--Dr Isabella Pacetti's Notes:
To recap: Sophie has had a crisis of confidence, lost control and hurt Katy. Mrs Alderney has stepped in and given Sophie an ultimatum: promise to treat Katy as she deserves, or promise never to touch her again. Distraught, Sophie consults the unorthodox Dr Pacetti (that is me) who helps her understand her problems, and gives her new confidence.
In this narrative Katy may seem helpless, or perhaps a victim. If you have been following her story you will know this is not true. Like all participants in these events she is a grown woman, actively seeking an outlet for her desires.
--Sophie's Statement:
I didn't sleep well. I was too excited and anxious. Overflowing with plans and fears. But I dragged myself out of bed early.
The fact was that, despite my new confidence and determination, I was facing an obstacle over which I had little control, and I hated it. I hated the fact that I was now in a position where I was dependant on Katy's response, and for the first time I couldn't be sure what that would be. And, even worse, I had put myself in this place through a silly momentary emotional outburst.
But I recognised the emotion, saw it clearly, and I could put it aside.
In the bathroom I looked at the mirror for a while, partly to examine myself, but also because it reminded me of the sweet, earnest messages she had written there. My resolve was growing all the time.
The shower helped. I felt more alert and decisive by the time I dressed in my work suit and went downstairs. I felt more assured of myself, too. It was still too early for Mrs Alderney to be down, so I knew I would find Katy first. She was there in the kitchen, preparing to make breakfast. She wore her usual uniform and was not gagged. She also wore black knee-high socks and simple flat black pumps on her feet.
She turned when I entered, but didn't speak. She looked cold and emotionless. I sat at the table and looked at her with friendly eyes.
"You're dressed differently today."
She looked down at herself.
"I thought it would..." she corrected herself with shrug. "Mrs Alderney thought it would be appropriate." The shrug and the tone of voice were surprisingly shocking. It was a bleak, dismissive attitude, but very... ordinary. A young woman, barely out of her teens, with all the sullen bravado that could entail. Ordinary. I realised I had never seen ordinary behaviour from Katy, and it reminded me how magical her usual oddness was. This had to be corrected, at any cost. That made it easier.
"Katy... I'm sorry for the things I said last night. You didn't deserve any of that. I let my small irritation hurt you profoundly. Whatever else happens, I'm sorry for that and it won't happen again."
Katy tried to maintain her cool manner as she spoke.
"I was only playing the game. You didn't tell me you'd stopped."
I was impressed. This was nasty, and to the point.
"It's not a game Katy. Whatever I said last night, it's not a game. It's real, and you're in my thoughts all the time. Too much, sometimes. That's why I was irritated last night. I was with another woman and you kept intruding on my thoughts. But that's my problem, and I'll deal with it. Oh God, Katy, please tell me I haven't lost my friend?"
Katy was blushing, and silent for a minute, but obviously trying to find her voice.
"Mrs Alderney said I shouldn't feel stupid. She said I was keeping up my side of the bargain and you... you weren't. But I felt so stupid. So fucking childish." She was angry. "Mrs Alderney thinks you had no right to treat me like that."
"And what do you think?"
Her face was tilted down, and she looked up briefly.
"I think she... I don't know why...I don't know."
I stood slowly and went to stand beside her. I put my hand on her shoulder. I felt like I had never touched her before.
"Please tell me what you think. It's important."
She rubbed her forehead angrily and waved her arm. I could see she was angry at herself now.
"I don't know why it hurt me. Of course you have the right to treat me like that, I gave you that right. I should have been able to say 'I'm sorry' and go to my room. And beg forgiveness and be punished. I thought I'd got braver. Why was I suddenly so... flaky?"
"Katy. I think it hurt you because you it was a betrayal. I was shattering everything we've shared. And I behaved as though our friendship wasn't real. Does that sound right?"
Katy nodded. "And you sounded like you wanted rid of me."
"I know I did. I did that because I wanted to hurt you, and that's the only reason. It was a lie to hurt you. I desperately want to keep you."
She looked away, then down at her shoes, and she shivered. When she spoke her voice was barely audible, but thick with emotion.
"Please... I want you to... keep me."
There she was: foolish, awkward, embarrassing herself. My Katy. I felt a rush of warm affection and I reached my arms around her. I pulled her close and hugged her. Her arms slowly reached around to hold me. She didn't make a sound for a while, but then she gave a tiny sobbing sigh. I didn't respond, just held her, letting her cry for a little while, all the time blinking back my own tears. When I felt my voice would be sufficiently under control I whispered in Katy's ear.
"You belong to me. I intend to keep you. You are my property and I treasure you. Okay?"
"Thank you."
--
Mrs Alderney was at her desk when I entered the office. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. Mrs Alderney looked up at me.
"Well?"
I stared at her for a few moments.
"Well, I've decided I want to keep her. She wants that too. What do you want?"
She stood and walked across the room. She stood close and looked me in the eye. Her eyes were fierce, but her manner was crisp. She counted on her fingers: one, two, three.
"Happy, obedient, safe. That hasn't changed. I would rather that involved you because Katy is besotted with you and I think you do great things for her. Just please live up to expectations."
I nodded.
"Can you? Because last night you failed horribly."
I couldn't help smiling, because I felt no anger at this. The comment was true and fair, and I accepted it. I couldn't fathom exactly how Bella had done it, but she had worked a miracle.
"You're right," I said gently, "I did. And I know why, and I have solved the problem."
For some reason the calm, smiling response made Mrs Alderney look away and lower her head for a moment. When she looked back she said nothing, and seemed to be waiting for me to speak.
"And speaking of solving problems, I would like to take today off. I would like Katy to be excused her duties today too. This has messed up her head and I want to spend the day putting it right."
And now when Mrs Alderney spoke, she couldn't look me in the eye. "Yes, I agree. You shook all the life and joy out of her last night."
I nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."
"I'll give you the time you need to do it. And I'll leave you alone, but I won't leave the house. I want her to know I'm here."
"I understand. I'll tell her. And don't worry: I'll put her right."
--
Katy had breakfast ready on the tray when I came back to the kitchen. She put it down on the table and stepped away when I came in, apparently waiting.