My eyes blinked fiercely as I knelt there at my Master’s feet. I realized then that I was blinking back tears. Before I knew it I’d leaned in, resting my forehead against his knees as my shoulders shook silently. I felt my cheeks heat and redden. What was I doing here? What was I doing with her? What sort of person was I? We’d always kept to ourselves. We never shared this side of us with anybody. We had friends we knew that were similar, one submissive and one dominant, but nobody had ever seen us this way. I hugged his knees silently, feeling so small and almost dirty.
Her eyes were on me. I could feel them, but all I wanted was for her to disappear. For god’s sake, I didn’t even know this woman’s name! What sort of slut must I be?! I felt hands on my shoulders, my Master’s hands. He slowly pulled me to stand, and I released my grip on his legs as he did. He held me close, tightly to his chest, stroking my hair as he spoke softly to the woman. “I think your needs will be dealt with. But we need a little time for ourselves. Even though I know she’s wanted this for a long time, something this raw and intimate can be quite overwhelming on execution. I’m sure you understand. Make yourself comfortable.”
She must have agreed because I didn’t hear the door as she retreated nor her voice in argument. I simply heard the padding of my own feet as he led me down the hallway to our bedroom. His hands guided me to sit on the edge of the bed, and I kept my head down, my hair hiding my face. He moved, crouching down in front of me and gently petting my hair back from my eyes. “Look at me,” his finger tips lifted my chin, but I kept my eyes lowered. I couldn’t look at his face, into his eyes. “Look.. At.. Me..” His voice commanded me, and I looked to him, tears sliding from my eyes. “What are you feeling?”
Such a simple question, yet I couldn’t find the answer. I stared at him, confused and tried a few times to express my emotions. I kept loosing my thoughts the second before I tried to say them out loud. I took a few deep breaths at his prompting before trying again. “So many things.” I tried to be as frank and truthful as possible, and in that instant all my feelings came pouring out of me, tripping over each other. So many conflicting emotions.
“Humiliated, turned on, dirty, slutty, like I must be a horrible person for feeling aroused by something that seems so wrong.”
He nodded and took my hands, “All logical. You aren’t slutty and you aren’t a horrible person. I think it feels that way because you were so intimate with another person other then me. But you’re forgetting that I knew it was a fantasy you had.. I wanted this for you. I know you wanted it too. Now you feel like you did something wrong, and you didn’t. Do you understand that?” I nodded, not really believing it. He sighed softly, my face betraying how I really felt. “Let me show you that you’re still loved by me. I still want you and want to own you. You could never do anything to shake that. Everything that has happened here so far has been at my pleasure, but for your pleasure too.”
I nodded silently and he gently wiped my tears. “We do have another matter to deal with. Your behaviour.” I bit my lower lip roughly. I’d been so willful, so disobedient. I knew I’d embarrassed him and even hurt him in a way by behaving so poorly. He gently prodded my lip free of my teeth. “I know what brought it on, and I don’t condemn the feeling, only the reaction. You have more self control than that, and I was disappointed that you couldn't wield it better."
I felt tears return to my eyes. I knew I’d disappointed him, and there was very little that burned deeper than that for me. I reached to hug him gently and murmur into his neck, “I’m sorry. I really am. I’ll try harder, my Master. I promise.”
He gently disengaged me, but not before he kissed my forehead lovingly. “I know that you are truly repentant, but your lesson isn’t over. I want you to do something for me now. I’m asking you to do this because you want to show me that you’ve learned. This will be a lesson in humbleness and humility for you.”