Waling in the Rain

"I'm singin' in the rain

Just singin' in the rain,

What a glorious feeling,

And I'm happy again.

I'm laughing at clouds

So dark, up above,

The sun's in my heart

And I'm ready for love."

-Singing in the Rain, Frank Sinatra

*****

I have always loved walking in the rain. The feeling of the wetness flow through my hair, the torrents of cold water wash over my being and through my fingers. Nothing like it. Right from when I was a kid, I was probably the only guy in New York who actually looked forward to a rainy day, not just to skip school. I strolled down alleys and streets watching everybody struggle with their umbrellas or scurry to get some cover. It never made sense to me as I strode leisurely through the sleet, feeling cool and refreshed like never before.

My sister loved it as well. Jacqueline, Jackie for me, loved to prance with me. With no one else on the streets, it was like our city. Just for the two of us. The rain never bothered us in the least as we hopped from puddle to puddle and stuck out our tongues to taste the rain.

Being orphaned at a very young age, we were all the family we had. Our foster parents were nice enough but I was the only real confidante she had. Likewise for me. We laughed, we cried, we sang and danced and grew up inseparable, like two peas in a pod. There was this special connection between us that we could never quite define or describe in words, an intangible bond of nature which made us two halves of a puzzle. Incomplete without each other. Of course, I never ever looked at her with an iota of lust.

Kindergarten, junior school, middle school and high school rushed past us in a vivid blur of colour. Soon, it was time for us to move out of our adopted home. I bought a studio loft in Soho to pursue my dream as a graphic novelist while Jackie went to Fordham to become a lawyer. I let her stay with me whenever she wanted. After a while, she got a job as a junior associate at Larkin & Smith and got an apartment of her own. We got together every once in a while for a meal.

Of course, we never lost our love for the rain.

We were in my loft once when she saw the weather forecast for heavy rains later in the day. She gave me a knowing smile and I got up and picked up my car keys. We rushed through the traffic to Central Park. The weather was still bright and sunny, but it would change. We went to our favourite clearing between the dense foliage and waited patiently.

The skies gradually darkened as storm clouds hid the sun. The few people we saw left in a hurry, not wanting to be caught outdoors when the skies opened up. We waited expectantly staring up at Mother Nature's dark grey visage. The air was heavy with anticipation and then it happened.

The first fat droplet of water hit me squarely on my face. It felt cold. Then two more hit me at once. Soon, there were so many of them hitting me. I turned to see Jackie was enjoying herself as well. The clouds were bulging, bursting to the seams with their precious cargo. We stared upwards hungrily almost willing them to explode and drown us in a massive deluge of water. We got our wish.

Rains in New York get heavy ridiculously fast. Within five minutes, we were soaking wet as streams of water cascaded down from the sky and battered the green grass. This was nature at its most beautiful as she unfurled her entire bounty at us.

We laughed so hard that day. Holding each other's hands, we skipped through the park. The undulating green grass was soon heavy with moisture as more fell. I chased her through trees and she smiled at me- that perfect smile from that perfect soul which adorned that perfect face. Jackie was perfection personified.

That day we laughed harder than we ever laughed. We played, we ran, we had a ball- if only our relationship could have stayed that way forever, if only.

It was a chilly November evening when it happened. I was drawing a piece for my latest exhibition, when I heard a knock on my door. Curiously, I opened my door, expecting my editor or publisher or maybe a friend. I was not prepared for what I saw.

Jackie stood in the hallway. She seemed hurriedly dressed and her face looked so different from the last time I remembered it. Their were several wet streaks down her cheeks and her mascara was messed up beyond recognition. Her tousled hair hung around her face in a cluttered mess and her red eyes looked at me with earnest pleading. Something was grossly wrong.

I opened my arms and she literally lunged at my chest and clasped her hands firmly around me. The force behind her hug took me aback. I had never seen her this emotional. I put my arms around her and held on tightly as well. For the next minute or so that was all we did. She sobbed copiously into my chest, her words rendered incoherent by the tears. I just hugged her harder and told her everything was going to be okay in my most reassuring tone.

Quietly, I pulled her inside and sat her down on the couch. She held on all the time, afraid she would die if she let go of me. I soothed her as best I could and ran my fingers through her hair while she held on even more tightly and looked up at me through those teary eyes. It was the most heartbreaking sight of my life.

Finally, she stopped sobbing and detached herself from my chest. I held her shoulders as she started. Apparently this was the natural reaction when you catch your boyfriend with his boyfriend. He had his tongue between the other guy's legs, but not on his cock evidently.

I asked her if she wanted a drink to help wash away the pain. She nodded listlessly. I opened up a Merlot and poured out a couple of glasses for us. Her crying had reduced a bit as she took her first sip. Still, in a haze of grief, she kept badmouthing the male gender and despised every interaction she ever had with them. I joked that she still had me.

The bottle was almost empty when I became aware of an uncomfortable heat between us. She cuddled up to me on the couch and took another sip from her glass. She turned to face me and looked directly into my eyes. Her eyes were back to her clear iridescent green. That intangible bond between us seemed stronger than ever, and somehow more primal.

