Twins in College

I awoke that morning alone in my big brother's bed, the flannel sheets warm against my naked body. A few moments later, I heard the shower start, and thought of perhaps joining him, but instead decided to remain in bed, enjoying the feel of the sensual flannel.

Clearly, I had fallen asleep again, for seemingly a heartbeat later, my forbidden lover was kissing me, his tongue gliding along my lower lip. I submitted to him, allowing him entrance into my mouth as his hand stroked a breast through the covers.

That was as close as we came to true intimacy that morning, as we needed to prepare for our trip home for Spring Break. As I washed my hair in the shower, I thought fondly of our lengthy lovemaking the night before. Knowing that we would not be able to indulge in each other again until Wednesday night, it had been a particularly meaningful intimacy, slow and respectful, lasting well into the night with multiple releases for us both.

But, eventually, it was time to finish packing. I was just about to zip up my wheeled carry-on when my forbidden lover stepped into my bedroom. He simply pulled me back into him, lovingly fondling my chest for a few moments.

"I'm going to miss this," I whispered, "these small moments we share together."

He squeezed my breasts through my sweatshirt and bra. "What I'll miss most is the honor of waking up in the morning next to the wonderful young woman I truly love."

I sighed contentedly, wondering if my big brother's hands could feel the slight increase in my heart rate in response to his kind, flattering words.

As the airplane banked to the left over San Francisco, I looked fondly upon the city, my big brother holding my hand as he shared the view. There was no one sitting around us, affording us this last moment of affection before arriving home for Spring Break.

*****

"Where's Daddy?" I asked, surprised that he did not come to the airport to meet us. "Is he working on a Saturday again?"

"Actually, no," our mother replied sadly. "A longtime friend from college is on his death bed after a severe skiing accident. Your father received the call late last night, and his plane took off about twenty minutes ago."

"Damn," my big brother muttered.

"So it's just the three of us, at least for now. He said he'd call tonight."

It was an odd way to start the trip home.

*****

Sunday afternoon, our mother approached me after lunch. "Care to go shopping?" she asked. So we left my big brother behind as he did some work on one of the computers, blowing out the accumulated dust inside the tower and installing a few new cards and a larger internal hard drive.

I quickly realized why I had been specifically asked if

I

wanted to go shopping, for once in the car, I was trapped, captive.

"What did you think of the gift card?" she asked shortly after we were out of sight of the house.

I smiled. "It was quite a surprise," I replied honestly. "I definitely had not expected it, especially coming from a parent!"

My mother laughed a bit. "I figured you would appreciate it. I hope your boyfriend enjoyed seeing you in whatever it was you bought."

I felt a little warm, and hoped that I was not blushing. "He did."

"So," she said triumphantly, "I was right. You

do

have a boyfriend!"

I did not argue the point, for fear that it would somehow incriminate me.

"He's a very lucky guy," she commented. "You're beautiful, you're smart, and you're intensely loyal to him."

How would she know about the loyalty aspect?

I wondered, but I tried to keep my expression blank and blush-free as I looked out the passenger window.

"You're still on the pill, aren't you?" my mother asked, surprising me with the question. I only nodded, too stunned to speak. "Good, because I know that you don't want to be suddenly burdened with a child you are probably not mentally prepared enough to raise. Besides, for us women, having kids can really put a slowdown on a career – and if you do want to have a career, you will really need to carefully plan when you have kids."

I simply nodded again, trying to figure out where this conversation was going.

She was silent for a while as she navigated her way toward the highway, then finally resumed the conversation. "You will probably be surprised by this, but I have a confession to make, and I believe it will help you as well to hear this."

I simply looked at her, an eyebrow raised inquisitively.

"You never knew your Uncle Rob, but I believe I told you about how he died, right?"

"A military training accident," I replied. "An engine malfunction in the helicopter he was in."

"Exactly." She sighed sadly, clearly remembering. "I really loved Rob. I would do anything to be close to him, to spend time with him. We were closer than most brothers and sisters ever are, although not nearly as close as you and Victor are to each other, being that you two are twins.

"Anyhow, when I was home from college one summer and he happened to be home for a few weeks on military leave, we went to an off-campus party together, since he also knew people who were likely to be there. Not surprisingly, the alcohol was freely-flowing, and soon things quieted down as people paired off and went to semi-secluded locations. Soon, the sounds of sex were unmistakable coming from some of the rooms upstairs, and those downstairs and outside began get rather sexual as well."

I suddenly wondered just how close my mother had been with Uncle Rob, the one family member whose photograph was perched atop the mantle yet who I knew very little about besides his untimely death.

"Rob and I soon left, but neither of us wanted to go home yet and we needed to sober up first anyhow, and it was clear that both of us were rather... turned on by the sexual activity at the party. So we walked to a small park, went to the picnic pavilion, and in the shadows there, we... relieved our sexual urges. I'm sure that whoever came to the pavilion the next day must have wondered whose blood was on the cement floor."

My mouth was agape. Not only had my own mother been in an incestuous situation, she had also lost her virginity to her brother. That pronouncement made me

really

wonder just what our "shopping trip" was all about.

"The next two days, Rob and I both tried to act as if nothing had happened, but we finally had to confront it. We had a long, long talk, and finally we realized that 'as close as we had always been' was no longer enough. At that point, we became lovers – secret lovers, of course, but lovers nonetheless. And it was hard, because he was so often away due to his military career, and when he was at home, we only had short stolen moments together and the rare opportunity to run off somewhere to make love to each other."

