Edited by Rosmarina (whose advice and assistance are much appreciated)
Please do not reproduce this story without permission.
== Chapter 3 ==
Despite loving Chloe very deeply and enjoying serving her very much, in my head I still wanted to be with a man. Although I felt very comfortable being Chloe's plaything in every way, I felt I needed a male presence to dominate me. I now knew two things things I absolutely required in any future relationship: it would be an older man, and he would have to be willing to tie me up.
When I was finally able to go out without being subjected to my mother's ever-watchful gaze I got to meet a few guys, but it appeared that my fantasies were far in excess of any actual experience I could find. My attempts to find an older man who would treat me in the way I wanted were disasters, only distinguished by the degree to which they failed to match my very active fantasy life. Many men were interested in my hot teenage body and in order to get into my pants they would tell me how they would dominate me. But in reality, they were not truly dominant men. They rarely even knew anything about bondage, and if they did it was just some kind of kinky sex game to them. They really knew no more about how to treat a submissive woman than did most boys my own age. Finding the kind of man who would truly understand me, and could give me what I now knew I needed, was much more difficult than I had expected.
Since my time with Tony I knew of various undesirable night spots, bars and night clubs. I thought I knew where to go to find the kind of men I hoped might be able to dominate me. I would dress up in a tight top, short skirt and "fuck-me" heels and head off. But I couldn't simply go up to some hunky looking guy and ask him if I could submit to him, so I just hung around waiting for someone to approach me. It rarely took very long. I always had plenty of offers but most of the guys who tried to chat me up were only interested in a quick fuck or acquiring a young trophy girlfriend to impress their friends. Neither outcome was remotely interesting to me.
I didn't want to be approached with lame pick-up lines. What I really wanted was this: I wanted someone to just pull me out of whatever sleazy bar I was in, take me out into the car park, slap me around a bit and push me into their car without a word. In my imagination, as he drove he would order me to undress. If I hesitated, as I would very briefly just to see what might happen, the stern look he gave me would be enough to have my fingers unbuttoning and unzipping what little I had on. I wanted all this to be done as if the man had total authority over me and there was no need to ask for my permission. I wanted him to act in a way that was firm but not brutal. A way that meant I was expected to follow instructions without question. I was not to question. I was to obey.
Instead I got many puzzled looks and outraged comments from those who found my indifference to their charms impossible to understand. Often I had to move on empty-handed to another bar when I'd worn out my welcome. Very occasionally I'd meet someone with enough charm to enjoy a bit of conversation. Then I'd try to steer the discussion towards to my interests so as to hear his views. It was no problem to get these guys to talk about sex, but I was not interested in just ANY sex. I wanted to talk about a specific kind of sex and if the conversation was not developing as I wished I sometimes asked the man I was talking to if he had ever tied anyone up or in other ways tried to discover if he was on my wave-length. Mostly my attempts fell flat as it quickly became obvious that the guys I met either didn't understand what I was talking about or thought I just wanted kinky sex.
This went on for quite some time. On those rare occasions when a found a potential match, it went nowhere or ended in disappointment. For example, one night I met Dave. He did seem to know what I meant by bondage. In fact he told me sotto voce that I should call him Master Dave. He didn't seem very dominant and I was certainly not going to address him like that on such short acquaintance, but at least he was familiar with the subject. We had an interesting conversation, and then Dave... er, Master Dave as he kept insisting I call him, told me that it would be better if we continued our discussion elsewhere. I liked that he told me rather than asked, but I was uneasy about going anywhere with someone like him. Although I'd often imagined that I would feel swept away by a dominant force and simply do as I was told this presupposed some feeling of recognition as kindred spirits. Dave was clearly lacking in dominant force department so I was very sceptical he was what I needed. On the other hand, if I didn't go along with "Master Dave" at least for a while how would I know if he was what he claimed to be?
With many reservations, but coasting on a wave of something close to desperation after after an already exhausting search I followed him out of the bar. I was full of conflicting emotions but I tried to ignore the red lights which kept flashing in my mind. His car was just outside and he suggested I get in. There was still no explanation of where we were going, but I decided to go along and see how things developed. We only travelled for a few minutes and there were no instructions to strip naked or do anything else. In fact we hardly said a word, and my mind was fully occupied with debating whether I was being very brave or very stupid to go with this man.
We soon drove into a yard and "Master Dave" announced that this was where he lived. He got out and I followed him inside. Once the door was closed I had an awful feeling. It was not that I feared being raped or anything like that. Dave did not attack me or seem about to do so. But the house was very untidy and had an unpleasant smell like it had not been aired for a very long time. I stood there trying to decide whether to make some excuse and leave. "Master Dave" said, "Since you want to be my slave you should be on your knees." We had not actually discussed anything about me being his slave, so I was surprised that he'd made the assumption I wanted any such thing. I just looked at him.
"On your knees!" Dave shouted at me as he reached out and tried to drag me further into the house. I took a few steps, more from shock than any desire to go with him. Dave seemed to take my continued silence as assent, and he sat in a chair and unzipped his trousers. He took out his cock and asked me if I wanted to suck it! I didn't, but I couldn't speak because I was still trying to think what to say. Before I could come up with the right words for such a strange situation, Dave said, "I've always wanted a slave girl and you can move in here as soon as you want. While I'm at work you can clean the place up a bit. Just make sure to have dinner ready right on time when I get home or I'll have to punish you. Now suck my cock."
Suddenly it was only too clear what "Master Dave" had in mind for me. It had no connection with the erotic submission I was seeking, but I didn't feel he would understand if I tried to discuss it with him. So I ran.
The front door was not locked and I managed to open it without any trouble. I got out of there as quickly as possible and took off. Somewhere behind me I could hear "Master Dave" yelling. He wanted to know where I was going. I didn't know the answer myself, except it was somewhere else.
After that I was careful not to take up any further invitations to "go somewhere" with a man I hardly knew. I talked to a lot more people, but most of them seemed to think I was some kind of nymphomaniac just looking for excitement. I gradually realised that I was searching in the wrong places and that it was unlikely I'd ever find anyone who understood me this way. That realisation was quite depressing.
Maybe I was simply inexperienced in the ways of the world but slowly I understood that starting a relationship was just about sex to most men, with no deeper interaction involved. What I was looking for was something that extended much further and had the potential to go much deeper. Something involving trust, commitment, understanding, caring, responsibility. These seemed to be foreign concepts to most of the men I met. During all the time I was trawling the bars and clubs I never felt that I could trust any of the guys I met to look after me and care for me. I think most submissive women need and want to feel a real sense of connection with their dominant and this involves some kind of meeting on the intellectual plane as well as many other things. Most of the men I'd met thought it was just bondage, punishment and sex --- end of story.
Then someone told me about a "BDSM Club" and suggested I go there. It was only open two nights a week so I went along not knowing what to expect. The entrance was a small dark doorway with a single bare lightbulb overhead. The bouncer looked like a biker and probably was. I found that as a single woman I didn't have to pay, and when I walked down the steps and emerged into a large room I could see why. Two thirds of the patrons were men. There was a bar at one end of the room and a small stage at the other. Nothing was happening on the stage, so I went to get a drink. It felt like every eye in the room was on me as I headed for the bar.