The Motherfucer Rag

First story of the new year for me - hope you like it - a bit of silliness and a bit long, but I think it turned out well! Apologies up front for the lyrics - I can deal with prose pretty well, I think, but I suck at poetry/song lyrics!

As always, this is a work of fiction and all characters within are simply figments of my imagination and exist solely within the confines of my mind and in this story.

Let me know what you think - negative or positive, your feedback is important to me! Enjoy

I've never viewed myself to be more than your average, slightly dull working mother. I've been divorced for nearly sixteen years and have raised my son, now an eighteen year old senior in high school, alone – his father left Chicago for Las Vegas before the ink was dry on our divorce decree and we've not heard from him since. I worked as an accountant in a local business firm and we've done well for ourselves.

It's been pretty much just John and me – I've had boyfriends from time to time, but none stuck with us – no one seemed to want the extra baggage I suppose. Still, I'm not what I'd call lonely and I've been very content. John has been the center of my life and I'm very proud of him and all that he's accomplished. He already has won an academic scholarship to a prestigious university here in Chicago and plans to stay at home while in college thus relieving me of any immediate anxieties over impending "empty nest syndrome."

John's a good son, stays out of trouble and helps around the house. He's dating a lovely young cheerleader named Kelly and while she and I have never hit it off (I think she's a bit jealous of any other woman around "her" John, including his mother), but I'm happy that he's happy. I'm sure they're sexually active as I've seen the signs, but he and I had that "talk" a long time ago and I'm sure he's taking all the necessary precautions.

If I had any complaints about my son, it would be limited to his choice of music – he adores "heavy metal" music, the louder the better. But, other than establishing some basic ground rules for volume levels in the house or in the car, I've adapted and have even become used to hearing the noise that passes for his music! I've even learned to accept the sometimes vile language that some of the groups pass off as lyrics.

I sometimes find it ironic that it was my son's love for his music that led to both our worlds being literally turned upside down for all time – well, his love for heavy metal and Dirty Davy and the Chimp! I'm sure you've heard of them – they're syndicated all over the nation now – two of those afternoon shock jock radio people. They are based right here in Chicago and run the late afternoon radio show for the Tri-State's most popular hard rock station.

I was only vaguely aware of them as I prefer the lite-pop stations and only then because of their outrageous stunts and penchant for sexually charged material – well, that and the fact that I think they set a record for the highest FCC fine for obscenity a few years back, something they still brag about. Anyways, it was Dirty Davy and the Chimp who set things into motion that changed the lives of my son and me.

I had known that John's favorite band – some huge British or Australian heavy metal band was coming to Chicago this spring. It was constantly on John's mind. I had agreed to spring for tickets for him and Kelly, assuming he could get tickets. Alas, my poor baby never got out of the gate – the tickets getting snapped up by profiteers before the average Joe had a chance. John was disappointed when the tickets were listed for resale at prices that were way out of our league unless I wanted to take a second mortgage on the house.

That's where Dirty Davy and the Chimp came in. They decided to have a contest to give away a pair of first row seats and my son asked me for permission to enter. Not bothering to listen to the details, I gave him my blessing. I told him to not get his hopes up, that probably hundreds of thousands of other metal heads would be entering. Still, I knew the minute I walked into the kitchen one day that from my son's grin, he had won!

"Mom, I just talked to the Chimp himself! This is so cool!"

"I'm so happy for you, honey! Have you told Kelly? I know she'll be thrilled to hear you've won your big tickets."

My son laughed and said, "Yeah, I called her a little while ago, but Mom, we haven't won anything yet. They just drew our names so we can try and win the tickets. We have to um do it before we actually win."

I sat down at the kitchen table and eyed my son who was leaning against the counter. "Do it?" I replied, "Do what, son?" I kicked off my high heel shoes and crossing my legs, leaned over and massaged my aching stocking clad feet.

John's grin faded to be replaced by a somewhat embarrassed and guilty expression. "Um, you know, make out." He was avoiding my gaze, although judging from the direction he was staring, it was hard to tell if he was doing it out of guilt or was ogling my legs.

I started to pay more attention. "Make out? Like kissing and hugging making out? Don't tell me you and Kelly have to make out on those idiots' radio show."

John frowned and shook his head. In a voice now edged with caution, he replied, "No, Mom, remember? You and I have to make out on the radio show."

