This year my life got really strange on valentines day. I was sitting at the breakfast table eating the pancakes mom had just placed on my plate. Dad was still upstairs doing his morning shave and shower routine. Still in her robe, mom sat down next to me and crossed her long milky-white legs. She loved to sit there and watch me eat. You'd think after all these years I'd have gotten used to it, but the truth was it still made me feel a little uneasy.
"How's your breakfast?" She asked, in her sweet motherly way.
"Great." I answered.
She reached in her robe pocket and handed me an envelope.
"Here, this is for you." She said.
I took it from her.
"What is it?" I asked.
"It's a valentine, from me. It is valentine's day you know?" She said.
She got up and walked across the kitchen, her plump ass swaying seductively. Mom was a tall woman, but always seemed much taller by the shoes she wore. She always wore the daintiest little high-heeled slippers. They were nothing but a thin leather strap crossing her toes and a skinny 4-inch heel, which tapped lightly against the floor as she walked. Mom was a yoga instructor at the local health club, had long black hair and one hell of a body.
"Can I open it?" I asked.
She laughed as she began doing dishes.
"That is the idea." She joked.
I opened the envelope and found a card in the shape of a heart. I opened the card and somthing fell out. It was a condom, still in its unopened wrapper. The card read:
Happy Valentine's day, love!
Will you be mine?
Love, Mom
I read it over and over again, then looked at the condom curiously. What did this mean? Mom still had her back to me.
"Did you open it yet?" She asked.
"Yeah." I said.
"And?" She said.
"What's this for?" I asked, holding up the condom.
Mom dried her hands and walked towards me with a smile. Her big boobs swayed beneath her robe.
"That's so you don't get your valentine pregnant." She said.
"But mom, I don't really have a valentine this year." I said.
She picked the card up off the table handing it to me, forcing me to take another look.
"Yes you do. You just haven't answered her yet." She said.
Again I read the card, then it struck me.
Happy Valentine's day, love!
Will you be mine?
Love, Mom
Oh my God! Was this really happening? Just then, my father walked into the kitchen.
"Good morning." He said.
"Hi dad." I said, tucking the card and condom away.
"Do you have time for breakfast, sweetie?" Mom asked him.
Dad grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl.
"No, I better eat on the road. Got to be at the office a little early today. You need a ride to school, son?" He asked.
I looked at mom to find her staring back at me, awaiting my answer.
"No...uh, that's okay dad. I'll take my bike today." I said.
"Don't be silly. I'm going right by the school. I'll drop you off." He said.
"I'm encouraging Jake to get more exersize. I think it would be good if he took his bike this morning." My mom said.
"Okay, well, I better run." He said.
Mom walked him to the door. I saw dad suddenly turn to mom as she ushered him out.
"Oh, I almost forgot. Love you, valentine." He said, giving mom a peck on the lips.
Mom gave him a quirky little smile and another quick kiss.