The White Rose Crisis

Part 7 – Love Comes Full Circle

–

It was Thursday, the morning after our midnight love session, and unfortunately both Meghan and I had work today. Even though we were starting at different times she still got up early to see me out, wrapped in nothing but a somewhat skimpy bathrobe and kissing me on the lips at the door.

"I love you," she said, smiling as I held her in my arms. Standing there wearing a robe that barely made it down to her knees she was making me very tempted to stay home, call in sick or something, but knowing she would leave in the next hour or two helped me get across the threshold and down to my car.

It was a dull day, and fortunately I managed to find solace in the monotonous, repetitive work I had on. Later that afternoon I got back to the apartment just as I received a text message from Meghan. She had called Sarah, who had agreed to come over tomorrow night. I stared long and hard at the message, wondering if this would be a good or a bad thing.

I know Meghan wants this,

I thought to myself. I didn't want to stand in the way of that, but I was understandably a little worried.

Since we would be having our first guest over as a couple Meghan insisted that the apartment look clean and tidy. She also wanted to go big on the cooking, but only if I agreed to help in the smallest of ways, her way of saying "my kitchen, my rules". I hoped assisting with the prep work might ease my fears.

What if Sarah said something?

I doubted she would, knowing how much it would hurt Meghan, but there was always a chance. Maybe I needed to get her alone to talk first, but I didn't know how I would even do that. I knew, though, that I had to face her sooner rather than later and just had to find the right way of handling it.

To be honest I was torn over her coming to visit for more reasons than one. After our night in bed I really wanted to just be alone with Meghan, to see what happened next, but spending time with her best friend was important to her. I figured if I could manage to deal with Sarah, things with Meghan could progress as normal afterwards. One thing at a time.

Despite having a nice wind-down with dinner and a movie that evening we didn't have a repeat of Wednesday's sexy midnight events. Meghan did give me a long, seductive goodnight kiss, but I could see in her eyes she was tired, and her mind was preoccupied with planning a big fancy dinner. I didn't want to rush her into full-on sex, but I had a strong feeling it was just around the corner for us.

From the minute I woke up in the morning I spent my whole Friday off cleaning and shopping for ingredients while Meghan was at work, valuing the time spent alone with my thoughts. I even got a run in, coming home exhausted and sweaty but glad that I had done something vaguely exercise-related.

I figured spending time with Meghan and myself might help Sarah, and now that some time had passed since our last encounter she might have thought how to deal with her attraction and my rejection of her. My older sister was always the logical one in the family, so maybe she just needed that face-to-face moment to occur before she was able to move on.

Yeah,

I thought to myself.

Now that it's come to a head, she can see that I think we should let our feelings go, and move past it.

Eventually, the apartment was clean and I ran out of jobs to do, which meant I was alone with my thoughts. I knew Sarah would be here soon and I started to get nervous again, my carefully arranged logic crumbling in the face of actually seeing her, and not knowing what she really wanted.

I had every intention of helping Meghan in the kitchen after she got home, at least to avoid sitting around doing nothing, but she had pushed me out and politely told me to "shove it".

"This is a big deal for me too, you know," she said with a smile on her face. "Sarah coming round to

our

home? I'm feeling unusually house-wifey today so you'll just have to sit there and wait until the food is ready!" She slapped my bottom and told me to shower, saying it would relax me. With less than an hour to go I had my doubts, but I was cheered slightly by her demeanour. Our midnight activities the other night had definitely perked her up.

I was getting changed into some nice clothes, fresh from the shower, when I heard a sound from the main room that put me on edge: the front door being knocked on and answered. It was still early, but she was here.

"Sarah! Awww hun it's so amazing to see you!" I came out of the bedroom to find Meghan with Sarah having a big hug. Sarah's eyes were closed in bliss and Meghan had a wide smile on her face, showing just how much they had missed each other. They hugged for a long time, and it was only when Sarah opened her eyes that I saw the deep sadness she felt alongside the joy.

"Hey, Will," she said quietly. Meghan broke the hug and I stepped forward, feeling Sarah wrap her arms around me. It was desperate, and I felt awful for her.

