I suppose I'm still in work mode I woke at 5.30 when my alarm was going off somewhere else. Chrissy was still holding on to me I wriggled into her hoping for a bit more of last night's fun.
She opened her eyes. Smiled and said, "you haven't asked me to marry you yet".
"Will you?"
"Yes, yes I will on condition I can spank you every day!"
"Kevin?"
"Yes, love,"
"Have you woken me up hoping for a fuck? Be honest, I won't change my mind."
"Er, yes I said, a bit shame-faced I'd been seen through."
"You don't know too much about your own body do you?"
"Why". was the best answer I could come up with."
"When I had you up the bum to finish off last night I emptied the tank sweetheart. If you have a stiffy go for a piss, that's all it is. I doubt you will make enough to stain my stockings by tonight."
"But!"
She laughed. "I'll prove it to you!"
After 5 minutes sucking, wanking nibbling and biting I hadn't got hard. I was aghast.
"Don't worry, It's temporary."
"What time is it,"
"Gone six," I said.
"SIX, you woke me up for a fucking poke at six in the bloody morning. Fuck off and let me sleep. If you wake me again before eight unless the house is burning down I'll cut your balls off."
"What about breakfast."
I told you I don't fucking cook. There's a cafe opposite the pub, Go."
She snatched the duvet, wrapped herself up in it, and peeped out of the little hole she had left to breathe, "are you still here?"
I grabbed my clothes and left the future Mrs Baily in her pit. The cafe as it happens is excellent. As I walked in Guy was sitting alone at a table.
You escaped then Nobby. I wondered if she would eat you alive. Only bits I said. "She is some woman. If I thought I had a chance she could undo all my mummy's knitting."
"Pardon!"
The old joke you silly sod. "
Eh!"
"My mummy made me a homosexual if I get her the wool!"
The penny dropped with a clatter. "Oh yeh. Will, she knit me one?"
"You got it Nobby."
"What's with the Nobby?"
"Like it or not mate, after last night's fragrant infraction of the public decency laws in my Boozer, the lanes, now call you Nobby."
"I pissed her off Guy."
"How so."
"I woke her up at six."
"I've never seen her without the sun up," said Guy. "I thought she was a vampire."
"She told me to fuck off and go. I wasn't sure if he was serious."
"Listen Kev, you don't mind Kev do you."
"Guy the world, apart from my mum and Chrissy calls me Kev."
"The Lanes" mate, the lanes call you Nobby now."
Guy,"
"Yes,"
"The Lanes?"
"It's this area of Brighton buddy, It's called The Lanes." Two gigantic breakfasts were placed in front of us. "Thanks, Lil," said Guy. "Lil, this is Nobby, Nobby this is Lill of Lilly's Cafe the best cafe in Brighton."
"Is this the fellah everyone is talking about? The Ice Maiden's new squeeze?"
"He ain't a new one Lill. He broke her little schoolgirl's heart and turned her into the ice maiden years ago. He's back, and trust me Lil the ice has melted."
"Yeh I hear he has a special ice-melting probe."
"Oh for fuck sake you two there is a bit more to me than a big cock."
"Kev, I'm going to be serious," said Guy. "Make the most of it it doesn't happen very often. Most everyone in the lanes is a bit broken. You broke my best friend and my keeper. I hope you are back to fix her. She doesn't deserve any more shit in her life."
"They don't come more broken than us knobby. Lil there, she cooks mean breakfasts and lunches, you will never see her in my place cos she is an alcoholic. We are all a bit broke ain't we Lilly? Lilly nodded.
Guy, went on." We get by not taking anything seriously. Don't fuck us all up by hurting one of our number, least of all her, she is the best one here. Don't make us worry that something we say will upset you. We can't afford that."
"Sorry Guy I'll try and do better."
"You're doing OK mate. I just wanted to tell you how much most of us feel about her."
Somehow the breakfasts had disappeared. "I've got to get back mate," said Guy. "Sorry to go on but we all love her and I needed to pretend I'm her big brother. Guy gave me a funny look, do you want to prove to her you are hers?"
"Is there a way buddy?"
"Maybe, but I got to get my skates on, Upstairs is booked this afternoon I need to be sure it's shipshape."