PART 6 - Like Father, Like Son?
***
LOGAN
"So, what all went down while I was away?" asked Jack, sitting on Logan's bed.
"Well, I tried as many things as I could, but was limited by lack of privacy," he explained. He handed Jack a piece of paper, on which he'd made notes.
"I wasn't expecting an actual report card," Jack snorted.
"Easier for me to keep track that way," Logan shrugged.
Jack's eyes moved across the page, slowly getting wider as he made his way down the list. "You did all these things to her?"
"Yep," said Logan, feeling pleased with himself.
"What do you mean by
sensory deprivation
?" asked Jack, brow furrowed.
"Oh, I tied her up and left her in a dark closet for about 30 minutes while I had dinner."
Logan held back a laugh as Jack's jaw slackened. "And she was cool with it?"
"I don't know if I'd say she was cool with it, but she was absolutely desperate for me after that. All melty and needy."
"Wow, okay." Jack continued to read the list. "Did she safeword at all?"
"Nope," said Logan proudly. "She did great."
He read through the list again. "You hit her?" he said unsurely.
"Slapped her a few times, yeah. Too worried about noise level to do much beyond that."
"Was she into it?"
"She squirted afterwards, so, presumably."
Jack rubbed his face. "That's fucking hot," he groaned through his hands. "Goddamnit."
"Talk to me, bro." Logan picked up on the mournful longing in Jack's voice. "What's on your mind?"
"I don't think I can do that."
"Even if she's okay with it?"
"Yeah," sighed Jack. "It fucking makes my stomach turn to think about." Logan opened his mouth to speak but Jack beat him to it. "I'm not mad at you for doing it or anything. If she's into it, she's into it. I guess I just didn't expect that."
"You should talk to her about it."
"I don't think any amount of talking will be able to change my mind," said Jack glumly.
"It's interesting this is the one thing that's made you cringe."
"It's fucking dad and I know it—
my
dad," he added for clarification, and Logan started to understand what he was getting at. "Stupid fucking asshole. It just brings it back...makes me think about what he did to mom." Jack ran his fingers through his hair.
"Hey, it's okay." Logan went to sit on the bed next to Jack and put his hand on his stepbrother's shoulder comfortingly. "It totally makes sense why that would be a trigger for you." At an early age, Jack had seen—or heard, Logan didn't know—his dad hit his mom. It was no wonder the thought of doing that to his girlfriend made him cringe.
"Fuck," he moaned, putting his face in his hands once again. "I know it's stupid. It's in a different context. She wanted it. But I just can't stomach the thought of it."
"It's not stupid at all, Jack."
"What's stupid is that this is the only thing that really bothers me. Like, how can I enjoy pushing her around, restraining her, getting rough, but just slapping her makes me sick?"
"What your dad did to mom is fucked up. Domestic abuse is fucked up. You aren't like that. The fact that you don't want to hit your girlfriend...well, it's normal, you know? Just cause you like certain kinky things doesn't mean you like all of them."
"But
she
liked it. What if I can't be a good Dom? What if I'm not even one after all?"
Logan sighed. He hated seeing Jack beat himself up like this. "There isn't one type of Dom, Jack. And there isn't a right kind or a wrong kind. And you don't have to hit her to be a Dom."
"You don't seem to have a problem with it," muttered Jack.
"I'm a sadist," he shrugged.
"Really? But you're so...
nice
most of the time."
"Yeah. In real life. But sexually, I like an outlet."
"What's it like?"
"In what way?" Logan had never been asked that question before.
"What does it feel like when you hurt her?"
What a loaded question. Logan wanted to be nothing but honest with Jack when it came to matters of Killian but this felt like a hard one. How could he explain it? How could he say it without sounding like a monster? That voice in his mind that used to gnaw at him had resurfaced. He hadn't heard it for a long time.
"It's electric," Logan said finally. "It gives me butterflies to see," he swallowed, "fear in her eyes." He found himself unable to look at Jack directly. Even after everything they had done together—sharing Killian—he wouldn't have been surprised if this was what earned him a punch in the face. Not many people would understand. "There is this incredible connection I feel when I strike her."
Jack was quiet for a long time.
"I should have talked to you about it first," said Logan eventually. "I'm sorry, I didn't even think of it."
"No, it's okay," Jack sighed. "I just...might need your help if that's really what gets her going." Jack shook his head, and said, "I'll talk to her. Anyway, anything else I missed?"