"She did?" she asked, clearly intrigued. +
"Yeah. She asked me if Micah had asked me to prom yet. I told her he had not, and she got all excited, grabbed my hand, and asked me if I would go with her."
"Was this a surprise?"
"Absolutely," I responded. "I'm not sure whether it should have been, though. When we had sex on the boat, I told her that I was was mostly heterosexual and a little gay. She told me that she was the exact opposite. She then told me she had a serious thing for my tits."
Dr. Fee gave a laugh with a snort. She was embarrassed that she laughed. "Sorry. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at how life is. You are blessed, girl. I hope you know that. You're going to have many people over the years develop a serious thing for your tits. I've experienced a fair share of that myself." She gripped her own breasts. The image of her hands over the words "Trashed" on her tee shirt made me laugh.
"So, when she asked you to the prom, how did you react?" she asked.
"I was having a hard time processing it at first," I replied, "I said it out loud to myself like I normally do. I said: 'Belle wants me to be her date to prom'. This made it real and in that moment I was extremely shocked. Naturally, going with her was something I never considered. To be honest, I hadn't even thought about going to prom at all. I pulled my hand out of hers. Then I said, 'No, Belle. I don't want that.'"
"And that's when she started yelling at you in front of everyone?" she asked.
"Yes," I replied. "It started a bunch of rumors. It was very uncomfortable."
"What were the rumors?" she asked.
"Taylor and Kylie told me that people think Belle and I are fighting over possession of Micah and Garreth. Taylor and Kylie said there are people who are taking sides as to which boy is being fought over and which boy ought to get which girl. Either way, it made the four of us the center of attention."
"What happened after that?" she asked.
"I decided that I needed to take drastic measures. I needed to prove to Belle that it was a relationship concern and not a gay thing. I also needed to get us talking again, so I played the only card I had."
"Which was?" she asked.
"I told them if all three of them didn't meet with me in the next twenty-four hours, I would spill the tea on our exploration. I'm not sure if you understand how provincial my school is. It is a very small and conservative private school. There have been students who've come out before, but not very many, and everyone knew before they came out because it was so obvious."
"How did your friends take that?" she asked.
"Not well, but they came and talked. Everyone was pissed at everyone else. Micah hadn't asked me because Belle told him she was going to ask me. Micah begged her not to, but she ignored his concerns. Once Belle declared she was going to ask me, Micah was afraid to ask. He didn't want to risk that I would choose another over him.
"Garreth was devastated that his girlfriend had chosen someone else. He was also pissed because although he hadn't asked Belle to attend, they'd agreed in principle a couple of months back that they would be each other's prom dates. Due to the late hour, he was going to be left in a lurch with no one else to go with.
"Belle was devastated that I'd refused. She didn't believe me when I denied that I was embarrassed to be labeled as bisexual. She didn't respect the idea that I didn't want any serious interpersonal attachments. She directly threatened to out me if I didn't go with her. She said that Micah had confessed to her that he was head-over-heels in love with me and was lying about his lack of attachment. Micah felt horribly betrayed by that and they ended up in a huge fight right there.
"Of course, Garreth and Micah were mad at me because I threatened them. The whole scene was oppressive and it made me extremely sad and angry. I raked Belle over the coals for being so shabby to Garreth and Micah, who had been her best friends for the last two years. That made her cry.
"I told Micah that I was proud to be his girlfriend and that I thought he'd earned the right to escort me to prom. I gave him three days to pull his shit together and ask me. I said that if he didn't, I was going to ask Garreth. I walked away from that discussion with quite a bit of fear that Belle wasn't acting rationally. I was afraid that she was going to do something stupid. She sent me texts and for a second time, threatened to out me if I did not go to prom with her.
"The next day at school, I caught my creative writing teacher Mrs. East, just before classes started. I handed her a short story I wrote. I told her it would stir up controversy and I asked her if I had her permission to read it to the class that day. The story was about a high school girl who was a closeted bisexual with two suitors: one same sex and one opposite sex. She lived in constant fear of being outed by one or the other as the two suitors contended with each other.
"The story spoke mostly about the various pressures and expectations that everyone put on her. At the end of the story, word is leaked by one of the suitors that she is bisexual and the story ended as the girl stood on the precipice, waiting to see if her life would be destroyed. The last line of the story is 'My name is Eloise Aldridge and I am bisexual.'"
