After putting the pizza away and cleaning up a bit, Ruth headed off to bed. Once inside her room she started to undress and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She stopped and moved closer, peering into her eyes. "What have you done?", she asked herself. She closed her eyes and sank down onto the edge of her bed. Holding her head in her hands she began to cry. So many thoughts in her head, she didn't know what else to do. She felt so alone all the time, so old. She loved Jerry so much, she had devoted her life to him. And now tonight... what she had done tonight!! But was it wrong? How can loving someone be wrong? How can making someone you love feel good be wrong? He wasn't a child. She would never touch a child in that way. Feeling so confused and overwhelmed with emotion she crawled into bed and let her mind wander to her own childhood.
She grew up in a loving middle class home. The only child and spoiled rotten. But she was always a good daughter. She loved and respected her parents from as far back as she could remember. Her mother was a wonderful woman, beautiful and smart. She was a high school teacher and loved her job. Ruth had often thought of following in her mother’s footsteps. But that never happened. Her father was a banker. She was daddy’s little girl, she cherished him and had him wrapped around her little finger. They spent countless days together alone while her mom worked during the summer when Ruth was out of school. Her mom taught summer school, so that left Ruth with her father alot. From as far back as she could remember, during the summer when her mom left to go to work, she'd wake up and go crawl in bed with Daddy. She'd snuggle up with him and fall asleep feeling very safe and happy. He would always go into work after lunch during the summer so she wouldn't have to go to a babysitter. Her mom came home after lunch and her dad would leave.
Around the age of 12 she didn't get up every morning and go snuggle with him like she used to. Just every once in awhile, sometime 2 or 3 times a week. Sometimes Daddy would call to her and ask her to come join him. She'd go to the bedroom and he'd be lying in bed waiting with her covers turned back. "Ruthie, come be Daddy's little snugglebug", he'd say. She'd run to the bed and jump in. Laying her head on his chest with his arm around her softly rubbing her back. She loved her dad so much and felt so good snuggling up with him. He'd squeeze her tight and she'd wrap her arm around his chest and hug him back. This went on until she was about 18 years old.
At 18 Ruth was a beautiful young lady. Long hair and sparkling green eyes, she took after her mother. Her father told her often how she looked just like her mom did when they met. He'd hug her close and look into her eyes, then kiss her on the cheek telling her he loved her. She had plenty of friends and was ready to start dating. But her parents wouldn't let her until she was at least another six months older. She never complained, but was really ready for this year to go by. She was tired of being treated like a child. She would think of going out with a guy on a date and get really nervous thinking about it. She heard the older girls talking and knew what went on. She had never kissed a boy yet. Well, she had kissed one on the cheek, but that didn't count. Sometimes she would practice on her dolls or stuffed animals. She'd laugh and wonder what it would be like to kiss a real guy.
When summer arrived that year her mom started teaching summer school again and her father started going into work after lunch. She told him he didn't have to be there for her now, she was old enough to stay alone. But he insisted he didn't want her to be home alone and he enjoyed their time together. About a week into the summer she heard him call her name after her mom left. She got up and went to their bedroom and saw him lying there with the covers pulled back just like always. "There's Daddy’s little snugglebug!!", he said. She ran and got in the bed just like always and snuggled up to his chest. "It's good to have you back Ruthie, I've missed this. You know, you've really grown this past year. You're no longer my little Snugglebug, but you'll always be my snugglebug." "Of course I will Daddy, I love snuggling with you", she said. Her father started stroking her hair and said, "Oh Ruthie, it won't be long now and I'll lose you to some guy you fall for. You'll want to be with him all the time. Which is what you're supposed to do, but I don't have to like it.” he laughed.
Ruth thought about that and said, "Daddy, I don't know... boys make me nervous. I know I say I'm ready to start dating, but when I think of being with a boy on a date, my stomach starts to hurt. I've never kissed a boy, and I know that's what you do when you date." Her father stopped stroking her hair for a minute. She looked up at him and he looked into her eyes, "Ruth, you're a beautiful young lady. You have nothing to worry about. Any guy would be lucky to have you with him on a date. But I do hate the thought of you being scared about anything. You know, if you really want to learn how to kiss, I could teach you." Ruth’s eyes lit up at the thought of not having to worry about that anymore. "Daddy, yes!! I do want you to teach me. You've taught me everything, from how to walk and talk to how to ride my bike and even to drive. Of course you should teach me how to kiss", she said with a big smile. Her father hugged her tightly, squeezing her against his chest. Then he looked into her eyes again and said, "But Ruthie... there's one promise we'll have to make each other. We absolutely cannot tell anyone about this. Not even your mom. Let's have this as our secret. Special for us and no one else can know." "Sure Daddy, I'd rather all my friends think I just know how naturally anyway", she laughed. "So when are you going to teach me?" Her father looked at her and smiled, "How about now?"
