In my haste to get the last part of this story posted before I moved. I may have glossed over some editing...It was my fault not my editors.
A special thank you for OMEGAZONE for his editing.
If you enjoyed the last part of this story, I implore you to read this in its entirety. It may seem familiar at first, but you will be rewarded in future stories of the paragon clan.
As always I appreciate your votes, feedback and comments. They and You motivate me to continue.
***************
Part 2, Perspective.
I've done this a million times, and yet, I can't even begin to know where to start... I often find it cathartic to write my thoughts down as if I'm speaking to someone else. I feel that if I purge myself onto paper I can get what is bothering me; out of me. I may need a lot of paper for this.
My name is Veronika Paragon. I'm a relatively young, single Mother...Mother?
I don't know if I deserve that title anymore. I tried to be the best mother I could be, and now I feel I've failed. Maybe to understand my actions, you should first understand me.
I was a wild child, a veritable hellion. I was beautiful and I knew it. Hell; I had been told everyday since my earliest recollection.
"Oh my, she's so pretty", "Oh she'll be a heartbreaker", "My, she's so beautiful" So what did I do? I rebelled of course. I used my beauty to my advantage.
I could get anything I wanted and I wanted it all. I left home when I was young. I was going to conquer everything.
The world slapped me in the face, and said there are a million beautiful people out there, what makes you special?
Not one to give up, I turned to modeling. I paid to have a portfolio put together, only to learn what rejection was. "You're too pretty for what we're looking for" " I'm sorry your look is just too exotic for are purposes" "You're incredibly beautiful, but you're not tall enough"...etc...etc...etc...
Here I was, still willing to take on the world, but now my one advantage was a hindrance.
A modeling friend of mine, under a similar situation turned to nude modeling and suggested I do the same.
I had to eat, but it was with great reluctance that I did my first nude layout.
I was an overnight success! I had photographers throwing money at me. I had male and female, celebrities vying for my attention. I was finally conquering the world. I partied endlessly. It was the eighties and everyone was in a non-stop party.
My agent suggested I needed to expand my portfolio. She suggested that I start doing hardcore porn. I said absolutely NO!
She suggested I do soft-core porn. I said absolutely NO! She suggested I do a Photo layout with a nude male model with absolutely no penetration.
I said I'll think about it.
My agent arranged for me to meet the male model, and my GOD, was he beautiful! He was from Eastern Europe. His dream was to come to America and be a famous movie star, but he had a heavy accent and in the eighties, during the cold war, heavy eastern European accents weren't highly sought after in Hollywood's leading men.
I said I would absolutely do the layout. We saw each other casually from then on. We partied, we screwed, we wouldn't see each other for months, and then we would screw and party some more. It was perfect for my lifestyle, and then I got pregnant with my first child, Caprice. I named her Caprice because I was whimsical and I wanted her to be as well. I didn't see her father at all during my pregnancy; he was busy building a career of his own. I stayed in shape during my pregnancy so I could continue modeling and waited patiently.
The father got word from a friend of a friend weeks after our Daughter was born and
surprisingly showed up immediately. We talked all night about how he wanted to be a father and he had enough money to open a gym, and we should quit this lifestyle and devote ourselves to our daughter.
I said "Whoa! You're outta your fucking mind!" I hadn't yet conquered the world, I still had big plans. No daughter was going to change that.
He made love to me that night with more passion than I had ever experienced. I never saw him after that, but I was pregnant again.
I had twins. Another beautiful little daughter, Jadyn arrived first, and my baby boy Priest followed right behind. I named them shortly after the doctors told me I wouldn't be able to have children anymore. Jadyn because I felt jaded by the world and Priest because I originally wanted to name him Deacon, but didn't want him to aim so low in life, and Pope and cardinal just didn't sound right.
Upon the news that I was sterile, something primal snapped in my mind. My surfeit
was gone; my only concern was for the welfare of my children.
I took most of the money I had made modeling and started buying properties. I built up a nice little empire, always keeping busy never staying idle.
This seems like a good place to start my story:
It was Thursday around 10am. I had been up since six, but found myself sitting in the family room staring at the ceiling. For some reason I was very contemplative that morning. I sat there, as I considered the fact that all my "Babies" were young adults now. My oldest; Caprice, who people often think is my sister, had already spent a year away at college.
Priest, turned down two athletic scholarships and accepted a science scholarship out of state. I suspected it had more to do with the fact that his girlfriend already went to the same school, but I was proud never the less.
My little girl Jadyn was undecided. She went to Europe with Caprice a few days earlier to "clear her head", so she could decide about what she wanted in life. She was stunningly beautiful, more so than I had ever been. I looked at her and I saw my mother. Jadyn had been an awkward teenager, Skinny with braces and glasses, but she soon bloomed into one of the most gorgeous young women I had ever seen. I was careful not to compliment her, or any of my children for that matter, on their looks. Remembering the path my ego had lead me I concentrated on there education, and though Jadyn didn't get a scholarship and hadn't decided yet if she wanted to go to college, she was very, very smart. I had no doubt she would make the right decision and be successful at whatever she did.
All of my "babies" would soon be gone. God I felt old and tired as I thought back on the last eighteen years. There was no man in my life, there hadn't been since my children's father. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a "man-hater". I would often see men that caught
my fancy, but the children and my good peaceful life would flash in my mind and I would get a feeling that a relationship just wasn't worth the effort.
I could always go "Funshopping" with the girls and get an ego boost and then come home to my box of "Toys". My needs were met and my children never had to see the "Wild me". A sudden terrible dread took hold.
"No more Funshopping?" I pouted to myself. With the girls gone it would just be shopping.
Something riled me from my stupor, as I stood up, made a show of dusting off my lap and said.
"I'll procrastinate: tomorrow." It was sort of my motto and it got me through the last 19 years.
I grabbed my car keys and sunglasses as I made my way to the kitchen. My son was surprisingly already up and just sitting down with breakfast.
As he hadn't yet seen me, I decided to have some fun with him. I got up close behind him and stated loudly.