"Missed you," I replied. She gave me a squeeze and Meghan smiled, not fully realising the sadness that was passing between us.

"Ohhh, it's so crazy having you here," she said happily. Sarah looked at her and wiped a tiny tear from her eye, taking Meghan's hand.

"I know, I was away for so long, and then when I got back we just didn't have time." Meghan waved her free hand, squeezing Sarah's.

"It doesn't matter. What does matter is that you are here now!"

"I know, but you two," Sarah looked from me to Meghan. "It's still a little weird, but in a good way. I'm just a mess of emotions right now." Meghan pulled Sarah into another hug and held her tight.

"Don't worry, tonight is for us, and we are here for you," she whispered quietly.

"I'm here for you too," Sarah replied. "You look so happy." Meghan blushed a little.

"I am." They moved away and smiled at each other, boosted by the close friendship that had existed for as long as they had known each other.

We sat down and Meghan got two wine glasses for herself and Sarah, while I decided to stick to water and soft drinks.

"This feels fancy," Sarah said as a glass was poured in front of her. Meghan giggled.

"How often do we do this? I figure no harm in having fun when it's just us." Meghan set the bottle down and they leaned against the kitchen counter, catching up on everything that had happened since they last met, which had in fact been Sarah's wedding. It was all positive, Meghan regaling Sarah with how the two of us had gotten together and how she was getting through her troubles at work, Sarah responding with details on her honeymoon location, coming home and settling down into daily life again.

I sat on a stool across the island bench from the girls, fiddling with my glass and just listening in on their conversation. Meghan was fascinated with Sarah and the married life, asking questions and giggling occasionally at Sarah's answers. Sarah wanted to know what her plans were to move on from the work she was doing, and how life in general was going. She was also showing a surprising amount of interest in how our relationship had come about. To be fair, Meghan's face lit up when she got to reflect on the happy moments in her life between us, and it was better to keep the conversation happy than to focus on her frustrations.

I worried, though. The more Meghan talked about us the more I wondered what was going on in Sarah's head. What's worse, whenever Meghan mentioned the wedding Sarah's eyes flashed, and I could almost feel the emotional turbulence coming off her.

When Meghan excused herself to go to the bathroom, I found myself alone in the room with my sister, remembering the last time we had been like this was in my bedroom, when she told me she still wanted me. I felt perhaps I should say something.

"You've made Meghan happy," she said, beating me to it.

"She makes me happy too," I replied. Sarah nodded, looking down.

"I understand now."

"What do you mean?"

"You: you're with her, and I know that isn't the only thing stopping you, but it's the most important." Sarah wasn't looking up at me, she was avoiding my gaze. "I don't want to come between you two."

"Oh, Sarah no, it's not that you would. I know you aren't like that."

"It's – it's so hard being alone in the house, Michael always travelling for business. Ever since we got back I haven't really been able to settle down into a routine. It's messing me up. I'm sorry, Will, I don't mean to get so upset, I just..." she sobbed and I walked over to her, not willing to let her go through this pain. I rested my hands on her shoulders, feeling her tense at my touch.

"I'm sorry, Sarah. I caused you pain as well." Sarah leaned forward and hugged me, her head on my shoulder. "I'm here, I know it doesn't feel like it, but I am." I rubbed her back and tried to think of something to say, but I didn't know what else I could give. I was afraid there was one thing she wanted...and it was me.

"Ohhh, hun," Meghan murmured, coming out of the bathroom and giving Sarah and I a hug with her head resting on Sarah's back. "Are you sure you're all right? I didn't realise things were this bad." Sarah nodded, letting go and standing up straight.

"It's ok," she said, brushing a tear from her cheek. "I'm...well I'm just so tired, you know." Meghan smiled.

"It's perfectly fine. Dinner is almost ready, let's sit down, huh?"

We sat and enjoyed small talk at our tiny table, supposedly big enough for four but busy just with three. Meghan served up her perfectly made meal and I think Sarah was impressed with the effort; she was probably lacking the motivation to cook for one at home, and microwave meals aren't overly satisfying.

