*This story is based off the events mentioned and not mentioned in the song EX-Boyfriend, by Lil Dicky. It will be told from each characters point of view. Enjoy
*
EX-Boyfriend
"How in the hell did I get here?" Cris thought to himself, as he was blindfolded and strapped to the Saint Andrew's Cross. I knew I shouldn't have invited Katie and her boyfriend out drinking, but it had been forever since I had seen her. Cris reflected back on the day he met her and up to the point where he ran back into Katie as his legs were strapped to the cross....
"Urgh, another day of work," Cris told himself as he shut off his morning alarm and got out of bed. He began his warm up for his morning workout routine, which was already a simple task since his legs exceeded the length of his bed. Being 6"4', not many beds met his height requirement to sleep in. However, being prior military, he had learned to sleep anywhere. Also due to being prior military, he had picked up a rigorous workout routine that he continued even after being out of the service for the past 6 years. It seemed to fit his body well as he continuously got stares and smiles from the ladies everywhere he went. But being the 34 year old virgin that he was, Cris never realized the intention behind their smiles. Looking like a cross between Ashton and a little bit of Hugh Jackman early Wolverine days will get that reaction. Plus somehow he managed to keep a nice tan year round without visiting the tanning salons. When he was enlisted, his squad members insisted he was part black.
After finishing his workout routine, Cris showered and got dressed for work.
"Glad I only have a morning shift today," he thought to himself while lacing up his boots and sliding on his vest. As he started to walk out the door, he was stopped by a bark.
"Ha-ha! Bet you thought I was about to leave didn't you boy?" Cris said to his dog as the Newfoundland walked up to him. Cris had received a Newfoundland puppy from his first girlfriend's family when he was growing up in Minnesota and to this day, he continued to have one. Cris went to the cabinet and got out a can of dog food for Kal. Cris mixed the food with some kibble as Kal looked on.
"Don't worry boy, I wouldn't forget to feed you. I'll add extra to your bowl since today's a long day. But I should be able to wrap up everything in the office and be home by 5 to take you out for a nice run this evening. The days are getting colder and nobody likes to work long on casual fridays, so it's the perfect time to stretch your legs with a nice run," Cris explained to Kal, as he placed the bowl of dog food down in its place.
"Now, don't mess up the place while I'm gone" Cris said over his shoulder as he walked to the door. Being an investment banker does have its perks, he smiled to himself as he closed the door to his modest two-story home. Never would've thought a Leather Necked jar head would get this far in life, but he was proud of what he had accomplished since getting out of the military. Cris walked over to his truck and got into the giant F150. Being tall still forced him to have to duck his head to get in, even in the massive frame of the vehicle. He started the massive raised truck and drove into work.
Meanwhile across town...
"David, bruh, it's been 3 months and you still ain't smashed? Yo,you need to cut that chick loose dawg," Nate joked with David as they played NBA2K17.
"Naww bruh, you don't get it. Peep this. I been datin' this girl named Katie, she hot as hell. Her body is crazy, vagina shaven and it don't smell. I don't fall for chickens, but this one's a little different, body sickening, plus she's good at making breaded chicken. She got me thinking she the one, man. Hell even fully clothed, shawty really fun man. You know I've had a lotta hoes, but none of those come close. I swear this the most that I've ever felt so damn exposed. Oh, yeah there's one more thing, and I know this shit's gonna sound insane, but I still haven't hit it. I admit it, I wish I was kidding, but I've never been up inside before." I explained as the game wound down. I was whooping Nates ass with the Utah Jazz.
"Damn, I was just bullshittin' to throw you off yo game bro! Didn't know you really was blue ballin' after this chick bruh. She sound like she savin' that shit for marriage bro." Nate apologized as he attempted to catch up, down by 12 with 2min left. The outcome was looking bleak for a comeback.
"That's because she's only fucked one guy before and though I really wanna boink this whore, she's still my sweetie 3.14. So I'm stayin' patient and masturbatin'. Hey Nate, pause the game. I just got a text message. I don't want you to blame me pausin' it for this ass whooping you gettin'. Oh shit son! It's from Katie!" My heart started racing as I read the message.
"Ok, you can unpause it. I'm 'bout to finish this game off and send you home bro" I said after I read the message.
"Damn dude, you soundin' all emotional and shit. What it say?"
"Nothin'. Just that tonight we gon' do some fornicatin', so you know hells yeah I'm down! I'm 'bout to go all out. I'm gonna pound that crazy, like an elaborate black man handshake."
