i had to work late on Wednesday, so i would get to go home early on Friday. My job allows me to make up time like that as long as it takes place in the same week. And i would have to take off early to make up for staying late since overtime may as well not exist at my job. After i had told Master about having to work late and take off early, He told me that He had a surprise planned for Friday. i knew better than to ask Him what it was. i've learned by now that Master will tell me what He wants me to know in His own time, and i'm far more likely to find out by being patient than trying to wheedle it out of Him.
Wednesday came and i ended up staying an hour late. On Thursday Master messaged me while i was at work, and let me know that my surprise was to be a cock to suck. He had found some guy through an internet ad, and offered Him the use of my mouth.
i was shocked. i was afraid. i began to panic. My breathing quickened, my pulse raced and i leaned down in my chair to hold onto myself. What if this guy was diseased? What if this guy was a cop? What if he kidnapped me or harmed Master's property?
i began to text Master franticly. i laid out all my concerns again and again, rephrasing and trying to explain myself in a way that He would understand. i didn't succeed. He was implacable. i would be going to be sucking a stranger's cock on Friday, and that was that. Unless, of course, i chose to leave. Always on the table is my option to walk away, to simply decide that being Master's slave is not what i want and walk away. But i'd never get to come back.
i love Master. i love that He pushes me harder than i could push myself. i love being His. i don't want to walk away from Him, or from this relationship. So even though i was scared, i knew i would do my best to do as He required, and to do it well enough to please Him.
When i got home from work, Master and i went for a walk. i had calmed down a bit, though i was still nervous. i had also made a decision. i know that Master doesn't want to break me. i know that He wants to be able to keep me for years, and in condition to be used for His pleasure. Though He tells me that He is a liar, a cheat and a thief, i trust Him. i trust Him, because i believe that He wants to keep me healthy and whole and His.
We talked. i told Him how i had come to my decision to relax into my trust for Him, and He reassured me that He wants me to remain safe, employed and His. i articulated my concerns about the stranger, that he might not be what he seems, or that he could get me sick or in some other way break Master's toy. Master did tease me, but He also told me what i needed to hear, that He would not put keeping the cock sucking appointment above my safety.
i wasn't really nervous about the actual deed of cock sucking. Master has had me suck cocks before, and i even found one on my own last spring, though i was drunk that time. i knew that i could do this. i take great pleasure in sucking cock; i love feeling a cock cum into my mouth or throat. i don't know how to describe the flavor of cum, i just know that it is good to me, even when it makes me gag. Cum makes me feel good. i wouldn't be able to say no to a chance for more cum in my life. i was just nervous about the means by which it would happen because it was something new.
In a way, the fact that i perceived the whole venture as a risk added to the spice of the experience. Just as i love to let myself get a bit freaked out before Master pierces me, or beats me, i reveled in the fact that this new situation made me nervous. Once i reminded myself how much i trust Master to keep me safe, it was also safe for me to be scared. In some ways, Master provides me a venue to be safely scared, like a rollercoaster, only i never know where it's going.