Strongly inspired by 'What's a MILF' by Barkirk.
Melanie turned her car into the road her house was on and smiled when she saw her son, Billy, walking along the pavement towards their home.
She waved as she passed him and then swung the economical hybrid into the driveway and parked.
"You're home early," said Billy as she got out of her car and turned to face him.
"The whole office closed early for theβwhat's happened to your face!"
"It's nothing," said Billy.
"It's not nothing -- you've had a bleeding nose!"
"Yeh, well, I had a bit of a fight but it's over now and it's not that bad."
Melanie fussed over her son as they went inside, to the kitchen.
"Here, let me look at it closer."
Billy sat on a bar stool next to the kitchen island and Melanie looked closely at his nose. Billy winced a few times as she poked and prodded him.
"Doesn't look like it's broken," she said finally. "Here," she said as she went to the freezer and pulled out an ice tray. She took a tea towel and emptied the ice cubes into it and handed the makeshift ice pack to her son. "Hold this on your nose to prevent it swelling."
"Thanks Mum."
Billy stood to go but Melanie wasn't having any of it.
"Hang on mister, you haven't told me why you were fighting yet."
"You don't want to know," he said morosely. "It's over now, can we just leave it?"
"No we cannot. I want to know who hit my baby boy. You may be nineteen now but you'll always be my baby."
"It was just a disagreement."
"It must've been quite a disagreement to lead to bloody noses!"
"It was. But it's over now."
"You will tell me so you might as well tell me now."
Billy thought it over and then breathed a sigh of defeat and sat back down on the bar stool.
"It was the guys."
"What! Why were you fighting with your friends!" Melanie knew 'the guys' meant his three best friends, Chris, Simon, and Justin.
"Chris said something that I couldn't just let him say. Can we leave it there please?"
"No, we cannot just leave it there. What did he say?"
"It was ... something about you. And I took offence and I told him so but the others took his side and, well, I hit him."
"And what did he say about me?" asked Melanie.
Billy didn't answer for a long time but eventually he gave in.
"He said that you were the best MILF in the village, okay?"
"The ... what's a MILF?"
"It's ... an acronym. It stands for Mother I'd Like to ... F."
"That doesn't seem too bad," said Melanie. "Doesn't that mean he thinks I'm attractive?"
"Yeh, they all do. Everyone does."
"But you disagree. You think your old mum is passed it?"
"No! Not at all, you're gorgβ well, yes you're the prettiest woman in the village, probably the county, but that's not the point."
Melanie was touched that her son thought she was pretty but tried to stay on track with what led to her son getting into a fight.
"So if it means I'm attractive and you don't disagree then why did you fight?"
"It doesn't just mean you're attractive. It, well, it's disrespectful. It objectifies you."
"That's touching, sweetheart, but I don't mind if your friends want to call me a MILF. I think it's a compliment."
"Really? They kept asking me questions about you too -- what colour your, well, your pubes were or if you were shaved, and what your nipples looked like." Billy went completely red as he talked about his mother's body so sexually.
"And what did you tell them?"
"That I wouldn't tell them even if I knew, of course."
"You don't know? Haven't you ever peeked on me in the shower or when I'm getting changed in my bedroom? I thought it was natural for sons to peek on their mothers."
Billy was shocked his mother seemed so accepting of the idea of him spying on her naked.
"I ... just didn't want to break into your privacy," he said slowly.
Melanie had a wicked thought. She wanted to reward her son for what he'd said about her being attractive and now she knew how she would.
"That's sweet, darling. So, do you want to tell them what I look like?"
"I guess ... if you don't mind me telling them?"