The Search

The feelings of attraction and repulsion swirled through me. Hate, too. Hating her for abandoning me and hating myself for being there.

But, there I was, in a seedy East California topless bar in the middle of a weekday, just me, the bartender, and this washed-up, saggy-breasted, overly-made-up, thickly-eyelashed, half-stoned dancer. Her name was Mona, and she was my mother.

I found out about her existence upon my father's death a year ago. I had always been told she died in child-birth, but in settled his affairs, I found pictures, cancelled checks, and an address.

Now, at 24, full of self-loathing and self-pity, I had journeyed here, and seeing her for the first time, I wondered why I had come.

Soon after Dad died, I began having dreams about her. Not pleasant dreams, sexual ones. In them, she came on to me, seduced me, and at the end I was frustrated for not being able to come, and she had mocked me, saying I wasn't a man.

I would awaken angry and scared in a pool of sweat, still aroused. My real sexual relationships began to suffer. I couldn't focus on my partner, always envisioning Mona. I would wind up alone, in the bathroom, bringing myself to completion.

So, I decided to confront my fears and anger, and took the trip. And I was both sorry and excited that I had.

"What's your name, Honey," Mona asked as she slid around the pole, trying so hard to look sexy at 42 when most dancers are half her age.

"Paul" I replied raspily, through dry lips as I gulped my beer.

"I'm Mona. They say I moan a lot! I don't know, do you think I'm a Moaner, Baby?" She slinked her way off the small platform when she saw me peel a bill off my wad, and moved her body close to me, and her eyes flashed when she saw it was a five. Singles were probably more common and she knew she had a mark.

I tried to be cool, and replied, "I bet you can moan real fine," as I held the bill up and she smiled and worked her body to within inches of mine, giving me her scent and allowing me to slip the bill in her g-string.

My fingers seemed to burn as they brushed her flesh, sliding the bill in snugly, and she looked down at me through sleepy eyes. "I bet you can make a woman moan real good, right, Baby?"

Acting the stud she expected, I said, "I don't get any complaints, Mona."

She bent, her big breasts dangling before me, and whispered, "Maybe, you'd like a private dance?"

"I don't know, what does that get me?"

"Hmmm, you and me, in a special room. Manager gets $50, and the rest is between us, Sexy"

I looked around, the place was empty. "They don't mind that there's no dancer?"

She swirled above me, moving her tits into my face, teasing me, brushing her nipple across my lips but pulling away before I could get to it. "My alternate just came in. She comes on in five, baby. I'll take real good care of you, I promise."

Her pefume was overwhelming, and my erection was painful. But, I had come all this distance. She backed off, spinning around, trying to make me think she could withhold her charms, but it was obvious, she wasn't making any money in this dive, and probably hadn't done a private dance for big bucks in a while.

When I held another five, she came slinking back. "Any decision, Honey?" she asked, as I slid the bill next to my last.

"How do we do this?"

"Fifty for Billy, then when I get off, go to the men's room..."

"The men's room?"

"There's another room. I'll met you."

I slid the fifty to Moan and waited. Her replacement was about thirty and skinny, and I thought she was both prettier and uglier than Mona.

When Mona disappeared, I followed instruction and just after the men's room a door opened. "In here, Baby."

It wasn't much more than a store room with a mattress on the floor and chairs. I looked around to be sure we were alone as she turned on a small boom box with slow sensual music.

"So, Baby, you a cop? I gotta ask, so you can't entrap me." I told her, no. "Well, what brings you here?"

I told her I worked for an insurance company. I was looking for someone who I believed lived in this town, but they moved on, so I was enjoying the day before following.

"Oh, okay, Baby, so..." dropping her robe, standing in bra and g-string, "What can Mama do for you today?" She began swaying seductively to the music and I was startled by her use of Mama.

"I...I don't know how this works."

She moved real close to me. I was 3 inches taller and she draped her arms around my neck, brushing her body against mine. "Well, I'm your private dancer. And I work for tips. Just like you tipped me out there, the more you tip the better I... dance! Hahaha! Hmmmm." Her lips were so close. "Do you like the way I dance, Baby?"

I nodded and tried to say yes, but my cock was hard and angry and in need of relief.

"Then, you just have to show me, Honey." Her lips brushed mine and she ground her hips against me.

Light-headed and feverish, I pulled out my money and dug out a $100. "Will this do?"

I could tell by those eyes that she hadn't seen a C-note in a long time. "Ooooh, Baby, Mona will take good care of you-u-u-u!" She snatched the bill and stashed it I don't know where.

Her arms pulled my head down to her and her tongue seared through my lips. The taste was bitter and abrupt, but exciting. Her fingers ran down my chest, tweaking my nipples as she gasped into my mouth, over-doing her own excitement. "Oh, Baby, you're making me so hot!"

I reached up and felt her nipple and twisted it. She yelped. "Oooh, not so hard, Honey! Hmmmm, Are you hard, baby?"

I felt her hand on my cock, squeezing and stroking it, and knowing my mother held my cock was gross and hot. She tugged at it, hungrily, biting my lip. "Ooooh, baby, you're a big one! Let's see what you got there."

I have been with professionals before but no one had my cock out faster than Mona, stroking it as she slid to her knees. "Oooh, Baby, so hard and big! It's my lucky day! Ummmm!" Her lips encircled my crown and her tongue swirled. I leaned back to watch and seeing her looking up at me while sucking my cock was just like the dreams. Her, hungry for my approval, working my cock rapidly, and me, hungry to come, to finally get past this, to move on.

The slurping sound and her constant moans were more exciting than I could have imagined, because as she began to really get into it, my body shook and my cock erupted. I grabbed Mona's head and pulled it off me, just as my thick stream of sperm flew, splashing her eye and cheek. She gasped for air and giggled as my second shot hit her hair and chest, and she was jerking my cock, coaxing more from me, and I was strangely calm.

"Oh, Baby! Ooooh, you came so much! Ooh!" I released her head and she dove back on me, cleaning me, wiping her face with my cum.

I sat back, panting as she crawled back up my body. "Oh, Baby, so much cum! You must've really wanted that, huh, baby?"

She didn't know how much. I had been able to get past the image of her, the shame and desire. Well, the shame part, but I still felt an odd desire for more.

"Oooh, baby, that was wonderful! Hmmm, I bet that little girl you got back home stays smilin' all the time, right? Listen, I'm sorry, Baby, I wish I could stay but, management... Anyway, I got to get back to work, Honey."

She was putting her robe on as I tucked my cock back in, and prepared to leave. "Thanks, Mona. That was one hell of a blowjob."

She winked at me. "Baby, how come the nice ones are always just passin' through? Maybe I'll see you on your way back home." She held the door for me, and I was gone, hoping to find normalcy.