Tonya Tiffany & the Twins

INTRODUCTION & DISCLAIMER - As his surname might suggest, grumpy middle-aged bank manager Henry Grim is not cheerful sort of man. He is married to his much younger second wife Tonya, an airheaded bimbo whose 18-year-old daughter Tiffany is even more dim-witted than her mother. Adding to Henry's stress are Cam and Chris, his identical twin 18-year-old sons from his first marriage, a pair of slow-witted slacker surfer dudes who would rather spend their time having fun in the California sun than getting jobs. Henry despairs at his sons, wife and stepdaughter, but what will happen when the long-suffering Henry has to go to New York for a week's conference? Read 'Tonya, Tiffany & the Twins' to find out!

If you like slacker comedies of the late 1980s and early 1990s, you will be sure to enjoy this funny sexy story set in summer 1989, an entry in the 2022 Summer Lovin contest. There's even an Easter Egg for you to find; if you've read my previous works and find it leave a comment. Please note that it does contain some fairly gross out humor which includes scenes with the mother and daughter using the toilet and references to menstruation, so if these themes offend you it might not be for you. Otherwise enjoy and rate and comment. All characters involved in sexual scenes are 18 and older and they and the story events are fictional, with any similarity to real persons living or dead coincidental and unintentional.

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SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA, SUMMER 1989

As a boy growing up in the 1940s, Henry Grim always enjoyed geography at school. Learning about different landscapes, climates, cartography and studying different countries both in the Americas and far away on other continents. Now many years later as a 54-year-old bank manager, Henry was enjoying discussing geography far less this sunny Tuesday morning as he sat at the breakfast table in his San Diego home with the two women who also called this house home.

The two women in question were his second wife Tonya and Tonya's daughter Tiffany, Henry's stepdaughter. Pictures of Henry as a younger man showed a full head of dark brown hair, which had now all but gone leaving him with just a ring of grey hair around the side of his head, this and his glasses making Henry look much older than his actual age.

Another factor that made Henry look much older was when he and Tonya were out and about together. This was understandable as when Henry was busy graduating high school at age 18 in 1953, Tonya was busy reaching milestones of her own like sitting up, crawling, being weaned and learning to walk and talk.

Tonya's own senior year of high school at age 18 presented some logistical issues for her as graduation grew closer, people starting to wonder why the normally slim blonde was overeating and seeming to gain weight especially around her tummy, not to mention why she was spending so much time sitting down, making no end of excuses to get out of gym class such as having her period twice in three weeks and wearing big baggy sweaters in the warm California spring weather. The answer to these puzzling mysteries became clear when Tonya's former classmates met her a few months later pushing a baby stroller containing a miniature version of Tonya in the form of her infant daughter Tiffany.

Now 18 herself and having finished high school in June, Tiffany was like a younger version of her mother, both women having the same long blonde wavy hair, pretty faces with sapphire blue eyes and perfect white teeth. Their bodies were similar too, 5 feet 7 inches of perfection from the top of their heads down their slim figures and shapely legs to their bare feet, cute peach-shaped bottoms and nice D-cup boobs that filled out the front of their shirts, blouses and bikinis.

Henry could well believe that Tonya was close to first in line when looks were handed out to baby girls born in 1952, and her daughter Tiffany likewise close to the front of the queue when looks were handed out in 1970. Unfortunately, he could not deny that his second wife was probably closer to the back of the queue when brains were handed out. And while Henry had never met Tiffany's biological father -- he had long since vanished into the big wide world -- Henry could only speculate that he wasn't a very bright person either for the reason that his stepdaughter was probably even further back in the queue when intelligence was handed out the year she was born.

"It must be so cool working for your bank, Henry," Tiffany commented, in her high-pitched, girlish voice. "They actually pay you to go to New York to have a vacation for a week."

Henry as was often the case when talking with his stepdaughter had to stifle a sigh of exasperation. "No Tiffany, I'm not going on a vacation to New York. It's a training course for work."

"That would be like a school for grown-ups," Tiffany said. "I don't think I'd like that so much."

"Make sure you don't get vertigo, Henry," said Tonya, her voice high-pitched and girly just like that of her teenage daughter, despite the fact that she was 18-years-older. "Remember that time when we went to the Grand Canyon and you had that dizzy spell and we had to get a doctor for you? I wouldn't want that to happen to you in those tall buildings."

