So I am sitting here at home on a Friday morning, writing, on the phone, taking care of things as usual. The kids are at their Dad's that tonight, I have a light weekend ahead. There's a knock at the front door. It is obviously someone who does not know me, as I don't use this door. I walk out the side and up to the front. I'm casually dressed, cotton pants, pantiless, a tank top with spaghetti straps, the bra built in, but barely. A silver anklet and sandals, my hair pulled up in a clip, no make up, a mess.
There's a car, and a driver. He hands me a card and excuses himself. I take it, open it in the breeze with the sun shining and the wind whisking through my hair. It's from you, paper off white, thick, cotton, the edges ragged, flowers pressed into it's body, "Come to me. Now." I look quizzically at the driver and say, is he crazy? I can't leave... He explains he's at my behest...says he's taking the dog to the vet and for me to get the kids things ready to take to their father's. Where are we going? What are we doing? He just says it's his responsibility to remove any obstacle I have to being with you.
I have to decide. Am I going to do this, am I going to be with you, see you? What in the world are you up to? I start to say no...to behave with reason. The driver says, "Miss, I'll take the dog to the vet, and I'll be back shortly. Master says that you should bring nothing with you whatsoever. He wants you...to come as you are." I look down, am horrified. Look back up. He says, 'The children will need their things, won't they, at their Fathers?" I just nod, he whistles, opens the door, and _Mocha just jumps in his car. "I'll be back directly"....
I run into the house, to my computer. Yes...there's the little icon that is almost always you. I press it and your letter electronically unfolds as it always does. Simply, "Just trust me."...that's all.
Trust you? I can think of a million reasons not to.... But damn it. I WANT YOU. So I decide I will pack their things. I have to anyway and it gives me something to do while I think....and think.....and think....and finally tell myself to shut UP. Underwear, socks, medicines, clothes, hair things...it's all done. The driver he is back again. The dog is gone...what, I didn't decide that moment when he took him? I didn't commit with the dog jumping into the car? He takes their things and says he will run to the school....why don't I call to be sure they'll be met since I will be away? Hmmmm, my moment of truth.
He stares at me, waiting, I just say, "Ok.", and he smiles, and leaves to come right back again. I say I'll get ready. He says, no, really, you won't need a thing....Master insists...you come as you are.
I've straightened a bit and I am starting to squirm. This is making me really nervous and well, I am not so sure I am doing something..... Well of course I know better, when suddenly he has returned. I have the keys, my purse, my make up....and my charioteer says "NO, just YOU." I put down my things, I close the door.