"But you'll get to know your cousin's family so much better. And vice versa."
These were the words of my mom, giving me yet another reason why I should feel good about spending three nights in the guest room of a family who were practically strangers to me. Tina isn't actually my cousin; she's my mom's cousin. And though I'd been introduced to her at the obligatory family functions over the years, she blended into a sea of unremarkable middle-aged relatives. If I'd seen her on the street I might have recognized her as someone I'd met before, but it's doubtful I'd peg her as a relative, and I'd almost certainly be unable to come up with her name.
It was bad enough to have to take time off work and fly all the way from Raleigh to Green Bay on someone else's schedule, but then to have to stay in an unfamiliar house took away any semblance of fun this trip might have had. But it's a family wedding. And of course I'll go to Wisconsin for a family wedding. Never mind that the bride is a daughter of another one of those distant cousins I might not recognize. After all, if it weren't for these obligatory family functions, when would I ever see these people?
Fortunately I was able to convince David to come with me. Dave, my rock. The trip would have been excruciating without him, but with him along it had a chance. I've found that, for some reason, the worst of times usually can be brightened significantly if you can have sex.
My mom, the one who was excited about this trip, wasn't even going. She and Dad already had plans to go on a cruise the same weekend, and not even a family wedding was enough to get her out of a cruise. I think she wanted to make my visit a success so I could be her proxy.
"Tina is such a fun person! We grew up together," Mom had said. Fine. No problem. We'll stay with Tina. Such are the ways of the hinterlands of northern Wisconsin, where I was born in a tiny town still crawling with relatives. My parents moved us away when I was only 2, but if you ring a random doorbell in town, odds are you'll find a cousin with an available guest room.
Dave and I touched down at the airport in Green Bay and found an Uber. Green Bay is far enough north for most people, but we rode another half hour north, watching out the window along the way as the late July sun sank over endless green farms.
It was almost 9:00 by the time we pulled to the curb in front of Tina's house, but the sky was still light in the west. We unfolded ourselves from the back seat while the driver went around to unload our bags. A creak from the house caught my attention, and as I turned I saw the front door opening to reveal an unremarkable middle-aged woman. She walked out and pushed the creaky door closed behind her, hollering, "Sara? David? Is that you?"
"Tina! Yes, it's so good to see you again," I said, mustering enthusiasm from somewhere. She padded to the street in her slippers and the three of us exchanged hugs. The Uber driver wasted no time making a U-turn and heading back toward the airport.
"Please come right in, and let me help you with your bags. We are just tickled that you could stay with us." The Wisconsin accent still caught me by surprise on every trip. She pronounced "bags" like "baigs."
"We're glad you have room for us," Dave put in.
The brick house was smaller than I'd expected, white trim surrounding four front windows, two on either side of the front door. Tina led us up the front walk while Dave and I each rolled a suitcase along behind. As we got closer to the house I noticed the windows were open, but this didn't seem all that unusual at the time.
Tina opened the door again with another creak and we hoisted our luggage over the threshold, finding ourselves directly in the family room. Two couches, upholstered in a patterned green fabric, one larger than the other, were set at right angles to each other. Ahead toward the back of the house I could see a light on, and to the right and left, hallways led away from the family room.
"Make yourselves at home while you're here, guys," Tina said. "Leave your bags for a minute while I show you around."
Tina kept going straight back toward the room with the light, and we followed her to what turned out to be the kitchen. The kitchen had a window looking out to the back yard, and I noticed this window too was open. Thin curtains were only partly closed over the window, dancing slightly, but the breeze was so faint I hadn't noticed it when we were outside.
"Anytime you're hungry or thirsty, please help yourself to whatever you find in the fridge," she went on, the dutiful hostess. She pointed out the cupboards where we would find glasses and plates, the pantry, and the silverware drawer.
"Sara," Dave whispered to me discreetly as she went on, "it's hot."
I hadn't noticed the temperature until he pointed it out, but it was kind of warm, especially for 9:00 at night in a climate so cool. I turned to look at him and caught his eye, giving him a nod and a look I hoped would say both
Sorry
and
Suck it up
in the same expression. A rivulet of sweat on his forehead was threatening to trickle down to his eyebrow.
"It's a lovely kitchen," I said to Tina when she paused to take a breath. "Thank you for keeping us fed while we're here."
She led us back to the family room, and we passed by our luggage and down one of the hallways. "This side of the house has my room and the boys' room," Tina said.
"How old are the boys now?" I vaguely recalled that she had several kids, but I couldn't remember names or ages. She rescued me by providing both.
"Timmy is 7 and Andrew is 5. They're already in bed, but you'll meet them in the morning."
We peeked in the door of Tina's bedroom at the back of the house, expressing appropriate admiration for her decor. Tina clearly had this bedroom to herself. I recalled that she had two ex-husbands, but apparently not a current one. I almost asked about the boys' father but thought better of it.
Two other doors were in this hallway: an open door led to a bathroom, and a closed door must have been the boys' room.
We padded back to the family room, the hub of the house, it seemed. "Bring your bags with you this time. Your room is down here," she said. Tina led us down the other hallway, which also had three doors. She led us to the middle of the three and flicked the light switch on. "Here it is, your home away from home."
We parked our luggage as Tina pointed out the features of the room to us: Alarm clock, TV, extra pillows in the closet. One corner of the room had a huge cache of toys; apparently this was the boys' ancillary play room when guests weren't using it. "There are some extra blankets in here too, but it doesn't look like we'll be needing them tonight, not with this heat."
This caught Dave's attention. "Yeah, so is it hotter than usual?"
"We've had a heat wave the last few days. And we were gone all day, so it got hot in the house with it all closed up."
"That's global warming for you," I said. I could tell by his face that Dave wasn't thrilled.
Tina chuckled. "It'll cool down in here now that the windows are open. We don't have AC since it hardly ever gets this hot. I hope you don't mind."
Dave was ready to say something, but I cut him off, "I'm sure we'll be fine. It can't possibly be as miserable as North Carolina this time of year." Dave's look said
Maybe, but at least there's AC in NC.
I can read him like a book.
The guest room window was also open, looking out the side of the house toward Tina's next door neighbor. It wasn't much of a view, but I was grateful for what little cool air it would bring us.
"Yes, well, Sara, David, I'm so sorry, but you've obviously noticed that our guest room only has the one bed. But it's a king size, and I hope you can get by with it for just three nights."
"Of course, we'll be fine, Tina," I said.
"I could set something up on the floor for one of you if you'd feel more comfortable. I know it's kind of awkward."
"No, no, we're adults. This will be fine." Tina certainly wasn't the only relative with such antiquated views about who people should share a bed with.
"I know you are, dear. How old are you now, anyway?"
"I'm 25."
"Oh my goodness, that old? I can't believe how quickly kids grow up these days. And Dave, what about you?"
Dave said, "I'm 27."
"Sara, I remember when Timmy was born you were graduating from high school. Somehow I always picture you at that age."
"You and my yearbook both," I said.
"Sara, I like having you in the family, dear," Tina said with a chuckle. "Now, let me just show you the last couple of rooms."