"Oh wow!" said Dr. Fee. "What did your teacher say?"
"My creative writing class was just before lunch. Mrs. East pulled me aside before the class. She said she loved my story. She thought it was very brave and she told me that if I wanted to read it, she would back me all the way to the school superintendent. Mrs. East called on me last near the end of class and I read it. There were audible gasps in the room as I came out publicly. The second class was out, several of the people literally bolted from the classroom so they could be the first to spread the news. I figured it would cause a stir, but I had no idea the poop storm I would cause.
"Mrs. East held me back to make sure I was okay and asked if I wanted to see the school counselor. I refused. By the time I got to the cafeteria, the school had turned into a circus. When I walked in, everyone looked at me and quit talking. It was like the scene out of a movie.
"I don't want to go into detail on this, but I had some hurtful experiences. My closest friends Kylie and Taylor were upset. They were partly disgusted and partly hurt that I never confided in them. They avoided me. I ended up sitting by myself.
"Noel, a homosexual guy I considered a dear friend scoffed at me and called me a poseur in a very catty way. I got a lot of comments from the peanut gallery. Most of these were propositions from guys who've never had a girlfriend. I got a few comments telling me I was going to hell-- that was fun. Three of the gossip-minded girls asked me who my female lover was and asked me if it was Kylie or Taylor, which made me realize I'd unwittingly put them in the firing line.
"When my locker was vandalized, I was pulled into the Principal's office. My father and Arden got called into speak to Principal Smith. He told them about reading my story and some of the hazing that I'd faced at school because of it. He claimed that he was concerned about my mental health, but the truth was that I was a distraction and he wanted me gone. He sent me home for the rest of the week.
"Dad and Arden were both pissed. They claimed it wasn't because they were against bisexuality, per se, but because they were caught flat-footed having to answer questions about my sexuality with no warning. I told them that I came out to avoid being outed with a revenge motive. I told them that the only way to avoid being a victim was to seize control.
"Dad was shockingly understanding. He said I handled it like a true Aldridge. Arden, however, has been after me non-stop to figure out who was trying to get revenge on me. I know if I tell her, she'll push my father into exacting revenge, which is bullshit. It is just high school, you know?"
Dr. Fee nodded, She actually looked quite emotional when I said that.
"How did your brother take it?" asked Dr. Fee.
"He is royally pissed at me and feels betrayed because I never confided in him. I know that he's gotten into at least three fist fights defending me. I feel bad. I honestly didn't consider the impact on it to him. He hasn't spoken to me at all since I came out.
"While I was at home from school, word got back to me that Micah was telling people that we broke up a week ago and that we weren't a couple. Rumors shot through school that he asked a friend from his old homeschool co-op to be his prom date. As promised, I asked Garreth to the prom. He angrily turned me down. He said that he didn't want to be anyone's booby prize.
"I was bored silly for two days at home and I told Dad I was going back and that Principal Smith could eat a dick. It made Dad laugh. 'Just like a true Aldridge!' he said. He told me that he was proud of me and gave me this huge hug. I was stunned. Dad's never been like that kind of Dad, ever.
"Now that I'm back in school, I have good days and bad days. Sometimes, I get an outpouring of support and love from people. The next day there will be backlash or some hurtful incident. I've been keeping a stiff upper lip and I've been acting like I'm above it all. When something bad happens, or when someone pranks me, or puts shit on my locker, I just roll my eyes. The fact that I don't react has reduced the amount of garbage, but it is not without a personal cost.
"All of my close friends avoid me now. I haven't eaten lunch with Kylie and Taylor since I came out. They're afraid to be labeled as my lover. I haven't spoken a word to Belle, Micah, or Garreth either. It is profoundly alienating. I can't wait until I don't have to live in the fishbowl any more and I can just get to Stanford."
Dr. Fee came over and sat next to me. She took my hands in hers and said, "That was a very difficult situation and you handled it so well. I'm so proud of you, Noise." The fact that she used my nickname as she comforted me tugged at my heart strings. She gave me a huge hug and somehow this maternal kindness made me cry like a baby.