We just gazed into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity, the alcohol clearly having addled our minds considerably. Within that gaze, a hundred different tangled emotions flew between us. In that moment, there was no right or wrong, there were just two people in a room with a flame of passion strong enough to scorch the entire place to the ground. This was the ultimate manifestation of our shared love.

Jackie made the first move. She leaned over and softly kissed my lips. The kiss lingered as I opened my mouth to accommodate her roving tongue. There was no rush, no haste as her tongue took the time to explore the various corners of my mouth and savour the intimacy. I responded by using my tongue to gently prod hers. Our kiss gradually turned more passionate and soon we were torridly mouthing on my couch, our arms exploring tantalizing parts of each others bodies.

Keeping the ardency of the kiss intact, I pulled her dress over her head and her fingers raced down my buttons. Before we knew it our pants lay in the same heap. I broke the kiss and stepped back to drink in the sight of her gorgeous body. I had seen her naked before accidentally, but this time all her curves stood out beautifully against her wonderfully fair complexion.

I reached forward to take her arms in mine. Starting from under her chest, I kissed her while my mouth slowly moved upwards to her breasts. Those beautiful pale aureolas were so enticing as I ran my tongue over them in neat circular motions. Jackie moaned in pleasure as I wrapped my lips around one nipple and flicked my tongue over the tip. My hand was on her other nipple as I gently rolled it between my thumb and forefinger. As my arousal reached fever pitch, I took the entire nipple between my teeth and sucked on it forcefully. She screamed in pleasure as her nipples hardened under my dual ministrations. I looked up at her eyes which were ablaze with lust.

Whatever vestige of reluctance we had disappeared in a flash.

I kissed downwards until my mouth reached her slick pussy. Her lips were engorged as I gently caressed her folds with my tongue. She tasted like heaven. I could sense her orgasm nearing as she bucked and thrashed against my mouth. Suddenly, I stopped and pushed her back onto the couch.

It was so wrong yet it never felt so.

I lay down and she rolled over on top of me. Our faces locked in another fiery kiss as her slender fingers encircled my penis and guided it into her inviting wet folds. She gasped at my initial entry but gradually got accustomed to my size. Her vaginal muscles stretched around my cock as she began to gently rocking to and fro. I was in sexual nirvana as she kept up a gentle pace.

Our kiss broke as we spent the rest of the time just staring at each other. Her eyes seemed like infinite pools of affection which contained boundless love for me. Gradually, she increased her speed and now we were going at it fairly briskly. I reached over and cupped her plump ass in my hands and gently sank my fingers into her soft flesh. Her sounds of ecstasy had become distinctly more pronounced as her motion became faster and faster. I could feel myself getting closer and closer to my own climax as she ground her hips against me furiously.

Finally, in a rapturous crescendo to our magical cadenza of lust, I came hard and shot multiple deep loads deep into her vaginal canal. I heard a final loud cry of ecstasy from her as a powerful orgasm coursed through her being. We just lay there beside each other, too spent to do anything. I feel asleep.

We woke up hours later, the effects of the Merlot having worn off. Jackie could not look me in the eye. I tried to smooth things with her but she seemed so distant. I reached out but she shrank away from my hand and looked up at me through sober, horrified eyes and the grim realization of what had transpired between us. That was when the hard reality hit me like a Mac truck. That night had irrevocably changed our relationship, it had changed everything. We could not face each other after that. Over breakfast, she tearfully told me that she needed to move far away to get her life in order. I knew that she just wanted to get as far away from me and I understood.

It did not make it any easier to say goodbye.

Our final tearful embrace in Newark airport reminded me just how much I was going to lose. It took all the strength I had to let her go and watch her board that flight to Sacramento. I watched the flight take off and gradually get smaller and smaller until it was just a moving speck against the cloudy sky.

A chunk of my soul had left New York.

To complete the moment, it began to rain spontaneously. Inexplicably when I left the airport, I started running. I had no idea what I was running from or what I was running towards. I just kept sprinting through the rain-drenched streets without any clear thoughts in my mind. I did not stop until I was out of breath and the rain had begun to taste salty.

I watched her from afar. After all, Devon Masters and Jacqueline Masters were still friends on Facebook. I watched her put up pictures of herself in Sacramento. The pictures slowly began to feature a handsome young lawyer as well. Soon, it was hard to find a picture with only her in it. Then one day, I saw her put up a picture where she sported an engagement ring. I felt so happy for her.

Of course I did not have the courage to go to her wedding. I'm sure she understood. The next notable picture of her had a distinct baby bulge. She seemed so quaint and tranquil with that handsome lawyer's arm draped around her in such a protective manner.

Several months later, Jacqueline Strauss (as she is known now) posted pictures of twin baby girls on her profile. I gave my nieces my best wishes from New York, silently of course. She had built a beautiful world for herself with a great job, a loving husband and had been blessed with two wonderful girls. I would never go to Sacramento to meet her and possibly ruin what she had worked so hard to build, I love her way too much for that.

It has been five years now since I saw her flight take off. Five years in which I never contacted her. I never will.

To this day, I love walking in the rain. The reason has changed though.

Now, I love walking in the rain because no one knows that I'm crying.