My key fumbles around the lock three times before I manage to get it in place and turn the deadbolt on the front door.
Sir's truck is in the driveway. He's home, and he hasn't messaged or called.
I'm angry.
I slam the front door behind me and kick my shoes into the closet with far more force than necessary. I shoulder the closet door shut roughly, throw my keys down on the table and watch as they skitter loudly across the top. I toss my bag carelessly into the corner on the floor, knocking a potted fig plant over in the process and then staring at it in rage for a moment before turning away and making my way into the house without touching it
Hurricane Pumpkin, coming through.
The little girl inside me is having a melt down I've long since given up trying to contain. The mask of passive happiness I put on to get through the day can come off now. I'm home, and everything I've bottled up inside comes pouring out.
Frustration and anger wash over me, sending waves of unpleasant heat through my stomach and chest. Tears burn behind my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.
I've had a long day of fixing other people's mistakes, playing bad cop with my crew, and being frustrated with my Sir's attention being elsewhere.
I am in a foul mood.
I'm mad at the world
I'm mad at my Sir.
I want to slam things and smash things and cry.
And I don't care if it's unreasonable.
I stomp my way to the bathroom for a shower, and my Sir stands in the doorway to the living room as I approach.
"What in the world is that racket?" He asks, but I don't answer him. I don't even look at him.
Sir's hand snakes out to catch my arm when I attempt to pass him.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" he asks. His voice is calm and concerned, and that only fuels my anger more.
"You'd know if you'd bother to check your texts," I hiss. I pull my arm roughly from his grasp and glare at him.
I know that I'm not really that angry with him, but I can't contain my building fury.
"I'm sorry, pumpkin. I was busy today. I knew you'd be home soon, so I thought I'd wait til you got here and we could talk. Go take your shower and then we can sit down."
I turn my back to him and mutter, "whatever," under my breath.
I haven't even taken my first step when he demands, "Pardon me?" in a quiet, forceful voice.
Shit.
I turn and meet his gaze, but I say nothing.
He studies my face for a moment in silence and I wonder what he sees. Tensions licks over my entire body. I'm practically shaking with it.
He takes a step back from me and moves into the living room, instructing me to follow him with a crook of his fingers.
I begin to argue that I want to shower, but he ignores me.
My anger climbs another notch.
Ignoring me. Again.
I don't leave, but I don't follow him either. I'm pushing my luck and I know it, but I can't seem to make myself care.
When he reaches the couch he turns back toward me.
"Come here," he quietly says.
I hesitate just long enough for him to raise an eyebrow, then move toward him.
With each passing step my tension increases. I'm buzzing with it. My heart pounds in my ears and my hands shake.
I clench them into fists at my side.
I want to yell at Sir.
To demand to know what was so important that it took him away from me when I needed him.
To rage that everything is terrible and it's all his fault, whether it is or not.
I want to fight with him.
I want him to hold me.
I don't know what I want.
I stand in front of him finally, my eyes bouncing around in an attempt to avoid his scrutiny.
My nails dig into my palms while I fight to maintain my silence. I'm afraid that once I open my mouth, my unchecked emotions will pour out. Sir's eyes zeroing in on my mouth make me realize I have my bottom lip clamped so tightly between my teeth that I taste blood.
"Are you angry with me, pumpkin?" Sir asks.
I blink furiously as tears prick the corners of my eyes. I lower my face and breathe shallowly through my open mouth, fighting to keep my emotions in check.
"No," I mutter.
"No, what?" he asks. But I don't offer him "Sir."
I'm being disrespectful. I don't care.
"Look at me."
But I don't. I can't. And when he reaches his hand out to tip my chin up, I jerk back violently.
If he touches me, I know I'll start to cry.
"Pumpkin," he says in warning.
"What?" I spit out, petulantly.