My drive home was mixed with emotions. Besides the girls, Bob Arnold was on my mind and I went from anger, to lustful yearning, to an almost passionate concern over what Bob might be going through. My problem was simple; I knew nothing and only had suspicions – unable to prove or disprove. I started to shiver. The warm evening breeze entering the car seemed as cold and calculating as my own daughter's actions over the past few days.
By the time I reached home, I caught myself mentally reviewing just how I might strike up a conversation with ole Bob. Entering the house, I leaned against the front door and heard it click shut. The click ended my thinking. Given everything that had ran through my mind, I still had no idea on how to actually meet up with Bob and not tip him off about why. I sighed heavily and went off to bed. 'Tomorrows another day Matt – let this thing go for now.' I told myself.
It wasn't that easy.
~
I woke from a dream involving Julie and myself. It seemed real enough to feel the warm summer breeze blowing through my hair, as we raced down a road in her new Miyata. Nothing too odd in that, except Julie was stark naked and waving at passing motorists.
I sat up with a jolt of adrenaline coursing through me, breathing rapid and wide eyed. I recognized the feeling immediately. It was fear. After a few minutes, I managed to compose myself and eased from the bed. Caught up in thought, my being alone didn't register immediately. When it did, I turned slowly looking at Doreen's side of the bed, finding it un-slept in.
The thoughts that didn't go through my mind, at that point, unnerved me. Strangely, concern wasn't one of them. In fact, it was nothing above mild curiosity and that's what unnerved me most. The word affair entered my head, as I walked down to the kitchen, finding myself actually grinning over the thought. 'Hell why not - everything else is topsy turvy any more, why not add that to the mix.'
I sat smoking the day's first cigarette, waiting for the coffee to brew, when Julie walked in. She looked refreshed. It was obvious she'd showered, her hair was still damp. With a beaming smile she said good morning and headed off for her room. Nothing more, nothing less was said between us. An hour later, Julie walked through again, dressed for school, and waved good bye, leaving me to my thoughts.
I'd be lying if I said my thoughts weren't dark, brooding almost in their intensity. Doreen came to mind first, as I wondered just what dramatic surprise her exploits might throw my way, divorce was always messy. Then Bob entered my mind again. I felt the aching pain of jealousy inside me wondering if Bob's face had showed the same satisfied look that Julie's had this morning. And finally, I smiled recalling the intense anal sex shared with Bob's daughter. 'If you only knew Bob...If you only knew.' The final thought flashing through my head, as I got up and dumped the third cup of coffee out. It was cold and the mission today didn't involve my lying around the house.
By noon I felt beat. I'd been to every car dealership in town and come up empty. No one had a red Miyata convertible. I cursed under my breath, leaving the last dealer, and headed for the nearest bar. A drink wasn't going to solve my problem but, it'd damn sure help me feel better. And so, at 1:30 I found myself setting at the bar of Benny's Pub. I had a strong suspicion that Benny wasn't Irish, even though he tried to pass his establishment off as an Irish pub. His whiskey was good and that's all I cared about.
Thirty minutes later Benny's received another patron. Like me, he too took a seat at the bar, several chairs away. I paid him casual notion and continued with my drink. Something about him seemed familiar, when I over heard his drink request. I couldn't place what it was and polished off my hi-ball. I held up my glass, indicating for the bartender to hit me again when he finished with his new customer.
Being closer, the bartender dropped off my drink first and then went to serve the new arrival, striking up a conversation with him. I sat sipping and eaves dropped. 'That voice...I knew that voice but, from where?' I thought, deciding to take another look at the man.
His physical appearance did nothing to jolt my memory. He was a mousey little man, with a taste for Vodka on the rocks, that's all I knew. The out of pure happenstance, the little man posed a question to the bartender, obviously named Pete.
"Pete, is everything alright?" I heard him ask and a light bulb went on inside my head! I swiveled my head to the right and stared in fascination at the man I felt certain was Bob Arnold! It dawned on me, just then, that someone had peaked out of the living room curtain at Becky's house last night - someone short! It was him!
'Go figure - him? This meek little guy was the man having sex with my daughter? Holy Christ!' I thought, taking another long hit from my drink, as I stared unable to take my eyes from him. I was about to get up and confront him when he noticed my staring.
When I stood up, Bob turned away and started to rise. "Bob? Bob Arnold?" I called out, a little too loud. He stopped half way off the bar stool and turned back to me.
