Triple Dipple Dipping

Hey guys, GooeyBoooooy here. Look, you guys asked for it so here it is. The long-awaited third and final chapter in my Twinning saga. Thanks for the love. You'll love how it all ends. I know it.

*****

Hey, folks. My name Goo. Like my name Jeff? That's just my sexy sense of humor, I guess. Now you have me blushing. Anyway, today was a great day for my family and I, and as such, I'm finding it a LITTLE difficult to formulate my thoughts coherently, but here goes.

Last time I had a good time with my twin brother, the world was brought to its knees cumming. Matty B and myself have been fucking since we were eighteen years old, and have since then engaged in every deviancy known to man. Shit with ice, bondage, urine and scat play-even incest. But, unfortunately, after we crossed that depravity bridge, sex became boring. Nothing new to bring to the table. Which brings us to today. The final chapter in a fantastic odyssey about finding ourselves.

It started yesterday morning. My father was taking a shit with the door open.

'Goobert!' He called as I strolled by.

'Yeah, daddy?' I asked.

'We're out of toilet paper. Grab me a plastic bag, won't you?'

I handed him a grocery bag. He groaned as the chunky yellow crap caked to the bag. I sighed. Seeing the waxy yellow poop sticking to the bag reminded me that Matt and I hadn't made love in months. I missed his musky B.O. wafting into my sheets. Sticking in my clothes.

I made my way into the living room where Matt sat. His black withered dick standing straight up. He was watching two giraffes going at it on the Disney Channel.

'Oh yeah,' he snarled, cold beer in hand. 'Take it, slut.'

I called him a misogynist pig. He didn't like it.

'Say something, Goobert?!'

'Yeah. You're being an absolute asshole.'

He hurled his PBR at the wall behind me. It shattered on impact.

'How DARE you?? My MOTHER is a woman!' he screamed at me. Suddenly his eyes rolled back as a thin red drizzle tricked from his peepee.

I ran squealing back to my room, slamming the door. God, that was the most action he'd given me in ages. I pulled my draws down and my peep was longer, more bent, and redder than I'd ever seen it. It beat like a heart, and a quarter inch thick vein ran up the side of it. I pumped three fingers into my sopping wet boy pussy and bellowed so hard the house shook. I came almost instantly. I dropped my head. Sweat ran down my hair and onto the ground, filling a two-cup measuring glass that I had conveniently placed there.

I pushed it under my bed so as to avoid the evidence before regaining my composure and exiting my rainforest of a room.

Expecting to see Matthew mid-spank dangling from the chandelier and howling like a chimp, my whole family was sitting stonefaced around our dining table.

'Lil Goozi, sit down', my mother said to me.

I sat on her lap.

It was then I found out about Janeane, my sister.

Anyway, it turned out, to summarize the convo, Matt and I weren't twins after all. We were triplets. And our sister was really Janeane Garofalo. Her career had fallen through after everyone realized that she was never funny enough to maintain relevancy. She was broke, it turned out, and was coming to stay with us.

Matt and I were thrilled. Matt because he was a huge Garofalo-head, and me because adding another player to our game of balls would add that next element we needed to keep the spice alive. Besides, our sex life had become a total sausage-fest. So I agreed. They then informed me that they were glad I had, but my agreement was irrelevant. I didn't have a choice. Whatevs.

Janeane showed up early the next day. She signed the whole family's tits. Matt then pulled her aside to talk with her about her process. Bitch was stealing my man. I slapped her across her face. She looked up at me. A lot like Puss in Boots did in Shrek 2. It was then I realized... this really was my twin sister. Without thinking, I gave her a big hug, and began sobbing. She reciprocated. Matt smiled.

With Janeane, my life was complete. The days turned into moths, I mean months-actually, moths works, because they literally flew by. We played Sorry, rode tandem bikes, played in our blanket fort, where my daddy used to eat my pussy when I was young, and watched her in all 144 movies and TV shows she'd ever had a minor supporting role in. Without her, I'd never have realized how aggressively mediocre she was as a comedic presence.

Anyway, what I'm saying is that, through hanging with Janeane all these moths, I found a friend instead of needing to kill time with casual low-commitment sex with my brother. That being said, Matt and I, having grown closer through the experience, both agreed it was time to pop the Q to Janeane. Was she really ready to make love to her brothers?

One day, as she drank a hot tea, Matt and I strolled up to her, dicks out.

'Janeane?' I cooed. 'How would you feel about fucking your twin brothers?'

She looked down at our nasty boy-dicks, alarmed.

'Wh-what the HELL?' she loudly exclaimed.

'I know,' Matt said. 'They feel just as brilliant as they look.' My boy twitched as a little nup globbed out.

'You two are fucking SICK!' she screamed, running from the house, and speeding away.

A manila folder lay on the ground where she was. We picked it up. Inside we found sheets upon sheets of paper, detailing our behavior for the past two months. Janeane was acting. She wasn't our sister. She was researching a role. My head hung low. And so did that thing on my neck.

Matthew screamed and cried as he scratched his chest so hard it turned red. He'd gotten a tattoo that read '#1 Janeane Garofalo Fan', with a picture of all three of us.

My mom ran in asking where Janeane went.

'She was just method acting, you BITCH!' he screamed through the tears. 'If I wasn't so ignored at home, you'd know this!!' he ran to his room and slammed his door.

My mom bit her lip and called the police and told them about Janeane. It was shoot to kill. Later that night, we learned that they chased her off of a cliff by the Cape. Bittersweet justice, I guess.

That night, I walked into Matt's room. He was watching the Blacklist and masturbating. Crying.

'Honey,' I whispered, brushing the hair over his ear. I sat cross-legged behind him, and massaged his shoulders. I felt him loosen up. He moaned. 'I'm so sorry about Jan.'

'I just, I just thought we had something', he groaned. It was then that he rotated his head toward mine. 'But why have something when I could have everything?'

He kissed me, breathing his foul breath into my lungs. It tasted of restaurant-dustpan drippings and curdled milk. I shuffled of my draws and we made love.

The next morning, I was woken up by my mother.

She had big news.

'Mom, what did I tell you about futting coming in here when a tie is on the door?!' I screamed.

'Sorry hon', she said. 'But I have an exciting announcement.' I rolled my eyes.

'The reason that Janeane was able to take a place in our family was because another triplet had his file replaced by her. The great news is, you two ARE triplets and I found another brother for the two of you! We sat up, dicks wagging like dogs' tails. Meet, David.

David coyly shuffled into our view. We yanked him in and closed the door. We knew him from school, and had always thought he was cute.

David giggled.

'Stop it, Andoo', he panted.

The great thing about it was, and we didn't know this at the time, that while David was a boy, he had much more estrogen than testosterone, so when we unbuttoned his shirt, he squealed and revealed a pair of DD tits, with two erect tiny nipples. We tore his highwaters off revealing a penis and pussy. He shook as we double teamed him. He ran his nails along my back, gasping for air as my pubes knotted together with his.

'Quiet down slut!' My brother grunted, as he pulled David's hair. As I motorboated David's tits I came. I squeaked, pulling out of him. I rolled over and lit a cig. Matt and David were like a clapping and sweaty ball of dough that yelled every two seconds. They oozed apart, beating their pork off in each other's faces. They shrieked as they nutted, cracking the foundation, and the pinkish nup splattered onto the floor in the shape of a heart.

Then the house fell over and we all died. It was about damn time. Fuck all of you. I mean it.