It was hot as a crotch when I stepped into Paddles. I half expected the whole club to stop and stare at me. It had, after all, been a year and a half since I'd been in the place. But no, nothing stopped. The music continued, Doms kept right on spanking subs. Maybe nobody recognized me since Id lost a hundred lbs. Maybe they didn't register it was me now that I'm sober (last time I'd been in here I reeked of bourbon so badly I might as well have marinated in it) but whatever. I was dressed in a Catholic school uniform, y'know, the plaid skirt, white blouse, knee socks, Mary Janes. Tonight could be the night I meet my new Daddy Dom.
"You look good enough to eat, darlin'," a burly, Old Guard-looking Leatherman announced, "y'wanna join my sub & me in the playroom?"
"No thanks, Daddy, I ain't into couples," I said, "maybe some other time when it's just you, OK?" He nodded.
I walked up to the bar and ordered a glass of milk. "Well aren't YOU a pretty little," the bartender said, putting my milk in front of me, "I haven't seen you here before."
"Yea you have, Larissa," I told her, "I used to come in here ALL the time. Only I was a hundred pounds heavier and always stinking drunk. Remember me now?"
"Holy FUCKING SHIT!" she screamed. "No fucking way, I haven't seen you in the longest. Last time I saw you, you were hooking up with that devastatingly good looking Greek guy-"
"Angelo," I nodded, "that relationship ended a year and a half ago. When I quit drinking and went on a massive diet."
"Well I knew he was trouble," she nodded, "fucker probably had a wife at home or something."
"Yeah," I sipped my milk, "he had a wife alright. And a tendency to violate hard limits. But enough about him. Who all is here tonight?"
"Take your pick, sweetie, EVERYBODY is here tonight. Men, women, all kinds of sexy creatures."
"Cheers to that," I raised my glass in salute to her, got off the barstool, and prepared to go get a sexy creature of my own. As I strolled around, scoping things and people out, I felt like having a cigarette. Yes, New York City is one of those places where it is illegal to smoke anywhere indoors, but Paddles is one of those places where that particular law is flouted. So I fished a cigarette out of my bag but couldn't find my lighter. Isn't THAT always the way. "Goddamn it," I said to nobody in particular, "ANYBODY GOT A LIGHT? ANYBODY?" From seemingly out of nowhere, a book of matches was shoved in my hand. I didn't see who handed it to me, but when I opened to get a match and light up, I saw that the following two words had been scrawled on the inside in black: BATHROOM NOW! Talk about a cryptic message. I lit up and headed for the toilets. There were no separate men's and ladies' rooms at Paddles, just a communal unisex bathroom with stalls and urinals. The club was packed, so there should have been people in there...Doms peeing on their subs, or watching their subs pee. But it was empty. Or it seemed empty. I went down the row of stalls, checking in each one. Maybe someone had just handed me a matchbook and the message hadn't been meant for me. I was checking the last stall more to be thorough than because I actually thought anyone waited for me by that point when a hand shot out, grabbed my arm, and pulled me into the stall in one fluid movement. Before I knew which end was up, another hand was around my throat, my face was pressed into the wall, and I heard the stall door being locked.
"Well look who came back," a familiar voice said as I felt Angelo's hot breath in my ear. I wanted to scream, to shout at him to get the fuck off me. But of course I could do no such thing. Could barely breathe with his hand around my throat. Why did he have to have such big hands, goddamn him. He squeezed my throat harder and I started to think I was done for.
Then I thought I heard something fluttering or flapping, or maybe I was starting to black out. Someone or something kicked in the stall door and Angelo's hand was somehow gone from around my throat. Not knowing what the FUCK was going on, I kept my face pressed against that wall.
Presently a gravelly voice said, "It's safe now, you can come out." I turned and looked even though every fiber of my being told me not to. And I saw Batman...Or rather a six foot two guy dressed in a pretty good replica of the Batsuit. Angelo was clear on the other side of the room, lying in a heap on the floor."It's all right," the Batman-thing said, holding out a gloved hand
"Wh..what ARE YOU?" I asked, my eyes wide.
"I'm Batman," he said.
I ignored his hand and stepped out of the stall. "No, really, Mister, what are you?" He didn't answer. "All right fine, you're Batman. I guess that makes me Catwoman." I laughed.
"Don't be absurd," he growled.
"What," I said, "I can't be Catwoman?"
"Catwoman could've kicked that joker's ass without my help."
"You've got me there," I said, "I'm not Catwoman." I heard someone coming towards the bathroom.
"People are coming," he said, "quick, we have to go out the window."
"Wait...what?" But before I could say another word, the man was boosting me up on his shoulders and out the bathroom window. Once we were out, and in the alley BEHIND Paddles (which, I assure you, is sooo not a sexy place to be) I said, "Well, anyway, "Thank you for being in the right place in the right time."
"No thanks necessary. It's my job."
"Your job?"
"I keep Gotham safe."
"Right. Because you're Batman." I rolled my eyes. "Y'know, a lot of people refer to New York as Gotham. People were doing that even before the Batman movies came out."