While things started well at first, Sarah was looking worn down as dinner went on, and Meghan noticed as much as I did. She kept glancing across the table at me, hoping I could do something about it, but I knew there was no way I could change anything, not here and now.

I made a decision, though. I had to be there a lot more for Sarah. I didn't know how exactly, but I was going to be no matter what. Tonight solidified it in my mind. I didn't care that she might want me, I was going to be with her and look after her and do whatever it took to help her through it. That was my job, and I wouldn't be able to move forward with Meghan or Sarah until it was done.

Once I had decided to help her more openly, that I would actually be a physical presence for her, even go so far as to come to her house and help her out, I felt like a huge burden had been lifted. I spent so much time afraid what she would say. Now that I knew, I wasn't afraid of being in the same room as her.

I can be with her and really help her, even if she cries a lot at first, I'll be there to make her feel better

. I felt happy about my decision

.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay, hun?" Meghan asked her at the end of the night, after many more drinks and hours of talking. "You know it isn't a bother on us." Sarah smiled, but it was weak. It had been a good night and she had perked up again as we finished dinner and relaxed, but the anxiety was taking it out of her.

"Us," she said thoughtfully, squeezing Meghan's hand. "No, I don't want to intrude, and the two of you are so happy...I guess it reminds me of Michael. I think I need to be alone." She hugged Meghan who didn't let her go for a long time, rubbing her back gently. Seeing the two girls together made me hope Sarah would feel the love she needed, but I could see she wouldn't move on soon, not by herself.

"Don't forget we're here," Meghan whispered to her. Sarah nodded in the hug, then pulled away and quickly ducked out the door, leaving Meghan staring at an empty hallway. She shut and locked the apartment door and sighed, walking over to me quickly and sliding into my arms, holding me very tightly.

"Sarah isn't well," she said. "She tried, but I could see it. I don't know what's wrong with her." I didn't know what to say. I just held her.

–

The next morning I was getting ready for a short shift at work to make up for having Friday off. I hated leaving Meghan on a weekend but that's just the way I got scheduled sometimes. As I made my way downstairs to my car my pocket vibrated from a text coming in, it was Sarah.

- will, i am so sorry. i cannot do this to you. you and meghan are so amazing together it is so sweet and special, I cant bear to risk that. please dont tell her anything ever. im so very sorry. forget it all

I couldn't believe it. She was going through the pain and confusion I suffered, and all she could think of was that she didn't want to split Meghan and I up. I never suspected she would, but the fact that she was scared of doing so spoke volumes. She needed me.

All day at work I worried about Sarah, but there was nothing I could do about it until later. I resolved to call her after I finished, and if I needed to I would go see her as well. Meghan was waiting for me when I got home, curled up on the couch with a blanket, an old movie playing on the TV.

"You ok?"

"Yeah," she said, looking up with tired eyes. "Just not feeling very well. I wanted to go visit my Mum but just wasn't up to it." She held an empty mug that I took instinctively from her as I leaned over to kiss her forehead, placing the warm porcelain on the sink as I put my things on the counter. Meghan shed the blanket and followed me into the kitchen, her arms wrapping around my waist and hugging me from behind, her cheek resting on my shoulder in a reassuring hug that I sorely needed.

"Love you," she murmured, her hands sliding back over my hips as she let me go and went back to the couch, leaving me to turn on the kettle in preparation for making hot chocolate. We worked like a well-oiled machine, knowing what each of us needed at any time. I loved how easily it was coming to us, living and being together as a couple. It even made me forget about my troubles with Sarah, Jaimi and Lucy for a while.

"You going to shower?" she asked. I thought about it, wondering whether I could convince her to join me. I felt like I needed a little close comfort and it was an idea that had been on my mind ever since we started living together.

"No, to be honest I don't feel like it right now, I'm just going to get changed ok?" I went into the bedroom and started stripping down. The apartment was warm from the heaters being on all day, thanks to Meghan being home, and I took it as a comfort given how chilly it could get. I was about to go back into the lounge room when I heard Meghan's phone ring.

"Hello? Oh, Sarah, hey how are you?" I froze at the door, listening in on Meghan's phone call with my sister. Why hadn't I called her myself yet? I felt like I had let her down now!

