The Randy Experience

A knock sounded at the door. The lone figure got up and answered it, not bothering to straighten his mussed hair. His resting-grump-face softened as he saw who it was.

"Janie, decent people aren't up at this hour," he chided with a lopsided grin.

"Sure they are, Randall. Our family are go-getters. Grandpa worked in the coal mine, got up at five in the morning, had six kids. Dad works the law office, gets up at-"

"Fine, fine. Maybe I should say, ONLY decent people are up at this hour."

He squinted at the bright sunlight burning away the remnant of fatigue clouding his mind.

"I never asked if you were decent. Maybe I should have," Janie teased.

"No matter what I dress in, I'm never decent," he replied. "Black sheep of the family and all. Ah, get in here."

He grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her inside.

"Have a seat, or whatever." He flopped back down on the couch.

"Steak for breakfast?" she said, raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah, it's-" he hesitated, decided to be at least a little classy for his sister, "-leftovers. Don't want it going to waste."

"Mm hmm," she said, not sounding entirely convinced.

"So what brings you here at this godly hour?"

"I want a room."

"No."

"I can-"

"I SAID NO. No, no no no no no. No."

"I'm a big girl now. A woman even. You can bring a girlfriend home, I won't mind."

"It's not just that. Shit, Janie, you're so determined to be worldly, but-"

"But what? You think I don't know how earplugs work? You think I won't be bringing a guy home myself?"

"That's not the point. I rent that room out, Janie."

"I know. I can pay."

"Janie, it's not even about the money."

"I know that, too."

"You do? How do you figure?"

She got a sly little grin as she pulled a folder tucked under her arm. She opened it and showed it to him.

"That's... my ad for a room."

"Posted last week," she pointed to the handwritten date on the printout in a sky blue ink and her neat, artistic handwriting. "No takers yet? Women only. Plenty of them around, I see them on the street."

"I'm in negotiations," he said. "I'll post it again if I have to."

"Oh really? Negotiations with whom?"

"I don't owe you anything, least of all an explanation."

She flipped the page.

"Again, my ad for a room. So what?"

"Six months ago, give or take. Vacancy shortly after graduation at the local university. Coincidence?"

He smirked.

"Thought so. You like smart girls, then?"

"Among other things, which I am absolutely not discussing with my sister."

"And this one," she said, flipping the page, "just one week before the last one."

"Janie, why did you print out all of these ads? You're killing the planet, or whatever."

"I'm making a point here. Stick with me, and I'll drive it home. So. A week?"

"No bites the first time around. At least, nothing worthwhile."

"Mm hmm. And again, the time before that, when said hot cheerleader-"

"Med student."

"Hmm. Needed an anatomy reference to study, did she?" she smiled knowingly.

"No. She wasn't studying to be a sex therapist, she wanted to be an anesthesiologist, you dork."

"Ha! You make it sound so lurid, but in truth, it was just a sad ploy to get a hot girl to stay with you for a few months at a time. Bet you never even fucked any of them- what's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing. Continue."

"Come on, spill it."

"Not that it's any of your business, but I fucked them until they saw God."

"Pfft. And what does he look like? Surely one of them described it, if that's true."

"Goddess, to be more accurate. Specifically, they saw their own inner goddess - they were magnificent creatures, each one of them."

"And you let them get away!? And this last one... no one's moved in, but you haven't posted again. Why not?"

"I'm really hoping that young real estate agent calls me back."

"What's so special about her?"

"Janie-"

"Don't you patronize me, I'm an adult now. Answer the question."

"Fine. If you must know, I figure I won't mind her long hours, and it would be fun to hear her chat with clients while she's wet and grinding on me. Closing that sale has got to be a great boost for her libido."

"There. Was that so hard?" She grinned triumphantly.

"No, what's hard is getting her to the ninth level of orgasm without popping myself."

Janie took a deep, shuddering breath. "Ninth!?" she finally squeaked.

"Oh, you didn't know about that?" he grinned. "Careful now, you're on the cusp of some seriously life-changing knowledge."

"H-how much do you charge them?"

"Generally, I don't take their money. I have plenty of benefit to myself from the arrangement."

"How so?" she frowned intensely at him, lips pressed tightly together in anticipation.

