Edited by Rosmarina (whose advice and assistance are much appreciated)
Please do not reproduce this story without permission.
== Chapter 10 ==
Although I was very tired, I did not want to go off to bed immediately. I needed time to unwind a little first. I sat there thinking over all I had discussed on the phone with Master and my mind began to drift back to memories of times when I'd experienced the most deliciously conflicting emotions. My memories of the many times Master had put me through situations which I very much wanted to experience but that were at the same time very challenging were something that always caused me enormous excitement and intense arousal.
Master had taught me that a D/s relationship often includes elements that are the reverse of how a conventional *straight* relationship functions. Of course many things are the same since love, trust and openness are essential in any relationship. But he also liked to impose on me the reverse of what someone might expect between intimate partners in order to constantly remind me that our relationship was different. Master wanted me to always be aware that while in our relationship I felt appreciated and protected I was definitely not equal.
I was frequently spanked, beaten or in other ways made to suffer but these were reminders to me of my place not abuse. Master taught me that such treatment was not intended as punishment, but rather to show that I was loved. If I was humiliated or otherwise *forced* to degrade myself it was done to allow me to express a side of myself that I enjoyed (even if I was often too shy to admit it). If I was made to watch Master while he was served by another girl it was because I enjoyed being a voyeur and I really got off on the emotional masochism this involved. These are just examples of things I learned to accept as part of our relationship but which might seem strange or even abusive to the *average* person.
None of these activities ever upset me or damaged me in any way as Master was very careful to control any situation so that there was no risk of that. Although I certainly found that some of these experiences required a willingness to accept emotions I initially found difficult, I loved that my horizons were constantly being extended. Afterwards Master would always *debrief* me so that if I had any issues I could talk them through with him. But we both knew that the intention was to gradually increase my tolerance for whatever he wished to subject me to, and that in so doing I was gaining a great deal as a woman as well as becoming a better slave. After all, this need for ever-deepening submission was what I'd told him I wanted when I first gave myself to him.
As I reflected, the memory of the first time I'd been *forced* to watch Master with another girl came to mind. I had begun to yearn for such an experience as I felt that being put in such a position would give me a very intense emotional experience and make me more acutely aware of my slavery. It was something we began discussing not long after I came to live with Master, and this was entirely at my own suggestion.
Master allowed me to use a spare computer that he'd set up in a small room next to his office and I was able to go on-line whenever I had time to spare. Although I was strictly forbidden from talking with other men, I was permitted to exchange emails with submissive women in an informal way as long as I kept him informed of what I was doing. I often discussed the conversations I had with him, and if anything especially interesting came up I usually emailed him a copy of the log containing full details of what had been said, so nothing was ever hidden from him.
I know that on-line relationships of even the most innocent kind can cause problems, but Master encouraged me to seek out like minded submissive women to talk with as he was aware that as a slave I did not have the same kind of informal support networks of friends and work colleagues as most *free* women enjoy.
Initially I never had any intention of doing more than sharing my experiences living a D/s lifestyle with women who were in a similar situation to mine, but as there were very few such women on-line I also began talking to submissive women and girls who were still exploring their interest in such a lifestyle. Even at my own early stage of slavery I was far more experienced than many people I had contact with, and naturally they asked me all kinds of questions.
Most of the girls I talked to were very impressed that I was already living a lifestyle they could only dream about and occasionally they asked if Master would be willing to train them. When I queried him about such a possibility he just laughed and said I already took up enough of his time and he was too busy to train anyone else. Of course Master was happy to spend as much time as he could training me, but it was not his idea to include another woman in our relationship at such an early stage. I know Master is not the type to play around as he prefers experiences that are deeper and more long-term. He doesn't have much patience with people who are always on the lookout for a bit of *fun* and he thinks that way of thinking is superficial at best.
When I had to tell one of the girls who'd asked if I could arrange training for her that Master was too busy to do so they were always disappointed. Some practically begged for even the most limited opportunity and gradually the thought formed in my mind of a way in which I could simultaneously help them, give Master some pleasure without taking up a lot of his valuable time, and provide myself with an experience that I was sure I would enjoy and which would also allow me learn a lot about myself.
I've always had voyeuristic tendencies. I *like to watch* and I get really turned on being a bystander when some sexual activity is taking place. When we were younger Chloe would often "play" with her girlfriends and make me serve as her maid. Sometimes they would play at kissing each other, and this often led to more overt sexual behaviour, semi-nudity and sometimes quite depraved scenes...
I was allowed to be there and watch but not permitted any direct involvement. I assume Chloe thought that this was a good way of humiliating me, but in reality I very much enjoying seeing them lift their skirts and masturbate together while I had to continue bringing drinks and act as if I was not seeing anything unusual. I liked being ordered about by them while I was naked except for a frilly cap and a little apron that barely covered my pussy while they were more conventionally dressed even while they indulged in all kinds of depraved activities. I found all this a delicious form of torment.
I'd not had the opportunity to do anything like that since I'd been with Master except on a few occasions when Chloe had visited us. At those times she had not been sexually involved with Master and I was the one who had been made to display myself, so that was different. I began to wonder about setting up something where I could watch Master with a girl I'd chosen for him. Before saying anything to anyone I was in contact with on-line I knew that I needed to talk with Master about what I'd been thinking.