"WHAT!" I jumped to my feet, not quite believing what I just heard. I started to laugh, thinking John was playing a joke on me, but his expression was dead serious. "You're kidding me, John, right? RIGHT?"

John slowly shook his head from side to side. "I told you, Mom, remember? Dirty Davy and the Chimp have done this before – they love holding their "Making Out With Mom for Tickets" contest. The mom and son selected have to kiss for one minute to win." John could barely meet my gaze now and he added meekly, "Remember?"

"Hell no, I don't remember. I just remember you asking me could you enter their contest." I paused and tried to honestly recall him telling me the details, but I came up blank. I eyed my son who was suddenly looking like I'd told him I was planning to shoot his dog. "By kissing, you're talking about French kissing, aren't you?"

John glumly nodded. I rolled my eyes and said, "Son, are you crazy? There's no way I'm going to French kiss my own son for an entire minute!"

"But Mom, it's our only chance! This is THE concert of a lifetime. Those tickets are worth like a couple of grand!" Part of me wanted to just laugh my ass off and the other part wanted to clout my son on the head for being so dense.

"I am not letting my son put his tongue into my mouth for an entire minute – not even for tickets to see Elvis if he were to come back from the dead! Sorry, sweetheart, no way, no how!"

John looked down at the ground, his lower lip pooched out like it always does when he's wanting something and my answer is no. "Jeez, Mom, it's just a stupid kiss."

I laughed and went over and hugged him. "No," I replied and started out of the room.

"You know, I aint exactly a loser, Mom," John called after me, grasping at straws. "I've been told I'm a real good kisser!"

I paused in the doorway and looked back at my son. He is definitely not a loser. John is a handsome young man, standing just a hair over six feet tall and slender and wiry. His dark brown eyes and matching shaggy head of hair drew more than his fair share of young ladies stares when we are out in public and he'd had no trouble getting dates before he and Kelly hooked up.

"I know you're not a loser, sweetie, you're a handsome young man, and I'm sure you're a good kisser – hell, I'm a good kisser, but I'm your mother. It aint going to happen!" I turned and headed down the hall towards the stairs, John trailing behind, still pleading his case.

"Cmon, Mom. Just one kiss, Mom. It'll be fun. I'm a good looking guy and you're a beautiful woman...how bad can one kiss be?"

My son's words stopped me in my tracks. A sudden thrill ran through me, beginning between my thighs and traveling upwards to make my nipples tingle. John has complemented me many times, but there was something more in his voice this time, something that made my pussy a little more than damp. I turned and faced my son. "I'm your mother, John. A mother and son shouldn't ever kiss that way." I reached out and patted his cheek. "But thanks for the compliment, son. That was very sweet of you."

John's face reddened and he shrugged in a bashful manner. "One kiss, Mom, one kiss with a little tongue. What could it hurt?" he said softly. We stared at each other silently for a minute and then he added, "Just a little tongue kiss, Mom," and then he stuck his tongue out at me and blew me a raspberry. It broke the tension and suddenly we were both laughing.

Somewhere in the midst of that laughter, I suddenly realized that I was about to change my mind and I said, "Am I really beautiful, John?"

It was my son's turn to roll his eyes and he replied, "Are you kidding me, Mom. You're freaking gorgeous – one of the sexiest Moms in the neighborhood!" I blushed even as his words served to fuel the growing heat between my thighs. I could feel my labia swelling and growing slick. I was amazed that I was hearing my son talking like that and even more amazed that I liked hearing it.

"Well..." I paused, John's eyes growing wide with disbelief like a condemned prisoner seeing the warden waving a pardon in his face after already being strapped in the electric chair. It would have been cute if the whole thing wasn't so ridiculous. Still, he was my only son and I confess to finding it hard to ever deny him anything. "Alright, if it won't gross you out Frenching your mother, I'll do it!"

"YES!" John crowed and he picked me up and spun me around, making me giggle like a school girl. He set me down and then to my surprise, kissed me right on the lips – chastely, but firmly, his lips pressing against mine. The heat smoldering within my pussy turned to liquid fire in the blink of an eye.

"Hey now!" I said, laughing and backing away, feeling my face burn. "I said I'd do it, but no practicing. This is a one time deal! Don't forget, I'm not some easy lay, I'm your mother!"

