A year ago I would not have recognised what he was doing. Out in the country we don't learn a lot about life. But now that I had turned eighteen, and started sex education classes in college, I knew what he was doing. He was trying to excite me. Excite me, sexually. 'He', was my Uncle Gary. He wasn't playing with me like he used to, like with dolls and games and jigsaws and stuff. This was grown up.
Uncle Gary was my mother's older brother, from Vermont. Auntie Elsie was his wife. I was sitting watching TV in the den, pretty late, the rest in bed. I couldn't sleep. Uncle Gary had joined me. Said he couldn't sleep either. He stood behind the big chair I was sitting in, legs stretched out in front of me. He had draped his arms over the back of the chair. They hung down either side of my head. His hands were lightly on my shoulders.
'You can sit over there,' I had said, nodding at the sofa and the other leather lounger. But he said he was fine where he was, didn't want to move.
'I'm fine here, poppet,' he said, fingertips stroking my shoulders. I was wearing a pale blue teddy, matching briefs, and a short towelling wrap from the bathroom. Uncle Gary massaged my shoulders and neck. Now and then he fingered the collar of my wrap. I let him. Uncle Gary was okay.
The two on the TV screen looked about to make out. I didn't watch this stuff much, in fact I was 'locked out' of cable, but my uncle had switched it on for me. He usually does what I ask. He likes me. Always has, I think. Though now that I'm older, I notice he looks at me more. And this β¦ sexual thing is there.
I was becoming aware of his fingers stroking the skin in the 'v' of my robe. I could tell it was becoming sexual because I'd had one or two boyfriends, nothing too serious, and they had tried to touch me there. All they wanted was to 'into my pants' according to Vivienne, my best friend. They started at the top, worked down, again, according to Viv. I reached up and gently moved my uncle's hand. I was keeping my body for my husband. One of Mom's ideas.
'Got any boyfriends?' my uncle asked, his hands back to gently massaging my shoulders over my wrap.
'No,' I shook my head. The girl on the TV was kissing the man. She looked about my age. He was older. Her eyes were closed, mouth open. I wondered if I should really be watching this stuff? But I went on watching anyway. I hadn't seen anything so β¦ blatant β¦ before. Though I wasn't sure I wanted my uncle to know that.
'Ever kiss like that?" asked my uncle, in a whisper, nodding at the screen.
I shook my head. In fact I had, but not very well. Certainly not as well as the girl on the screen. I'd tried it once with Barry, boyfriend number two, behind the bicycle sheds at school one Friday afternoon.
'Like to?' said my uncle.
I shook my head again.
The girl on TV looked about my age, but Boy,
She was really into kissing
!
(How many hours behind the bicycle shed and
she
put in as practice?)
'Sure you would, honey,' said my uncle, fingers again at the 'v' of my wrap. 'I'll teach you,' he whispered, a chuckle in his tone, fingers gently stroking the skin at the 'v'. I suddenly found myself wondering what it might be like to kiss Uncle Gary. His fifty-year old lips. His bristly moustache. 'I'll teach you,' he repeated, fingers slowly spreading the collar of my robe. I shook my head and reached for his fingers.
'I don't think so,' I said, moving his fingers away. My eyes were on the hands that were running over the girl on the TV screen.
'How do you know you wouldn't like it if you've never tried?' he asked, persistent as ever, head forward over my shoulder, cheek touching mine.
'I just don't think I would,' I said, trying to sound firm.
His hands were back at the collar of my robe, spreading it, fingertips back on the skin at the top of my breasts. 'Come on, Connie, sweetie pie,' he said, voice soft. 'Give it a try, you might like it.'
It was amazing what the man on TV was doing with the girl, and she little more than my age. 'I really don't think so, Uncle Gary,' I said, trying to sound grown-up. He had spread the collar of my wrap. Slipped a hand inside. The man on the screen had a hand between the girl's legs. My knees were pressed together. She was gasping and sighing, eyes closed. Uncle Gary's fingers lightly stroked the upper swell of one of my breasts. He was getting bolder.
'C'mon honey pie,' he whispered, head coming further over my shoulder, fingers stroking my breast. I shook my head, eyes flipping quickly to his then back to the screen.
His face was so close!
The girl on the screen had a hand up her dress. It wasn't hers, it was his. Stroking her thigh. Both my uncle's hands were inside the top of my wrap. I could feel the effect on my breasts, the larger they grew the more sensitive they became. I'd discovered that myself, though Mom says it's best not to touch. 'Leave it til later, leave it to your husband,' was her advice.
'Please, Uncle Gary,' I whispered, reaching for his hands. "I don't do that.'
'Mom say it's for your husband, right?'
I didn't reply.
'That's what our Mom told us. Load of bollocks. Trust me.'
But of course, I wasn't likely to trust Uncle Gary.
All men are the same,
Mom says. So does Viv, though I'm not sure she knows what she's talking about!
'Just a quick kiss,' said Uncle Gary. 'See if you like it or not.'