"Oh hun, don't worry about it, I know why you weren't feeling well last night...no, I just know we will try again when...you know we are here for you, both Will and I." My stomach churned. "Things are hard right now, but it will get better. You can always call on us, ok? If you need us the schedule is cleared." She said her goodbyes as I pushed the door open and walked over to her.

"Everything all right?" I asked her.

"Sarah feels bad for last night," she told me. "I think all this time alone stuff is bothering her, but she also isn't feeling social. I don't know what to do." I gently squeezed her shoulder, her hand sliding up to rest on top of mine.

"Michael will be home soon," I said quietly, kneeling down behind the couch to rest my arms on the back of the lounge, close enough to smell her sweet brown hair. "It's hard now but once he's back she will be busy again."

"Not soon enough," Meghan said, shaking her head sadly. "He doesn't come home for another three days."

Three days?

Sarah, alone, miserable, husband away.

Needing me

...

A new thought occurred to me, hearing Meghan's words. It was terrible and amazing at the same time, a powerful mix of feelings that at once put me on edge, gave me incredible strength in the face of fear and hardened my resolve. It was insane – I knew that from the very beginning, but you only live once.

I gave Meghan's shoulder another squeeze and kissed her head, getting up and heading to the kitchen to finish making her hot chocolate. Once it was all done I handed the fresh mug to her, kissed her head again, and made a beeline for the bedroom.

Opening the wardrobe I reached in and pulled out a small backpack and left it open on the bed. I started moving around the room, taking items filling the bag with them – spare clothes, deodorant, phone charger. I ducked into the bathroom and grabbed my toiletries, returning to the bedroom and packing them as well, along with my wallet and keys.

As I pulled on a jumper and a pair of shoes I thought about what I was doing. I felt this was something that needed to happen, and although I didn't know if it was right, wrong or just plain crazy, to me it

was

a solution. I didn't even know how effective it would be, given how my life had turned upside down after the wedding, but I had to try. I grabbed the backpack and stepped up to the door, glancing through the gap into the lounge room.

Meghan was sitting on the couch, holding the mug of hot chocolate and watching the movie. I sighed to myself, wishing I could stay with her forever, but knowing I had to leave for now. I came up behind her.

"Meghan, you know how my schedule is free for a few days? Well, I think I should make some time for Sarah. I think she needs my help. I thought...I'd go over and check on her." Meghan looked up over her shoulder at me, her beautiful smile lifting my spirits.

"Ok hun, I think that's a really good idea. Hey, take that container on the counter to her for me, I know she loves my brownies."

"I will. I don't know how long I'll be out, but if I have to stay I'll crash there or at home. To make sure she has the support she needs."

"I'm proud of you." Meghan reached up, her hand sliding behind my head and pulling me down for a kiss, long and passionate. "Good luck sweetie."

"I'm sorry we won't have this weekend together."

"Pfft, don't be! I live with you remember?" Meghan smiled up at me, melting my heart. "I love you, Will."

"I love you too, Meghan." I reached over and grabbed the container of brownies from the kitchen bench, looking back once as I opened the door to leave. Meghan gave me a smile and blew a kiss at me.

Walking out that door was the hardest moment of my life.

–

As you travel away from the city centre, where Meghan lives, there are a series of suburbs that form a ring around the city, a barrier that represented the last occupied housing land before the nature reserves and private fields stretched out to the base of the mighty mountains on the horizon. One such suburb creeps up the slopes of a small line of hills, giving the owners of these properties beautiful views and relative isolation from mainstream traffic and noise, while at the same time backing onto the nature park and walking trails.

My car was parked out front of one of these houses, a small modern build with a low blue roof and a single car space. It was at the end of a street, its backyard gradually sloping upwards against the base of the nearest hill. The sun was moving closer to the mountains, bathing the house in the splendid warmth of the afternoon that made me want to lie back and take a nap. Instead, I picked up my phone and dialled a number, trying to control my thoughts.

"Will?" Sarah's voice, confused and nervous at seeing a call from me, gave me strength and determination to do the right thing, at least from my point of view.

"Sarah, I need you to get a bag and pack some clothes and essentials."