"Perhaps – who's asking?"
"Matt Benson, Julie's father. Your daughter and Julie are best friends – right?" I answered back and took a seat next to him. He nodded at my reply, slowly reseating himself with a curious look on his face.
"Nice to meet you, Bob." I went on, holding out my hand and then quickly added, "Oh - I'm sorry, may I call you Bob? It's funny our meeting this way...SO what's got you out and around today?"
I was babbling and I knew it. Arnold was looking a bit skittish when I stopped talking but, took my hand and shook it. The shake was limp at best but, he did shake it and said,
"Yeah – yeah Bob's fine. I'm out looking for a car."
"No shit, me too! What are the chances? Time for a new ride huh?" I commented, taking a drink and looking away. I wanted to disarm this man and talk to him, not make him bolt and run. To that end, I laughed after my comment and offered him a cigarette.
"Don't smoke, I quit but, thanks anyway and no - the car isn't for me. I'm looking for Becky."
I choked on my drink at his final words and spit out most of it. With a sheepish grin, I turned back to him and apologized, as I wiped up my mess. "For Becky? Really, that is strange. I'm out looking for a car for Julie. Any luck?"
Bob's eyes widened a bit, as he sat staring at me. There was a nervous twitch in his hands when he raised his drink. I smiled, raised my glass in a salute and took another sip. 'I knew it...He's being blackmailed too!' I thought, hoping my actions were being viewed as friendly. There was a great deal we needed to talk about.
"Mr. Benson..."
"Hey – Matt, please!"
"Matt then, I really must be going. I have a lot of looking to do. Perhaps we'll talk again some time?" He remarked, standing up to finish his drink. "Until next time. Good luck on your search."
"Yeah...Yeah the same to you, until next time Bob. Say hi to Becky for me!" I called out after him. I watched the meek man scurry out of the bar, in a nervous hurry. He paused only slightly when I mentioned Becky's name and seemed to shiver before continuing his escape.
I recalled Becky's comment about her father and shook my head in wonder. I found it nearly impossible to believe the little man could be involved at all. 'He just didn't seem the type.' I thought, and then laughed, lifting my drink. 'Shit, who was?' I polished off my drink and paid the tab. Like Bob, I'd come up empty and the future seemed to hinge on one thing – a Miyata.
~
I arrived home to a dark house and disgusted at my lack of progress. I'd forgotten about the empty bed. The dark house brought the thought back to me. I actually expected Doreen to home, if for no other reason than to lay into me about Julie, our marriage or whatever she felt the need to. Somehow, the silence instilled a little gratitude in me, as it would give me time to think about what my next move would be.
Entering my room, I heard the front door slam shut. There was no way of telling who came in and I announced where I was at, before walking to the closet. The fact that half the closet was empty didn't dawn on me until I heard a scream echo through the house. It was Julie! With sudden realization, I stared at the half empty closet and immediately understood what the scream was about. Doreen was gone.
I backed up, still staring at the empty closet and sat heavily on the bed. 'What the hell?' I mumbled just as Julie burst through the door. She came to a skidding stop, waving a sheet of paper in her hand.
"She's gone! She was having an affair! Daddy we're alone! Do you know what that means?"
"Julie, my God, calm down! Give me that." I shouted over her joyous screaming and snatched the paper from her. Her jubilance died down as I sat reading the letter.
"Daddy? You're okay right? I mean you guys weren't really in love any more were you? Daddy?" Julie asked with some persistence, as she eased down on the bed next to me.
I remained silent, re-reading the "Dear John" letter. When I'd finished I let the letter fall from my hand and drift to the floor. 'Nineteen years, fuck! Nineteen years down the shitter!' My mind screamed out, even though I wasn't entirely surprised.
"Daddy talk to me please." Julie whispered, placing her hand on mine, giving it a small squeeze. "You're okay right?"
"Aw Julie, you don't understand – you really don't. I'm alright. I just hope this doesn't turn ugly - divorce can be very ugly Julie." I replied, and stood to close the empty closet doors.
There was a real finality to the doors closing. I turned towards my daughter, with a question. Julie...Just what was between you two? I mean you seemed so down on Doreen for the longest time and Doreen was always sticking up for you. What gives?" I asked.
In a rare display of maturity, Julie sat silent for a period thinking. Finally, she eased back on the bed pillows and explained her side of my question.