She slowed as she drove down an exit ramp. "It really hit me hard when we learned that Rob had died in the helicopter accident. Everyone else in the family thought I was so crushed because Rob and I had always been so close, even though he was some three years older than me. I don't believe they knew that he and I were also in love.

"So that's why I felt that it was fine for you and Victor to live together in Berkeley while going to college. I've just had an instinctive feeling that you two were in love, and seeing how you two interacted during Christmas Break reminded me so much of me and Rob trying to act nonchalant to cover our own relationship.

"I don't believe your father knows about you two," she continued. "He certainly doesn't know about me and Rob. But most importantly, knowing how close and loyal you two have always been with each other, I want you to really, truly cherish your time together, because, as I found out the hard way, you never know when you will not be together again. Even if society's 'ethics' do not tear you apart, something tragic could happen to rip through your relationship."

Turning into the vast parking lot, my mother's eyes immediately began to scan for a parking spot near the main mall entrance. "Even better, unlike me and Rob, you get to see Victor every day, which can make your love for each other all the more meaningful. There are a number of things that you can do to add even more meaning to your relationship, like occasionally wearing lingerie for him or simply massaging his shoulders when he's been studying for a while. I won't ask what you already do now, but at least you now know that you have my total support, and that if you want to do something truly special for him on occasion, I'll be more than willing to help you make it happen if I possibly can, okay?"

I could only nod, still stunned at this revelation, this confession, this advice. We finally parked, and immediately, my mother reached into her purse.

"Here," she said, handing me a small envelope. "You can spend it now, or you can wait and spend it back in California. I can promise you this: You and Victor will have the house to yourselves tomorrow, because I must be in the office all day due to prior commitments, and your father won't be back until Wednesday at the earliest, so you can indulge with your brother all you want tomorrow without needing to worry about one of your parents discovering you.

"Now, you go do as you will, and let's meet at the coffee shop at the south end of the mall in, say, two hours, okay?"

She held my gaze for a few seconds and smiled. "I know I just poured a lot of information on you. I know you must be incredibly surprised by all this. And, admittedly, perhaps I am living vicariously through you. But what is most important to me is that you are happy, and clearly, you are extremely happy with Victor." She patted my thigh. "So do whatever you believe will help to increase your happiness, whatever you believe will bring you two even closer together than you already are."

My knowing smile joined hers, and she leaned forward to kiss my forehead.

*****

There was no need to wait until Wednesday evening.

After I heard our mother leave the house, I quickly shed my sleepshirt and thong and meandered to my big brother's bedroom. Opening the door slowly and silently, I discovered he was still asleep, on his back, his arms flung wide across the bed as if he was skydiving with the parachute beneath him. It was an odd sight, and an odd vision.

Since I knew for certain that our mother would not be returning until dinnertime at the earliest, I did not bother closing the bedroom door. Even when I climbed up onto the bed, my big brother did not move, indicating that he truly was in a deep, deep slumber. I simply lay upon him, the covers between us preventing the skin-on-skin sensation we both enjoyed. Instinctively, his arms enveloped me as he slept. With my face pressed into the side of his neck, I felt myself drifting back into slumber myself.

Nearly an hour later, I awoke to a gentle squeeze of my lower cheeks. Smiling into my big brother's neck, I gave him a gentle nibble before lifting myself up enough to gaze down into his sleepy eyes. "Good morning, love," I whispered before descending to kiss his lips.

He suddenly seemed to recall where we were, for I felt my big brother instantly tense beneath me. I lifted myself enough to again look into his eyes, and I could see the fear of discovery within. He was about to protest the fact that I was naked upon him in our parents' house when I put a single finger to his lips to silence him. "Daddy's out of state and might be back Wednesday," I reminded him, "and our mother is at the office all day long due to prior commitments that she cannot break. We are entirely on our own until at least dinnertime."

My assurance softened his expression. It took a few seconds longer for his just-awakening brain to process the meaning of my assurance, and he grinned.

I had never expected that I would make love to my big brother in the family home ever again. We made love several times that day. I never had a chance to show him what I had bought the day before with the gift card our mother had provided for me, but then again, I was not really certain if I wanted him to know that our mother knew of our incestuous relationship and actually condoned it and provided the means to enhance it.

*****

Our father met us at the airport as we were returning to California. He had just stepped off a plane after traveling all night, and he looked extremely ragged. We spent about an hour chatting at a coffee bar near the security checkpoint before our mother finally dragged him home. After the ordeal he had suffered through that week, he clearly needed to be consoled by his wife and then sent to bed, but the fact that he had been able to spend an hour with us had certainly meant a lot to him – that much had been clearly written upon his face as the hour passed.

Landing in Oakland was an adventure as usual: Descending over the water and not seeing land until just seconds before touchdown always made me feel slightly nervous even though I knew that we were on the appropriate flight path. The familiar hand upon my thigh was a definite comfort, taking the edge off my nervousness.

Once back in our apartment, my big brother and I embraced, then retired to the sofa, where I curled up in his lap as he held me.

"You've learned something significant this week," he accused, "I could sense it. Is this something I should know?"

A long silence passed as I debated with myself whether I should relay our mother's confession. She had not told me to never tell my big brother about her incestuous relationship, but I had assumed that her words had been for my ears only.

Finally, I decided.

"It's a good thing you're sitting down," I said, "because you'll be just as surprised as I was by this confession..."