"Lets just say, I teach them how to catch and keep a man. Top tips to keep him happy and how to recognize the signs that she's really blowing his mind. Hands-on, you know; the work is its own reward. And of course, getting thanked for a spiritual experience of meeting your own inner goddess - why, it's been such a joy. That enthusiasm is next-level. Call it my fetish. Fuck, I can't believe I'm telling you this, you're my sister."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't care. You're ineligible, scram."

"Says who?" she smiled innocently.

"SAYS EVERYONE!" he exploded. "Don't you get it? You're talking about incest. There's basically no higher taboo that exists."

She was quiet for a minute. "Can't we work something out?"

"The Randy Treatment cannot be appreciated in anything other than its full form. At least a month of proper confidence-boosting, standard-raising, and sexual growth is required to provide my satisfaction guarantee."

"TM."

"Huh?"

"I swear, you said 'The Randy Treatment' with a TM after it. Like, a trademark."

"I really should trademark it," he chuckled.

"But what about me?" Janie said sadly. "Who else is out there doing what you do? Don't you want me to be happy?"

"Sure I do. But I can't help everyone. I'm just one guy."

"Is this why mom and dad kicked you out?" she said, eating up the gossip like candy.

"I guess so. They said no girls under their roof, but I don't know what they were expecting. This is human nature. I'm healthy, in my prime, and I love seeing a woman discover she is beautiful and worthy of being treated with more respect than most guys are willing to offer. If this is some ploy to get me to come back-"

"No. I mean, yes, they wanted me to figure out what you're up to, which is why I've been tracking your ads. Honest to god though, I'm here because I figured out half of it myself. I haven't told them anything."

"So what now?"

"Well, what do you look for in a woman? We know you like them smart."

"Sure. Smart, compassionate, driven... Does no good to show a woman her inner goddess if she's actually just a sea witch."

"Let's say I wasn't your sister. Would you?"

"In a heartbeat."

"You... look surprised. Why?"

"That, uh, just slipped out. I was trying so hard not to think about that. But then you asked me and the answer was right there on the tip of my tongue."

"Well... thank you. What, uhm... would you..." She colored, suddenly bashful.

"What would I do next? If you were here for that?"

"Yeah."

"I'd tell you about the neighbors. Tell you to expect some stink-eye, because they're jealous about how good a time I have. And, uhm..."

"What?"

"Well, I'd be flirty. Tell you about all the wonderful things I see when I look at you. Talk about your dreams, which of course I've been asking you about the whole time. You know, med school, become a doctor, open your clinic for children, maybe go work for Johns Hopkins and do cancer research, and how wonderful that is. Tell you how lucky your future husband is, and how I hope I get invited to the wedding. And then we finally get to the part where you ask how much per month I charge for the room, and I tell you I can't take your money, you're going to be doing such incredible things for people, for the nation, for the next generation, you need that money more than I do, and just please remember me when you're a big name that people know. Give me a shout out in your best-selling book."

"Because I'm going places?" She grinned.

"Damn straight you are."

"But I'm ineligible. I'm going nowhere."

"A technicality. You've got all the elements I look for. You've still got that goddess inside just waiting to discover herself. You just need the right guy to hold up that mirror."

"Oh, Randall, what am I going to do!?" she wailed, glomping him into the couch.

"Shit, Janie, I don't know. Good guys are hard to come by."

"I know! And then you find one and you scratch the surface and all the shiny friendly foil peels off and he's just a toad with a clever outfit on!"

"God, Janie, I'm sorry. What was his name?"

"I won't soil my mouth with the sound of it. Mom swore never to mention it, either."

"It was Baron, wasn't it?"

"Don't make me hurl, this is a nice couch."

"That douchebag didn't deserve you."

"I know, you warned me and I didn't listen. Too bad I didn't have a hunky guy to treat me right and totally ruin me for all the ogres out there looking for fresh meat."

"Damn shame."

"I have a question."

"Surprise, surprise."

She slugged him gently. "How do you know they'll go for it? How can you tell they'll let you show them that inner goddess, and not just use you for a free room?"

"It's this thing called 'chemistry'. I can just tell."

"They laugh at your jokes? Smile a lot? Find an excuse to touch you?"

He looked down, saw her lips quirked upward at the corners, cheek plastered to his chest, and hands firmly gripping his shoulders.

"...yyeeeaaaaahhh."

"Well I bet you there's one thing they've never done."

"Ha, let me just stop you right there-"

"They've probably never begged you. Right there, on their knees, on the first day."

