I suppose you could say that time had taken its' toll. I didn't really blame David for everything, although at the time he may have thought I did. Don't get me wrong, we had had a strong relationship; love, friendship, the works. But time had weakened things between us. Maybe familiarity does breed contempt.
Nobody can prepare you for life, not truly prepare you. You imagine everything is fine. You decide to take a step forwards. Engagement. Marriage. Mortgage. Kids. They all sound so good. You tend to ignore stress, pain, fatigue, debt, worry, boredom, and all those nasty little adjectives which describe your impending suffocation. I don't know if I wanted more or less. I can't really say that I new what I wanted at the time, I just felt that life was wrong and maybe things would be better if David was on the sidelines.
I didn't want to hurt him, just as I knew that those irritating little habits of his weren't intended to annoy me; they just did. He'd always had more drive than me, both in and out of the bedroom. I suppose that I just got tired. Tired of the routine. Tired of the same old moves. Tired of him.
I know it hurt him when I told him how I felt. ‘Cruel to be kind', I don't think so, it was not kind, but I never meant to be cruel, just honest. He went through all the classic symptoms of denial, self-pity, rejection, disbelief, silence. I was truly quite worried about him even though I felt so little for him at the time. I worried about how he would cope without the routine which was causing me so much pain. He was so much like a helpless little boy.
Of course, we discussed the situation. We discussed it endlessly. My irritation grew and I started to believe that I might never be rid of him. Sorry, ‘rid' is a bit strong, I was desperate for some space, some time to myself. I could not wait for our finances to reach a level where we could part company, both of us becoming relatively self-sufficient (David could never be described as mean, after all it was his generosity which had led to many of our monetary problems, and I knew that he would always be there to provide, if not for me, then for the girls – he doted on them).
Things did improve a little. David, having struggled to hold a job for long, either due to unsuitability or his own dissatisfaction, finally landed that dream position. I knew straight away that he'd finally found his niche. At the time however I still saw no reasons for us to stay together. It simply made separation easier for both of us. The kids and I wouldn't be a financial burden to him and he would probably adjust much more quickly with the satisfaction he was getting from his new job. Fortunately, at the time, David seemed to be of the same opinion.
Things moved ahead and David found himself an apartment not too far from our house. He didn't move in straight away, he just slowly moved his things in, furnishing it bit by bit so it would be ready for both him and regular visits from the children. We had agreed that this would be our course of action almost as soon as separation was discussed. The kids were always our prime concern. The least disturbance to their routines the better.
About a month or so before he actually planned to move out David suggested that we had one last evening together. "One more for the road" he called it. I can't say I was surprised. If he'd suggested it six months earlier I would have rejected the idea immediately. However, I thought this might settle any bad blood between us. We hadn't actually had any real physical contact for nearly a year and I must say that the idea sort of appealed to me in a sordid kind of way.
I didn't respond to his suggestion immediately, saying I'd have think about it. A few days later, having thought about the good times we'd shared (they seemed pretty scarce at the time), I told him it would be nice to say farewell on a high note. He said he wanted to make sure it was a night that both of us would remember and I was to leave everything to him. I was a little apprehensive but I agreed, inquisitive to find out what he was planning. I quizzed him over the next couple of days, but he wouldn't let on what he had in mind so in the end I just left him to it.
He arranged for my sister to take the girls on the Saturday before he was due to leave; they got on well with Alice, my niece, and always looked forward to staying over at her place; probably something to do with the endless girly gossip and accompanying midnight feast. He drove them over while I got ready to go out. He'd told me not to get too dressed up as he had planned a quiet meal in a bar down by the seafront, a ten minute walk from the house.
I wanted to make some effort as, to tell the truth, I had been looking forward to this evening. For all his faults I did love David, I just don't think I was in love with him any more. Also, I have to confess, the thought of a sexy night in after our meal was really appealing. It had been too long since I'd lost myself in a bout of love making, and right then any animosity I felt towards David was right at the back of my mind.
