?" I asked.
"Nope. You're hair's fadin' out," he remarked, playing with a pastel streak.
"Yeah. Did you like it bright?" I asked. I was still curious about what turned my man on... other than violent sadism and his pregnancy fetish, I still didn't know if he had a "type." It was nice to be with someone so accepting of my appearance, but it still left me insecure not to know his thoughts about it.
He shrugged. "I like how it made ya look like a doll. That little sweet face with the big eyes, the fake hair... it was freaky. I liked it... when my dick was in your mouth."
"I think my man is a strange person," I said happily.
"Hey, at least I ain't boring, right?"
I burst out laughing. "You've saved me from my boring life. You turned it upside down, Master."
"I turned your life upside down?" he said, looking around at his clean and still mostly empty house. "Everything's changed for me, too."
"Too much?"
"It's all things I want. I ain't scared of growin' up. I see guys like that around, guys I've known forever who don' change. It's kinda pathetic... I ain't like that," he said decisively. It made me happy.
"Just don't change too much--because I love everything about who you are, Holly."
"C'mere," he said and gave me one of those obligatory hugs he interpreted was what I'd want at that moment. I still loved the sensation of being folded into his strapping body... even if it wasn't anything he needed. Being buried to the hilt in my pussy was the only type of embrace that held any meaning for him.
Speaking of which, I felt his cock swell and he roughly pressed me against it by bruising my ass. He pulled up my hem to grind on my crotch for a second, instantly giving me an aching clit erection. Something kicked deep inside me that couldn't possibly be the baby yet. Then, he stopped and stepped away. The same frustrated sigh rushed out of both of us.
"Ya get more later, Puppy. We gotta go."
I sighed. "I guess I appreciate that you're punctual. Most of the time I like it."
"Ya get your treat later... as a reward for puttin' up with my family."
"I thought Hugo seemed okay last time. I just wish he treated you with more respect. You're a good son, Holly."