"Yes, you are and I love you, Mom!" John exclaimed, holding out his arms and heading towards me like he was about to hug me and kiss me again.

I squealed and giggled and ran for the stairs like my life depended on it. "Behave, buster! Remember, its just one kiss!" I hurried upstairs and into my room, slamming the door behind me, hearing John's happy voice still thanking me and telling me how, much he loved me!

I leaned against the door and caught my breath and as I calmed down, I began to wonder what in the hell was I doing. From the door, I could see my reflection in a tall mirror across the room. "What in the world were you thinking, Carol?" I asked myself. To be honest, I wasn't sure why I had agreed to do it. Maybe it was as I have already mentioned – that I have never been able to really say no to my son about anything. Maybe it was that he called me beautiful and sexy in a man's lusty voice and that's something I don't get to hear much anymore and I really like hearing him say it.

I looked at my reflection. I have never really considered myself beautiful – not even really all that pretty. My face has too many sharp and harsh angles – the best feature being the dark brown eyes that I've passed onto my son. My hair, dark brown and starting to be streaked with gray at age forty-five, is unruly and coarse and I generally wear it pulled back into a pony tail or like today, just let it hang to my shoulders and hope for the best.

I know I don't have a Hollywood body – I stand five foot, five inches tall and weigh around 145 pounds. I'm just a bit stocky – no flat stomach for me and plenty of tits and ass with measurements of 38D-28-40. My legs are still in good shape and I am never ashamed to wear a dress. I'm no raving beauty, but damn it feels good to be told I look sexy, even if it's my son saying it!

I got my act together and put the naughty thoughts flitting around inside my head away and got on with my evening. After dinner, I got the particulars from John and Kelly who'd showed up for a study date. Our "make-out session" was to happen in two days – Friday afternoon – a week before the actual concert.

I began to regret agreeing to do this the more I thought about it, although my resolve was strengthened when Kelly told me with a smirk that she never thought I'd have the nerve to go through with it. As I mentioned already, my son's girlfriend and I are not exactly close and the only thing her snarky attitude did was piss me off.

And so it was that my son, his girlfriend and I walked into the radio station that Friday afternoon to be led with some smirking and tittering by the employees to the radio booth of Dirty Davy and the Chimp. It was a warm April day and both John and Kelly were casually dressed in T-shirts and jeans while I was wearing a pair of dressy slacks and a light sweater with a mild scoop neck, just enough to hint at cleavage and the very upper swells of my breasts.

Dirty Davy and the Chimp lived completely up to expectations. Dirty Davy was a middle aged man, wearing a Cubs jersey and cap and greasy jeans, his cap hiding his almost bald head. He was leering at me from the moment we walked in and were introduced. The Chimp was a short man with more facial hair than I have ever seen on any human, his dark eyes staring beadily from his hirsute face. His voice had an animal quality and I had a sudden unsettling vision of him naked, his body covered with a thick mat of dark hair with a long, uncut cock protruding from the jungle of animal hair between thick and meaty thighs. I shivered when I was introduced and he reached out and took my hand. He was scary in a sexually arousing sort of way. I could envision myself being ravaged by him and almost enjoying it!

They wasted no time getting us on the air, handing us headsets and explaining the booth operations and then chatting us up as soon as an Iron Maiden song faded away. Forgive me if the following is awkward, but I'm not sure how to put what happened down into words.

Dirty Dave: "All right, Chicago. Lets give a big WFUK welcome to Carol and John – our lucky mother and son going for the tickets to the big concert next Friday night!"

The Chimp: "Oh yeah and if I may be so bold, John my man, your mother is smoking hot!" He gave a little woof and then pushed a button setting off loud wolf whistles. I felt myself blush.

Dirty Davy: "Yes indeed, John – you definitely have a fox for a mom!"

John: "Um, yeah, my Mom is beautiful!"

Dirty Davy: "Sexy is the word I would use, dude and Chicago, you can check her out yourself if you just go to our website – we have the Chimp Cam up and running – so check delicious Mom Carol out!"

I stiffened up at that comment and stared daggers at my son. "You never said anything about this being on the internet, John!" I hissed. The shock jocks began hooting with laughter.

Dirty Davy: "Uh oh! I think John's going to the wood shed after this! The only question is, Mom, are you still going to go through with it?"

The Chimp: "Bet she does, bet she does!"

