It was late summer. I was driving to the Super 8 which was two towns over, right off the freeway. I couldn't tell you why I was going there. Maybe he has some deep-seated control over me. I had just turned eighteen that year. In August my father called me to wish me a happy birthday seven months late. I don't think he knows my birthday. The phone call was startling, dark, and terrifying. I hadn't spoken to my father in nine years. He said he was in town, that I should come see him. Why the fuck did I obey him?
I was wearing a tanktop, cotton shorts, and no bra. It was a pervasive August afternoon. Out of high school, no plans for college, I was adrift as an adult woman if you could call me that. I pulled into the parking lot, all the rooms had a door that led outside like a strip mall for people who didn't want to be found. I found the 100 block, room 132 all the way at the end. I pulled up. I want to say I could have turned around, left, never seen him again. I would like to say I had a choice. But I'm not a strong independent woman. I don't have respect for myself. I smoke, drink, and get high. I fuck strangers. I cling to aggressive men.
I was standing in front of the door. My heart was raging like it didn't want to be a witness to what was going to happen to me. I knocked. He answered, looking exactly the same as I remembered him. I felt like a hooker he ordered. My nipples were hard. I wanted to cry. He closed the door behind me and did all the locks. I was locked in a cage with my dad.