"Jigga what? An elaborate black man handshake, really? Ain't no handshake I do elaborate. Ain't my fault if you ain't got rhythm with the handshakes you be doin', ol' busted ass," Nate exclaimed as the game ended. Being a sore loser, he attempted to blame the game on the comment.
"See?! Comments like that is why I was throw'd off all game. No wonder I lost! Next game ain't no talkin' when we playin'! I know and you know, ain't no way Lebron losing to no soft ass Utah Jazz!"
"Yeah,yeah,yeah, anyways you need to bounce! Katie said she headin' this way around 4, so I gotta get dressed and ready to put in some work cause we going out to get something to eat first before the main event. Don't let the door hit yo ass as you roll out bro" I said as I gave Nate a handshake.
"See, that shit right there, elaborate as fuck, boy" I said as we finished the handshake and he walked out. Time to shower. I wonder what smell good to put on for tonight. I know she be feelin' that Curve, but I think I'm gon' try that Gucci Guilty cause I'm gonna feel guilty about what I do to that pussy tonight.
But back at Katie's place...
"Girlllllll, you been stringing him along for damn near 3 months, when you gon' give David some pussy? I know you want the dick! We been friends since high school, even went to college and moved out here to New York together, and I ain't ever seen you make a guy wait this long,or shit, even seen you wait this long for some dick. I know you getting tired of going to the store and buying batteries. The damn stock boy already starting to set batteries aside for you. As soon as you walk into the store, he be waiting there in the battery aisle for you, and don't say you ain't noticed that either" explained Gertrude, my best friend since high school. We were sitting at the kitchen table in my townhouse getting my client's list in order for their upcoming appointments. I was explaining how things were going with David when she went into that barrage on my sex life.
We had became friends back in Minnesota when her parents moved to our town from Germany after getting out of the Air Force. Her father was an average sized black man, that ended up becoming the Sheriff of our town by the time we were seniors. He kind of reminded me of a mix of Samuel L Jackson and Ashton Kutcher. You know, always looking mad, but had a weird sense of humor that always seemed to work. Gertrude's mom, which it took me forever to realize, reminded me of the 'Cash me outside chick.' Guess that explained where Gertrude got her way of speaking from because in the suburbs we were in, nobody else spoke like her. Even up to this day, after her degrees in Environmental science and Engineering, she always resorted back to speaking like she was some kind of hood chick when ever she was telling me off.
"All I'm sayin' girl is give him some. He's been the best guy I've seen you datin' and I can tell you are startin' to fall for him. I haven't seen you this lovey dovey since high school when you were dating Cris' stupid ass," she continued, bringing up the name of the guy who's V-card I had tried to take. Then after we broke up, he told the whole school about it because I wasn't thinking of the proper church values of sex. Hell, since then, he is still the only guy I've failed to sleep with, and he's my inspiration for everything I've learned in order to be successful in my current job. When he ridiculed me our senior year, something snapped inside me. I began studying and researching all I could about BDSM and kinks. I found out that there are lots of older pervs that would pay good money to be abused, tortured, used to my pleasure, and even clean for me. It helped a lot during college as tuition was expensive at State, but I am currently making a decent living with my job as a professional Dominatrix here in New York. Which is what has led me to be very cautious about who I even think about sleep with. I mean, it's been impossible to find someone attractive, sweet, charming and into me while being a gentleman the whole time without their only interest being centered around being abused and my slave. David has been the only one so far and his only annoying trait is his nickname, Lil Dicky. I'm really hoping that it isn't a moniker he lives up to because I've decided to put everything out in the open and let him know we were going to have sex tonight.
"Trudy, you know what? You are right, and I already texted him and told him we were going to have some fun tonight. I'm just nervous because... what if he thinks I'm too freaky for him? I mean, look at my place...." I trailed off, pointing out all the various items and toys that were strewn across the room and in random spots. David had never been to my house and I was afraid to show him this side of me. How would he react to finding out his girlfriend enjoyed busting and torturing balls, having men, and at times women, licking her heels and toes? Sometimes being used as living furniture, let alone the big ass Saint Andrews Cross that took up a portion of the master, correction, Mistress' Bedroom. Many a fun and painful night for my clients have been because of the spankings and peggings they have received while attached to the cross and at my mercy. Especially when they were blindfolded and not expecting the lashes, thanking me for each one and begging for the next one. I got slightly moist at the memories from my last client.
