I was still at school when I got the text that would change my life forever. My Mum had written "I won't be home tonight. Everyone's okay but Dad can explain when you get home if you want." Mum's usually very good at overexplaining everything, so I knew something bad must've happened. Naturally, I started freaking out. Mum and Dad seem okay based on that, but had something happened to one of my grandparents, or aunts or uncles? I showed the text to my teacher and explained I was worried. Thankfully, she agreed to let me go home to see what the hell was wrong, even though there was more than two hours of school left.
"I hope everything's okay, Tim," the sincerity in her voice undeniable. Miss Wilson is the only teacher I've had a crush on, but I know I wasn't alone in that. Almost all the guys in school lusted after her, and it's not hard to see why - she was young, slim, with an adorable face and perky tits she would show off in her low cut tops. It just made it that much better to know she was a genuinely caring person, too.
"Thanks. Me too." I gathered up my things and left, not even bothering to explain to my friends.
My parents' house is about a 20 minute walk from school. I could've made it home in 10 that day if I ran, but school's on a busy road and I'm very self conscious about my running. Don't ask me why - there's no real reason for it, apart from just being an awkward teenager. My awkwardness is a major part of the reason I was still a virgin. I mean, I'm not fat or anything - I've got an average build, maybe leaning more towards skinny than solid. Anyway, I got home about 15 minutes after leaving school, and Dad's car was in the driveway. Considering he isn't meant to finish work until 6, that was proof to me that something happened.
My stomach sank and my trembling hands struggled to get the keys in the door. I eventually got the door open and went inside. I called out, "Uh, Dad? Where are you? Everything okay?" and dropped my school bag by the front door. I poked my head into the lounge room, but there was no sign of him there. Before I could check the kitchen, he answered.
"Tim? What are you doing home?" His voice sounded different somehow. Tired, maybe. And sad, but not tearful. I followed the sound of his voice into the kitchen. He was slumped over the table, arms folded in front of him, looking down into the faux-wood blackness of the Ikea table. It...was not a reassuring sight.
"Mum sent me a text. I dunno, I guess it sounded like something was wrong so I thought I'd see if anyone was home so I could find out what's up."
"Of course she did," he sighed. "Leaving it to me to explain the mess she made." He still wasn't looking at me. He studied his hands as he took another breath, then started fiddling with his wedding ring. "It seems your mother's been having an affair. For a while now. I just found out about it today, and..." he paused for a little while, clenching his fists. "And so I told her to get out of the house."
I was speechless. "Fuuuuck." Okay, maybe not speechless, but certainly not eloquent. "That's fucked," I offered helpfully.
At least Dad chuckled. "Uh-huh. But I don't know what's going to happen now."
"Um, that's fair enough. So, like, what happened? Should I ask?" Shit, I was still in shock myself. I don't know what you're meant to say.
"I saw some texts and pictures, that's all. I didn't walk in on them or anything like that." He clenched his fists again. "We were just meant to be having lunch together, for fuck's sake. Just like every Wednesday. This wasn't supposed to happen!" He banged his fists on the table, rattling all the crap that was sitting on it. I jumped a little.
"Look, I know that it's not easy to be calm when you've found something like this going on. This whole thing is fucked and there's not much I can do, but..." I put my hand on his hand, and he unclenched his fist. "If there's anything I can do to help, let me know. Okay, Dad?"
"Thanks, Tim" he sighed. "It's just so...raw. So fresh. I don't know. We'll see what happens, I suppose. In the short term, it might be good if you stayed here with me for the next couple of days? I can call the school and let them know." I must've looked a bit taken aback, because he did his best to reassure me. "Not that I'm wanting to...hurt myself or anything. Just for company, I mean."
"Yeah, I can try to keep your mind off it if you want. Order pizza and have a guys night tonight, kinda thing?"
"Exactly. It feels like forever since we've hung out, just father and son. Who knows, I might even let you have one of my beers," He smiled. A proper, relaxed smile. No matter what would happen between Mum and him, I think we both felt better knowing that our relationship would make it through intact.
That night, we had a pizza each. Well, we ordered one each. I had 5 slices of mine, and Dad had four of his one. Thanks to the beers, the conversation flowed pretty easily, and we both avoided mentioning Mum. We watched the first Die Hard movie together, and complained about how terrible the two most recent movies have been. Dad started getting sleepy and fell asleep in his chair with less than half an hour left in the movie, which was probably exacerbated by his three beers that night. Wary of waking him, I headed off to bed once the movie was over, but sleep was difficult. I couldn't turn my mind off - thinking about Mum and Dad and what Mum had done to all of us. It was equal parts depressing and enraging. When I eventually did drift off, my dreams were all vivid anxiety dreams.
At least I got a sleep in. I got out of bed around 11 and went downstairs. Dad didn't look like his sleep was any better than mine. I had my cereal and Dad drank his coffee in silence. I think I startled him a bit when I announced I was going to have a shower.
"Huh? Oh, right, yeah." Fuck, it was hard seeing him like that.
After I showered, I found Dad still in the kitchen, still hypnotised by his empty coffee mug. I didn't want to spend four days off school taking care of a zombie father. "Hey, Dad? Maybe you should have a shower now, too. At least, it couldn't hurt."
He sighed. "Okay, you're probably right." He stood up with a groan and sulked off to his room, his shoulders slumped.
A shower didn't help. He came back dried and dressed, but still depressed. Look, I know it wasn't fair to expect him to be all fine and happy again less than 24 hours after he found out about Mum's affair, but his moping was really getting to me.
"Dad, I think we need to talk." I approached him before he could sit back at the kitchen table and stare off into space again.
"It's about my mood, isn't it?" At least he was fairly self aware. "I'm sorry, Tim. But after almost 20 years of marriage..." His lips began to quiver and his eyes glistened. Tears would soon follow.
I didn't want to see my dad like that. I stepped forward and opened my arms. He opened his. Then we hugged. We held each other close. It was a really wonderful hug. Dad managed to fight back his tears and I felt him relax against me. I relaxed too, breathing in deep and wondering what deodorant he wore, because I quite liked the smell of it. The fact I was admiring my father's scent didn't strike me as particularly strange; it's certainly never occurred to me that it was an indication of what was to come.
"Thanks, Tim," Dad half-whispered to me. Because we're basically the same height, his mouth was right next to my ear during the hug. The sensation of his whisper gave me goosebumps and made me shiver involuntarily, but Dad didn't seem to notice.
"It's okay, Dad," I replied. The hug continued. After about 10 more seconds, I realised Dad wasn't letting go. I gave him two quick pats on the back - the universal sign for "the hug's over now" - but Dad still held my body close to his, as tight as he could. 'I guess I'm going to have to break it, then,' I thought.
Slowly, softly, I pulled away from Dad's body. He finally got the hint, and released my body from his grip. Our hands lingered above each other's hips. I looked into Dad's eyes, and he looked into mine. In that instant, something changed between us. Something changed in us. Years later, I still don't know what caused it. Whatever it was, it happened instantly and silently. Our eyes still locked on each other's, Dad leaned in, his face inching towards mine. I somehow knew what was about to happen but also, I didn't. That's when my father kissed me.
He kissed me on the lips, softly but deliberately. When I was growing up, he'd never kissed me on the cheek, let alone my mouth. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying he was a cold, unloving father - far from it. He'd always been affectionate towards me - hugs and such - but he only ever kissed me on the top of my head. Never on the face - I think maybe he was worried it might "look gay" or something, which is hilarious in retrospect.