"I'll be fine Tonya, I'm inside, I only have those problems outside," said Henry.

"Unless you go out on the roof," said Tiffany.

"And why would I go onto the roof of one of the World Trade Center's Twin Towers, Tiffany?" asked Henry.

"Maybe to get a better view of New York?" suggested Tiffany, as the young blonde checked her fingernails. She then paused, looking puzzled. "Henry, I thought you were going to your bank's head office?"

"That I am," said Henry.

Tiffany looked even more puzzled. "Then why are you going to the World Trade Center?"

"Because the bank's head office is in one of the World Trade Center's Twin Towers," said Henry, reminding himself to be patient with the teenager.

Tiffany seemed to accept this, but then again looked confused and looked at her mother and stepfather. "So, is the World Trade Center like a really big bank or something?"

"No, the World Trade Center isn't a bank," Henry explained. "The bank has its head office in the World Trade Center like lots of other companies. The Twin Towers and the other buildings at the site have lots of different offices for rent."

Again Tiffany seemed to understand, but as Henry was finishing his coffee his stepdaughter blurted out, "The Twin Towers aren't really twins, are they?"

"Whatever do you mean, Tiffany?" her stepfather asked.

"Well one of them has this funny pointy thing on the roof and the other one doesn't," Tiffany said.

"It's called an antenna," said Henry, again trying not to sound impatient.

"You know, like the antenna we have on our roof to watch television," said Tonya.

Tiffany looked even more puzzled. "Do the people in the World Trade Center watch TV at work all day?"

Tonya shook her head. "I wouldn't think so, I thought they would be too busy working. But maybe it's different in New York."

"It's not for watching TV, it's for communications," said Henry, knowing that when he arrived in New York tomorrow and the Twin Towers came into sight, he would thanks to his dim-witted stepdaughter see the antenna on the roof of the North Tower and think of it as a 'funny pointy thing' and imagine everyone working at the World Trade Center watching television all day.

"You've got an early flight tomorrow, Henry," said Tiffany. "And when you get there, you'll be so far behind us."

"Behind us?" Henry was disbelieving. "Tiffany, New York is three hours ahead of us over here in California."

Tiffany looked puzzled. "But the sun comes over this way, and then you have to fly the other way, so it must be behind."

"Sweetie, it's because of daylight savings," said Tonya.

"No, it doesn't have anything to do with daylight saving," said Henry firmly. "New York is to the East of California, the Earth spins east to west, and given the distance the time difference is always three hours with New York in front regardless of whether there is daylight savings or not."

"I don't like daylight savings, it's always so confusing," said Tiffany.

"Yeah, when we change the clocks I don't know whether I have to wake up an hour early, or an hour later, or at the same time," said Tonya.

Before marrying his second wife, Henry had no opinions positive or negative about daylight savings. Now years later he despised the whole thing, as it meant a wife and a teenage stepdaughter who woke up either early in the morning or slept in late whenever the clocks changed each spring and fall as they couldn't work out what they were supposed to do.

Henry noticed Tiffany staring vacantly at a large map of the world that was affixed to the adjacent wall of the dining room, still trying to figure out how time differences worked. She then said, "Well we must be much further ahead in time than other countries like Europe, Africa and Austria."

Always used to stifling a sigh, Henry did just this again. He thought maybe it would be better to simply agree with Tiffany -- it was very unlikely that Tonya would try and convince her teenage daughter that there was much wrong with her last statement -- but against his better judgement Henry began to correct Tiffany.

"Tiffany, Africa and Europe aren't countries, they're continents," said Henry, getting up and walking over to the map. "And it isn't Austria, its Australia. Austria is near West and East Germany in Europe."

"Australia, is that that really strange country where they have kangaroos and koala bears and they have Christmas when it's really hot in summer?" Tiffany asked.

"That's right," said Henry, pointing at the large Southern hemisphere country on the map. "But we're not in front of Australia, Africa or Europe, America is behind them because the International Date Line is right there." Henry indicated the line in the Oceania are of the Pacific Ocean.

"So near that weird looking country that looks like an upside down Italy?" Tonya asked.

Henry tried not to roll his eyes. "It's called New Zealand Tonya, and yes, not too far from there."