"Uh, well-"

"Tell me I'm wrong."

He swallowed nervously.

"Well? I'm waiting. It's the easiest two words. Your favorite, growing up, as I recall," she taunted.

"I, uh... what happens if I do?"

"Doesn't matter, does it? Because you can't. These women believe you, and you can't bring yourself to disappoint them with a lie. Tell me I'm wrong."

"I..."

"You're a cheater, aren't you? All these women come through here and you cheat on them, and that's why they keep leaving."

"I am not a cheater!"

"Tell me I'm wrong!"

"You're wrong!"

"See? You can say it when you believe it. You were always too honest for your own good, you could never lie to our parents and that's how they found out you were sneaking girls in and kicked you out. Well, now all these women come here, and they can see it in your damnably cute, honest, wholesome face. You can't lie to them, and they believe you when you tell them that they are beautiful. And you can't tell me I'm wrong about begging because it's never happened."

"You manipulative, little..."

"You're saying it wrong. It's pronounced 'accurate', not 'manipulative'."

"You don't have an inner goddess, you have a court jester."

"That's sarcasm. You don't really believe that."

"No, but I really want to."

"So let me be the first, then."

"First of what- no. No, no-"

"Come on, pleeeease. I'm begging you, I know you've never had that before."

"Janie, I am not putting you up here-"

"But I know what day it is! I belong right here! Right in this very spot!"

He stared at her suspiciously as she slipped to her knees on the floor in front of the couch. He knew he was going to somehow regret asking this question, but he couldn't think of a way out of it.

"What day is it?"

She reached up with both hands and took a firm grip around the waist band of his sweat pants.

"You've already got the steak. You just need one more thing for steak-and-a-blowjob day."

"How do YOU know about- yipe!"

Before he could think of how to react, she yanked down his sweat pants, and his underwear with them, and darted forward to suck as much of his dick into her mouth as she could.

Time came to a stop. The erection he'd been so carefully trying to suppress and ignore, now had his full attention. How could it not? It was currently trapped between his sister's lips, wet and pulsing, damning him to god-only-knew-what fate.

"J-Janie... you..."

"Mmm?"

"You have my..."

Slurp.

"Nnngh. Fuck, you have... have my..."

"Mm hmm?"

"You have my cock in your mouth."

"Mmmmmmm."

It was a deep groan of, if not satisfaction, then at least anticipation.

"Hoooooly shit let's t-t-t-taaaaaaaaaaalk-crap that feels good-uh, let's talk about this."

"Mm mm," she said, shaking her head side to side, sliding her lips sideways over his shaft and pivoting her tongue on the underside of his cock head.

"We caaaaan't do this fuck fuck this is so wrong."

"Ok, I'll stop-"

"Oh thank god."

"-IF. If you tell me you don't want this. If you tell me you're not enjoying it. If you tell me," she slithered up and looked him right in the eyes, foreheads pressed together, "that you don't want to see the goddess emerge."

"Gnnnnkh..."

Her hand was running him up and down the shaft, slathering him with her saliva.

"Well?"

"This isn't fair! I'm a red-blooded human male in my sexual pr-aaaaaaaaaagh goddamn that feels so good!"

"Please..." she looked up at him as she sank back down, traces of tears still in the corners of her eyes, pleading with him.

She kissed the head, with a loud wet sound.

"I'm begging you..."

Kiss.

"Take me in..."

She took him as deep as she could, gagging and pulling back out.

"And show me I'm desirable..."

Some part of his wits returned, and he reached down to pull her off as she was talking, but she only took that as encouragement, pulling him deeper into her mouth and gagging but holding herself in place.

"I can't... I can't..."

"Mrgh!" she protested with another gag, grabbing behind his ass and pulling herself hard into his crotch.

"I can't... hold it back..."

She pulled back to where just the head remained in her face, looking up at him wide-eyed and expectantly. She stroked him with a firm grip, sucking hard.

"AaaAAAauuUUUuuuggGGGghhhHHHhhh!" he said, mirroring the heavy flow of seed exiting his body in spurts with matching sounds coming from his throat.

She lapped at it with her tongue, but he pulled her up and away from his sensitive member, crushing her against his chest.

"...too much?" she said.

"Too... god... too much... fuck, what have I done..."

"What do you tell those women, hmm?"

"Wh- what do you mean?"

"When they say they're not worthy. That there's no goddess inside, because no one else can see it."

