A Beta Wimp Needs to Be Controlled

On the outside I've seemingly got it all; I'm a happily married 42yo guy with three kids and a beautiful wife, I'm fit and reasonably attractive, at work I'm a leader and have a tonne of confidence. But I've had a secret that has been a part of me since I was a teenager and discovered my first femdom, sissy, BDSM and fetish websites.

I bought my first pair of panties when I was 15, I spoke with men online, once I was 18 and moved out of home I visited professional mistresses, was fucked with strap-ons, pissed on, humiliated - and I loved it all.

I met men and women on old school chat rooms and Yahoo messenger, webcammed with strangers, met up with a couple and served them both, licking her pussy and was handcuffed to a bed while the Master took my anal virginity. I've read so many stories on this site and rubbed my sissy clit to so many caption pics.

But I always thought it was a phase, that it would pass and it was more important to have a wife who would be a mother, to be acceptable in society, than it was to fulfil my fantasies, which were to be truly owned, caged and humiliated.

I told my wife of some of my fantasies after a few years of marriage - when I first started she thought I was going to ask for a threesome - I'm not sure if because she would have been open to that - but instead I told her about chastity. I purchased a cb6000s and gave her the key, which she held for about three weeks but finally admitted that she didn't enjoy been mean. She still lets me worship her pussy but always wants me to finish inside her, rather than deny me. As lovely as my wife is she is certainly vanilla in the bedroom. We still love each other dearly but physical intimacy has certainly decreased, mainly due to tiredness from raising three kids and no time to herself. And while sex when we had it, roughly once every six to eight weeks was good, I still couldn't deny I had a fantasy that wouldn't go away.

Which is how I found myself on a cuckold chat room with the username "denymyorgasms", describing myself as a sissy dick beta wimp needing a real man with an alpha cock to train me and take control of when I could spurt my sissy juice.

After a few randoms and false starts I finally started chatting with a younger man, a 26yo called Steve. He was single, usually preferred women but also had a thing for humiliating submissives and taking charge. We became connections and I was told to call him Master Steve, or just Master or Sir. I was hooked pretty much from this point.

We swapped dick pics, his was significantly bigger than mine, circumcised and a good girth and length. He asked to see mine soft and hard, which I took on my iPad and sent to him. Soft was barely two inches while hard I could make just over five.

I had to share pics of my sissy pussy for him, and then was made to go and shave myself completely smooth. I was already shaving my chest and legs for sport so it was easy enough to do and I felt like I could explain it to my wife if asked. I must admit I did love how it felt and how much less of a man it made me feel by been smooth.

More photos were sent to Master and occasionally he would share one in a public room, exposing me for the sissy bitch I am. This only made my sissy clit harder.

The first task that he made me do was to get a banana and some lube, cut the top nub off the banana to make sure it wasn't rough and then lube it up, lube up my boi pussy and insert it inside myself. I honestly didn't know if I could do it, I hadn't been doing much anal play at the time, but I took it slowly and was amazed to finally get the whole banana inside me, with just the other end sticking out so I could pull it out. Of course I was made to send him photos which he saved. To top it off, when he had me pull the banana out I had to peel it and eat the actual fruit, sucking on it first like a real cock.

I was no longer allowed to masturbate without his permission, if my wife wanted sex I could but that was so rare it didn't impact training much.

Over coming weeks on webcam sessions I was made to write on my body in marker pen - "sissy clit" above my dick, "whore" on my chest, "i heart dick" on my face and again photos were shared.

At times he would organise webcam sessions and invite other men and make me perform them, fucking myself on a dildo he made me buy, dancing for them, doing what any of them said.

He once made me go to a lingerie shop at a mall and ask the sales assistant to fit me for a bra and panties. It was so humiliating but the sale assistant thankfully seemed to get a laugh from it and took a photo of me in my lingerie in the change room to send to Master. It was of course also saved for future humiliation.

I ended up buying about 10 sets of bras and panties, varied styles and colors but all sexy and girly. Once he set me a task of going to a public urinal and pulling my pants down to my ankles but keeping my panties pulled up so that anyone who walked in could see them. Again, I did it, snapped some pics of myself, and then waited until two guys walked in and saw me and laughed.

I got up to 63 days of no masturbating before he finally let me come one day, while watching sissy hypno videos. My wife never knew which was a bit sad, I would have loved her to have joined in on the fun and shared secrets with my Master but I also knew it wasn't her thing. It was a real conundrum though as I did feel like I was cheating - but I needed to be controlled, I needed to be this panty wearing sissy bitch who had to ask another man permission to touch his own dick.

Over time I purchased a set of three stainless steel butt plugs from an online site, all with pink heart shaped diamonds in the base, as well as also buying a lovense hush 2 bluetooth vibrating butt plug. I bought the large size and it was quite thick and really stretched me out, but it also meant Master could control the vibrations in it remotely which was quite a turn on.

In the end the chat room we were using had technical issues and we lost touch with each other. This was about two years ago and I've since thrown out all the lingerie and toys for fears my wife or kids would find them. The one toy I haven't thrown out is the chastity cage my wife knows about and I actually put it on to write this story as I'm sure it's the only way I could get throw without rubbing myself and making a mess.

And while I may have gotten rid of most of the toys, my fantasies and desires are still there and once again I can't stop the craving for a real alpha to take charge of me and deny my orgasms - what am I to do?!