"Excuse me?"
I hear it in the tone of your voice that I've absentmindedly done something that has gotten your attention and not in a good way. Your eyebrow is raised in such a way that it is not merely a warning. I know that look, and it's the one that says I've '
really'
stepped into it. I immediately try to think of what I just said or did, but nothing comes to mind, and I feel that deer in the headlights sensation as the color drains from my face.
"I must have heard that incorrectly."
"Uh," I start to say, trying to backpedal because I honestly don't remember what came out of my mouth while sitting at the dinner table. The restaurant is just loud enough that I'm relying more on your visual cues, screaming everything to me,
you're in big trouble, little girl.
I slowly wipe my mouth and look down at my plate; I've eaten the required vegetables, most of the salad, and at least a bite of everything on the plate. I'm unsure of what to say while I'm looking at my feet. The waiter seems to come by at the perfect time as I'm peering up at you and hear you clear your throat loudly enough that I'm ready to hide under the tablecloth so no one can see me. Mainly I want to hide from your gaze that is making my stomach squick.
"Would you like a box for that miss?"
I hear you answer with a slight smile,
"She'll eat it at home."
I reach for the glass of wine and almost chug it down while I nod in agreement as the waiter walks off with the check in his hand.
"Come sit next to me, sweetheart."
I nod, acknowledging that I've understood you, and move toward you slowly, trying to remember what I just said or did.
"Can you tell me what I might be thinking about right now?"
"No," I answer a little too quickly.
Your expression softens a little as I feel your hand on the small of my back, finding its place.
"No, Daddy," I whisper.
"Do you think I missed that?"
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I really don't know."
You're smiling; I see the mischief in your eyes as I begin to panic,
"What have I told you about rolling your eyes at me?"
"That you'll purple my ass with the paddle."
"And, are you ever in charge?"
"No, Daddy," I whisper. "You're in charge."
"That's right, baby," your lips are so close to my ear that your beard is tickling, sending goosebumps down my body. I'm sure we must appear cute like this to everyone else around us, but they have no idea how much I'm quivering inside. "Daddy is in charge."
The waiter comes back, and I'm smiling, pretending nothing is going on at the table while you sign for the bill. You stand me up with just a nudge of your hand on the small of my back. Your arm is around me, caressing lightly on my shoulder while you pick up my sweater to put it on for me. Even when you're disappointed, your manners are impeccable. You open the door outside and the car door too. You reach over and kiss my forehead sweetly while you make sure my seatbelt is on correctly. The whole time I'm trembling because I'm anticipating the paddle on my ass when we get home, but I'm more upset that I disappointed you.
"Do you feel bad, baby?"
"Yes, Daddy. Sorry, Daddy."
I can't even look at you. I'm so upset that you cover my hand with yours, patting it to reassure me that it isn't the end of the world. I feel awful and try not to start biting my nails.