Tiffany then asked, "So Henry, if that funny country near Austria -- I mean Australia - is called New Zealand, where's Old Zealand?"

Had this question been asked by anyone other than his stepdaughter, Henry would have assumed that they were just being a smart-ass, but with Tiffany the question was definitely genuine. "There isn't an Old Zealand Tiffany, just a New Zealand," said Henry, wanting to get out of this geography lesson for the certifiably stupid more than anything else.

Henry looked at his watch. "Is that the time? I'd better go if I want to beat the traffic." He stood up, straightened his tie, and cleared his dish from the table. He departed giving Tonya a kiss on the cheek. "Have a good day at work, Tonya, you too Tiffany."

"See you tonight Henry," said Tonya. "Have a good day too."

"Have a nice day, Henry," Tiffany called back.

Henry looked at his wife and stepdaughter. Tonya was wearing a white blouse which showed plenty of the cleavage of her large breasts and the lacy white fabric of her D-cup bra that was supposed to but more usually failed to keep her boobs in check. On her lower half Tonya wore a blue and white loose floral mini-skirt that barely covered the white panties he had seen his wife putting on this morning, white sandals on her feet.

Tonya's job was as a receptionist at a company that installed and maintained swimming pools and hot tubs, a lucrative business in the warm climates of Southern California especially this time of year. Henry knew his wife's bosses did not employ Tonya for her exceptional skills at typing, answering phones or making coffee. The latter especially, at home Tonya never boiled the jug when she made coffee, she just used hot water from the tap.

The main role of Tonya in the office was too look good, for the guys in the office, show room and warehouse, and for male clients and important suppliers. It wasn't hard for Tonya to look sexy, even if she reported for work wearing an old sack she would still look hot. However, the clothes his wife wore to the office each day would not pass for the dress standards in the bank where Henry worked.

As well as her mother's lack of intelligence, Tiffany had inherited her mother's large breasts. The teenager's big boobs today however were safely covered by the blue polo-neck shirt of the fast food restaurant where she worked, and her long legs were covered by black trousers, her shoes fully covering her feet, a blue peaked cap also part of the uniform on her head.

Henry had been to the restaurant when his stepdaughter had rostered on, and had observed that Tiffany's skills for preparing hamburgers, hot dogs, fried chicken, fries, sodas and desserts were deeply in the red. But like her mother, because she looked so hot she was a popular employee with the young guys she worked with and seemed to be the focus of attention for many male customers. This included mainly young men, but also creepy guys old enough to be Tiffany's father or even her grandfather. One time Henry had noticed one 30-something guy chatting up the clueless Tiffany and staring at her breasts through her work shirt, the man seemingly not bothered at all by the fact that his heavily pregnant wife was standing right beside him with their two young children.

While Henry was not pleased that his wife and stepdaughter were employed for their looks rather than their competence and that guys spent their days perving on them especially Tonya, at least they both had jobs. This wasn't true of the two figures who appeared in Henry's line of sight as he opened his garage door to get the car out.

The two tall and lanky, nice looking dark-haired young men who stood in front of him attired in tank tops and board shorts carrying their surfboards were very familiar to Henry, and so they should be. They were his identical twin sons Cameron and Christopher, always called Cam and Chris.

At around the same time in 1970 that recent high school graduate Tonya was bringing her daughter Tiffany into the world, a nervous Henry was pacing the floor in the waiting room of the maternity hospital with other expectant and sleep-deprived fathers, until a nurse brought him the good news that his wife Wendy, a tall, slim and good-looking redhead, had delivered twin sons.

Henry and Wendy's journey to parenthood hadn't been an easy one. While Henry's younger brother Billy and his own wife and Wendy's younger sister and her husband had no problems starting their own families in the late 1960s, month after month went by without any good news for Henry and Wendy, and doctors could find no explanation for it. However, one month Henry noticed that his first wife didn't get into a bad mood like she normally did every four weeks when her period was due. Then Wendy spoke the words "I'm late" and began waking up feeling nauseous and had a craving for tuna fish. Not ordinary tuna fish, it had to be tuna-flavored cat food.

So Wendy and Henry were on their way to parenthood, and Wendy's pregnant stomach that grew bigger and bigger each month gave away the fact that there was not one baby in her uterus but two, her obstetrician confirming this officially, to the delight of the expectant mother and father.