I started to get up and walk, but caught a glimpse of Kelly smirking knowingly at me and again she just pissed me off! "You betcha, Davy! So are we gonna do this or not?" I replied, my voice nervous and tight. Somebody pushed another noise button and the booth filled with the sounds of a crowd cheering.

The Chimp: "Aw man, Why couldn't I had had a Mommy like yours, John? She can't wait to get going!" I heard wet, breathy noises echoing through my headset. The Chimp grinned evilly at me.

Dirty Davy: "You are definitely Mother of the Year material, Carol. Now – you know the drill right?"

I nodded and replied, "Yes, my son and I have to kiss for a full minute in front of you pervs!" This seemed to crack both guys up and my ears were filled with the sounds of hooting, screaming monkeys.

Dirty Davy: "You're close, Mommy! Me and my brother perv are going to watch you and your son swapping spit for a whole minute – a full on French kiss complete with tongues for sixty seconds."

The Chimp: "Or longer if you feel like it – we like to um, encourage close family relations. We consider it our sacred and privileged duty!"

John and I were sitting on adjoining stools in the booth, and we turned to each other and then I eyed the Chimp and asked, "So, should we start now?"

The evil looking little man held up a stopwatch and said, "Time starts as soon as I see tongues touching!" As way as example, he stuck his tongue out – why did it have to be so freaking long – at me! I shivered a little, maybe from the air conditioning turned on high in the booth, maybe from the tingling warmth growing between my legs. Omigod, I was about to French kiss my son!

I turned to John and said, "Are you ready?"

My son nodded, grinning and for the radio audience's benefit replied, "Oh yeah, Mom! I've been dreaming of this moment!" He paused as his own words sank in and then hastily added, "I mean, getting the tickets!"

Dirty Dave: "This is it – the moment the question 'Would you make out with your mother for free concert tickets?' is about to be answered! They're leaning towards each other. I see Mom's tongue – omigod, I think I'm in love. Closer, closer. Oh WOW!"

The Chimp: "And the clock's running, Mom and son are locking lips and look at them go!"

On some level I was aware of the shock jocks yammering, but mostly the world suddenly winnowed down to my son and myself as I pressed my open mouth to his, tongue extended and totally unprepared for the almost electric shock I felt when John's tongue first brushed against mine. Lips pressed together and we were doing what came naturally. Our tongues played and danced and the longest, sweetest minute of my life began!

John's arms came up and around my shoulders and pulled me close even as I slipped my arms around his waist, resisting the desire to pull him even closer as I gave an unexpected little sigh as we kissed.

The Chimp: "Fifteen seconds gone and Lord Jesus don't strike me blind now! This is so hot, folks!"

Time seemed to pass so slowly and I was amazed that I was able to take so much sensory information in – like the fact that John tasted so clean – part mouthwash, part gum and somehow part himself. I swirled my tongue around my son's mouth, just enjoying how he tasted and enjoying the playful pursuit of his own tongue. I shivered as I felt his right hand on the back of my neck, fingers intertwined in my shaggy hair. I imagined I could feel his pulse through his lips, his heart racing to keep time with my own rapidly beating heart.

Dirty Dave: "We're coming up on thirty seconds and I don't know about you, Chimp, but I'm getting excited!"

The Chimp: "My tongue is hard, dude...among other things!"

John and I both took a half step off our stools and pressed against each other more firmly, my heavy breasts flattening against his strong chest as our tongues curled around each other. I opened my eyes and looked into my son's eyes which were wide open and filled with love and amazement.

The Chimp: "Approaching forty five seconds, folks. I think this Mom and Son are having a blast!"

Dirty Davy: "Yes they are! But I'm not sure about John's girlfriend here. Kelly, hon, what's wrong? You look like you've been sucking on lemons!"

A perverse thrill went through me and as much as I was enjoying my son's naughty kiss, it was all the sweeter knowing that it was pissing off his girlfriend. I sighed happily, my breath whistling through my nostrils as with time running out, both John and I seemed to be increasing the intensity of our kiss, tongues pressing and roiling into each other.

The Chimp: "Almost there...almost there. Five...four...three...two...that's it! Mom and Son frenching for a whole minute! Um, plus five seconds...um, coming up on plus ten seconds. Um, Dirty Davy, where's the fire extinguisher – we may have to hose them down!"