"Huhh... hahh... gyah. You expect deep thought from me after that!? Bloody hell, I think a part of my soul is missing."

"You don't have to answer right away."

He caught his breath after a bit, and the color started returning to his face.

"I guess I would say... don't listen to other people who don't see it. Listen to me, instead."

"Then don't you listen to other people, either, about what's wrong. Listen to yourself. Does this feel wrong to you?"

"I..."

"...it doesn't, does it?"

"..."

"Well if that's true, then you need to take me to the bed and show me that goddess inside. Because I really need to meet her."

"Jesus christ I can't believe..."

"Aww, are you calling me unbelievable? You're so sweet."

"You *are* unbelievable. I can't believe you've never seen a mirror before. The goddess is right there."

She giggled. "I guess it's just like missing the forest for the trees. I just never see her. You need to help me."

"Bedroom. Now."

It wasn't glamorous from the outside view; the trail of clothes leading to the bedroom were haphazard and without any aesthetic consideration. But the kiss of passion that smoldered between them at the foot of the bed woke something deep inside Janie, something powerful and self-aware. She could feel the room around her with her eyes closed, and she imagined her third eye opening as her brother's hard cock pistoned deeper and deeper inside her secret place, washing away the grime of shame and guilt in a scouring blast of ecstasy, the oppressive fears that shackled her, dragged her shoulders down at the slightest disapproving gaze, melting away under the assault.

She cried out at the sudden emptiness as he pulled completely out of her and slid downward on the bed to lash her rosy nether lips with his tongue, kissing and suckling between her thighs, and teasing her pink pearl. The first wave of orgasmic power washed over her, and she felt the entirety of her past paling in the face of the profound depth of this moment.

"Ohhhh my fucking GOD."

"Goddeth," he corrected, not bothering to lift his tongue for proper enunciation.

She tossed and turned under his ministrations, squealing as his fingers entered her, breath catching as his other hand flicked a nipple and groaning as he squeezed her breast, shaking as his fingertips burned a path down her sides.

"How- can- this- be- real," she breathed, not expecting an answer.

The next thing she knew, she was ass-up with her face in his pillow, pushing herself back as he slipped his dick inside, making her nerve endings sing notes that she never knew existed. And then the orgasms came, one after another, none of them individually hard but together forming a chain of climactic links that bound her heart to him.

The fog lifted on her ability to find her words as they lay in a tangle of blankets and limbs, sticky with sweat where they pressed together.

"Tell me, brother guru," she rasped through vocal cords that were not used to screaming like that. "How do I catch and keep a man happy?"

"Well, the first thing you should know..." he said, getting up and kneeling over her face, letting his mostly-hard cock dangle right over her lips, "... is that in the right man, there is also a god, just like your goddess. And he demands his due."

His fingers sank into her hair, and she followed his guidance; her mouth opened obediently to accept him, and he thrust over her tongue and as far back as he could go, before pulling back and slowly sliding back in. He took her hand and wrapped it around the base, showing her to grip and twist gently to stimulate the whole male organ as it emerged from her gullet. He movements became harder and less controlled, and finally he pulled out and aimed at her exposed chest, throwing a river of semen across her mountains and down in the valley of her cleavage.

She blinked. "That's it? Just worship your inner god with my inner goddess?"

"That's the gist. But there's so much more to know..."

"Then I'd better quit wasting time. Can I move in tomorrow?"

"Well, uh..."

She sensed his doubts returning, and decided to do something crazy.

"Hell, I'll sleep in your bed, the real estate agent can take the other room. You can teach us both. My inner goddess needs friends, and I bet hers does too."

"I don't know..."

"Call her. I'll tell her myself. Where's your phone?"

Still in shock, he went through the motions of unlocking his phone and pulling up the contact entry. She pressed the button, and it rang a few times before going to voice mail. She took note of the name on the screen.

"Hi Lucille, this is Randall's friend Janie using his phone. I heard you're considering moving in with him, and I couldn't be happier, he's such a great guy. You sound like an amazing person and I can't wait to meet you! Call back when you have a minute, I'd like us all to go out to coffee and get to know each other. Bye for now! Hope you're having a fantastic day!"

Boop.

"How was that?"

"Are- did you just wingman for me?"

"Wingma'am, reporting for duty."

He collapsed in a fit of laughter on top of her, and she knew she had him.