When David got back from my sisters' he found me ready and waiting in our lounge. It was the first time I'd worn make-up for a while and I chosen a plain, but attractive dress for our evening out. He surprised me first with his immediate compliment on seeing me. This added to the flowers he presented me with really started the evening well. It's so nice to be pampered.
We wandered hand in hand down to the front and had a quick aperitif in a hotel just down from the bar where our table was booked. We talked about nothing in particular, just relaxing in each others company. It was so long since we had been at ease with one another, and it was good to know that we still had our friendship. I was feeling really relaxed, and just a little light-headed, when we walked over to the bar for our meal.
We sat down at a table overlooking the sea and drank wine while we waited for our food. David seemed to be as happy about how the evening seemed to be going as I was. We continued our harmless banter until the waiter brought our order. As we started eating David commented on how it was funny that we'd both chosen a light meal. I responded that if he had in mind what I had in mind when we got home, then neither of us would benefit from feeling bloated. He laughed at this. He then looked me straight in the eyes and told me that when we got home he would like me to do everything I was told for half an hour. If was unhappy with anything he was doing after half an hour, he would stop immediately and we could make love, only if I wanted to, of course.
I asked him what he meant. He replied that he had a plan which would guarantee that this would be a night to remember for both of us, but it required me to completely submit to him. He said that he would do nothing to hurt or upset me, just that he would need about half an hour to ensure that what he was planning would be as pleasurable for me as he believed it would be.
I thought ‘what the hell'. I must admit that the wine was helping my inhibitions melt and I was quite turned on by the idea of a sexual surprise. I wasn't sure what he had in mind, but I was keen to find out. We talked less while we ate, there seemed to be a tension building up between us. Not an unpleasant feeling, more of an eagerness to move on; to get home.
While David settled the bill I excused myself to go to the ladies room. Locking the cubicle door I removed my underwear and slipped it in to my bag. I felt like a naughty teenager, but I was damned if David was going to be the only one dishing out the surprises that night.
When I returned he was waiting by the bar. In the subdued lighting he didn't notice my change in attire although I must say that the feel of the material of my dress against my now naked body had made my nipples very prominent.
We walked back up the hill to home fairly slowly, hand in hand but hardly saying a word. He went to get his keys when we reached the porch, but I stopped him, kissing him firmly on the lips. He responded immediately, holding me closely to him as our tongues entwined. I could feel him stirring below the waist and responded by pressing my mound towards him. I felt his hand drop to my right thigh and then slowly slide up my leg. His hand continued up unhindered by material almost to my waist. I felt a small gasp of approval when he realised that my knickers were gone.
I disengaged from him reluctantly, but after all, what would the neighbours think if they had caught us? We quickly went inside. Realising that our heightened states of passion could bring things to a premature ending, David suggested we opened a bottle of wine and relaxed before he put his plans in motion. I kicked off my shoes and made myself comfortable on the sofa while he popped upstairs to relieve himself and then went to the kitchen for the wine and glasses.
When he returned he was carrying a tray, which he placed on the coffee table in front of us. On it were two glasses and a chilled bottle of white wine. Also there was an ashtray with half a dozen healthy looking joints sat in it. I was very surprised. Neither of us had smoked much since college, and I didn't even know that David would know where to get his hands on the stuff. I asked him and he told me that one of his colleagues at work had ‘acquired' it for him.
David put a Pink Floyd CD on for a little background (essential for those moments of dope). We lit a joint each and sat back together, enjoying our wine and pleasant relaxation that was flooding through. We talked quietly together, enjoying the moment. We even giggled a little; I don't know if it was the dope or the general atmosphere, but it was nice.
We finished our joints at almost the same time and David then suggested that if we were to put his plan in to action that I might prefer to put on something more relaxing. He told me that he'd laid out what he wanted me to wear on our bed and that he would wait for me to change. I went straight to our room, excited to find out what he was planning. Laid out was a robe I'd had for ages and next to it a pair of handcuffs. I quickly stripped off my dress and put on the robe, tying it tightly around my waist. I didn't put the handcuffs on, but I took them back downstairs with me and handed them to David. I explained that I wasn't sure whether to put them on infront of me or behind me. He took them from me and handed me another joint. We sat back down together and smoked without talking.