Henry had great ambitions for his newborns sons, and as a bank manager had set up savings accounts for their college educations early in their lives. However, as the twins turned from infants to toddlers to boys, it became clear that neither Cam nor Chris were college material. That the boys were identical twins meant that Wendy's egg had split into two embryos. But it seemed that the brain cells hadn't split properly, as to Henry it seemed that his sons shared one brain between them. One not so very good standard brain. To be blunt, they were as thick as two short planks.

"So boys, what great things have you accomplished so far today?" Henry asked his sons, his smile and friendly demeanor as fake as a three dollar bill.

"Well dude -- I mean Dad -- we caught this totally awesome wave and rode it in to shore," said Cam.

"Yeah, and on the next wave this hot surfer chick like totally lost her bikini top," said Chris. "We saw plenty of her boobs."

"Awesome dude!" exclaimed Cam, he and Chris sharing a high-five.

"Yeah, like totally awesome," conferred his twin.

Henry pretended to be interested. "You're right dudes, it does sound totally awesome. You know what else would be totally awesome? If you two boys looked for and found some jobs today."

Cam and Chris's handsome faces fell. "Jobs?" Cam asked, looking dismayed.

"Yeah, come on Dad, its summer," said Chris.

"Which is a good thing, what does summer in California mean? It means lots of jobs for teenagers in peak season," said Henry. "I've left my newspaper on the coffee table in the living room, open at the employment page. When you get inside, start looking, both of you."

"Dad, it's not like we haven't tried to get jobs," said Chris.

"Yeah Dad, we applied for jobs at the fast food restaurant at the same time Tiffany did," said Cam.

"That was last year," said Henry sternly.

"Yeah, but it's not our fault that they picked Tiffany but not us," said Chris.

"What are we supposed to do?" Cam asked. "Just go in there and start working?"

"Have you two boys ever considered why Tiffany got a job from her interview but you didn't?" Henry regarded the boys sternly.

Cam and Chris being identical twins sometimes had the 'twin thing' of speaking at the same time. They didn't do it often, but could still do it and said in unison "Because Tiffany's hot."

Any of Henry's conversations with his sons usually ended up with Henry wearing a sourpuss expression and totally exasperated. This time it happened earlier than usual. "I've told you both before, don't call Tiffany hot."

"But she is hot," said Cam.

"Yeah, at school all the guys used to perve on her," added Chris.

"Tiffany is your stepsister, therefore you cannot say she is hot, it is completely inappropriate," said Henry. Knowing he was at least half lying he then said sternly to his sons "It's because you two are slackers. You couldn't work in an iron lung, the pair of you."

Chris's face brightened. "The Iron Lung? Is that like some new sort of fast food joint, or a restaurant?"

"Cool, let's go and try to get jobs there," said Cam.

"No you morons, it's um, well never mind!" Henry was too exasperated to explain, and said to his sons. "Don't you two ever feel jealous? I have job, your stepmother has a job, your stepsister has a job, your mother has a job, your aunts, uncles and cousins all have jobs. You are the only two in the family who don't have jobs. You should feel jealous at least."

Cam and Chris looked at each other, then back at their father. "Nuh!" they said in unison.

Henry was disbelieving. "What? Not even a little bit."

"Well, no Dad," said Cam. "We've never had jobs, so why would we feel jealous? It's like you're a bank manager. Say your boss came up to you and said one day that you couldn't be a bank manager anymore, and had to do a junior clerk's job from now on? You'd feel jealous of the new bank manager because you used to be a bank manager. But we've never been bank managers so we wouldn't feel jealous of other bank managers."

"Yeah," Chris conferred. "Like Dad, that's your car, right?" The young man pointed at the car his father had driven for a number of years parked in the garage.

"Yes," said Henry, not sure what point Cam had been making, and unsure of the point Chris was going to try and make now.

"So you've got a car," said Chris. "And in your bank account you've got money. Now just say Grandma and Gramps died and in their will they left all their money to Uncle Billy and none to you, and Uncle Billy used some of his money to buy a flash new car? Then you'd feel jealous of Uncle Billy because he had a better car than you and got money from your parents when you didn't? But if you were like one of those like grown-ups who didn't drive a car or if you were a monk who like lived in a church with other monks and didn't have money, then you wouldn't be jealous would you?"