The Jocasta Society: Initiation

This is a continuation of my previous story "The Jocasta Society". If you haven't read it, it would benefit you to read that story first.

Like my other story, this is a slow burner. Yes there is some sex, but my emphasis is on the development of why and how the main characters came to the situation they are in, and what they'll do about it. Thanks in advance.

NOTE: On the first posting I uploaded the wrong version that had 'italic' mistakes, throughout. I thought I had proofread better. I apologize for this error.

In front of Madeline I confessed what transpired with Seth and me, interwoven with moments of giddiness from describing the pleasure he'd given me, and moments of tears from the doubt and guilt I felt. What had I done to Seth? Whatever made me think this was right? What would happen now? Have I traumatized him for life? Then the tears would subside as the thoughts of how he made me feel loved and attractive once again, something I hadn't felt in years. Thoughts of what he did to me sexually. How erotic it all was. Thoughts of what it was doing to me mentally. Then the tears would come again.

"Sara, it's normal to have the up and down emotions, but you haven't done anything wrong. I know you think you've broken some law of nature, but you haven't. What you two experienced was the most beautiful thing. It feels wrong because society has made it feel so wrong."

"I just can't get it. No matter what I think is good about it all, no matter how good and right it felt, the thought of it being the worst thing I could ever do, that I could ever do to Seth, keeps blocking everything else."

"But, Sara, Seth wanted it first. How could it be wrong, if Seth wanted it too? You did not force the feelings he had for you on to him."

"Didn't I? He's just a kid! My kid! I should protect him, not use him for my own demented desires!"

Maddy came and sat in front of me at my feet, holding my hands. "Sara, let me have you talk to some women from the Society. They're the elders of our Region. One of them is a psychologist. She can explain it much better than I can." I nodded my head to agree to her offer. What could it hurt? I stood and gave Maddy a hug as she told me she would contact me as soon as she heard when the women could meet with me.

The walk back to the cabin, a mere five minute stride, seemed to take an hour as my thoughts bounced around the inside my head like a little ball on a roulette wheel. The panicky feeling I felt when I left Maddy's resided as I walked until I opened the door to the cabin and saw Seth. The overwhelming doom I felt earlier returned.

"Hey." I said.

"Hey. Everything alright?"

"Yeah. I just went down to Maddy's."

"And?"

"I just... I was just talking to her..." He knew what we talked about. What else could it have been?

"What did she have to say?"

"She was happy. Happy... for us."

"Good. Good." Seth's voice tapered off in resignation.

"Seth. Are we OK?"

"Yeah. Yeah we are fine. We are great." He walked over and placed his hands on my upper arms. "I love you."

"I love you too, honey. I just don't think we... should have done it."

"Why? Why? It was amazing! It was wonderful! Was it something I did? Did I do something wrong? If it's about what I did to your backside with my mouth-"

"No! No baby." I cut him off trying to assure him, finding that what he thought was the problem to be sweet. "No, it's not that. THAT was amazing."

"Then what is it?"

"Seth... you KNOW what the problem is. You know."

There was a long pause. Seth moved away from me, trying to hide his expression. He then turned back to me, frustration in his voice.

"I don't care. I don't. I don't give a fuck what the world thinks. The world is fucked up as it is. All I know is I've had these feelings for so long. I've never wanted anyone as much as you."

"Baby... baby I know but... you know as well as I do, what we did was wrong. It was wrong by all accounts. It's not natural, not to mention illegal. We could go to prison for what we did."

"Mom that's where the Society comes in-"

"Fuck that Society! I keep hearing from you and Maddy how this Society is going to be the savior of us all. How the fuck is this Society going to help us? It seems all it has done is wrapped us up in this perverted-"Seth held his hand up to stop my rant.

"If it was so perverted, so wrong, then why, WHY did you do it? You came to ME last night. You know you wanted to do it. You wanted it like me! Tell me you didn't want it. One minute it's all you want and the next we're the greatest abomination to mankind! Which is it?! Look me in the face and tell me you don't want me!" I began to tear up again. I tried to speak but all I could do was choke on my words.

"I can't. I can't baby." I leaned my head into Seth's chest as he wrapped his arms around me. "I do want you. I do. I'm just not supposed to want you like that." Seth cradled my head tight against his chest as I sobbed loudly. He rocked me softly, patting back.

"It's OK. It's all OK." Seth attempted to soothe me as best he could. He led me to the bedroom, where I at first assumed his intent was to initiate sex, but he told me to lie down on the bed and close my eyes. He covered me with a blanket and said for me to get some rest.

About an hour later I was awakened by the sound of Seth in the kitchen. I got out of bed and found he'd prepared lunch. He wasn't much of a cook, but was able to muster up a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches and bowls of tomato soup. I rubbed my face to assist in waking me up and sat down at the table as he poured a couple of glasses of milk.

"You know I'm no gourmet. Best I could come up with." I smiled as he sat down across from me at the small table. I picked up one of the sandwich halves and it reminded me that Seth's father, Stephen, loved grill cheese and this in turn made me question where he fit in this conundrum. I knew if he found out he would kill me. He'd bring the wrath of Hell down upon me, not to mention how he'd ostracize Seth for the rest of his life. I could only imagine his reaction, which no matter how brutal, would be justified.

"Something we haven't brought up this whole time, even from the first time it was mentioned, is your father."

"I've wondered about it. You know, it's no secret you two aren't close anymore." I hated that Seth was aware of how his father and I were distant, but how could he not know?

"That's beside the point, Seth. Can you even begin to imagine what he'll do when he finds out?"

"He can never find out, mom." That was obvious, but I knew Seth wasn't considering the magnitude of this situation. "Will you divorce him?"

"What? No! I'm not going to divorce him." I covered my forehead with the palm of my hand. "I don't know. I just don't fucking know."

"How will we... I mean... will we just try to keep it a secret?"

"Seth... you're assuming this is going to continue, and-." With that Seth slammed his spoon down against the table top and stood up. My response was to shudder, as this was not usual for Seth.

"Dammit! Are we or aren't we? One minute you want to and the next you're crying that it's some horrible thing!" He ran his hands through his hair as he turned toward the sink. "FUCK! JUST FUCK IT ALL!!!"

And with that he stomped off to his bedroom, slamming the door.

I sat there, staring into space. Again my eyes teared up. He was right. Last night I was all over him. Yes, I was hesitant at first, but once we started, I couldn't get enough. I wanted all of him I could get. It was the most aroused I'd been in years, possibly ever. Lying in bed afterwards I felt so serene. I wanted to lie next to him forever. I got up with a smile, and couldn't wait to tell Maddy. But once I heard myself saying the things he and I had done, it stirred up all the doubts and concerns I had been previously feeling and began to overcome me like a tidal wave. He had a point: were we or weren't we? Was I in or out? Did I leap without thinking, or did I finally just succumb to the inevitable? I had to make a decision, and live with it.

I had moved to my bedroom, which had huge windows on three sides that overlooked the woods, and sat in chair, weighing everything. The snow started to fall again in small white specks that slowly floated down to the ground. I became almost hypnotized watching it when my cell phone rang. It was Maddy.

"Hey Maddy."

"Sara, can you come over about four this afternoon? I've got some people I want you to meet." I agreed to the meeting, and went back to watching the snow, until I fell asleep again in the chair.

By the time I woke and headed to Maddy's for the meeting, the snow had begun to fall more in larger flakes. The sound of the snow hitting the fallen dried leaves and the light breeze moaning through the limb branches was soothing. I wanted to just stop and listen, taking all my worries far away.

There were two cars I had not seen before at Maddy's, and I assumed it was the women she mentioned. As I stepped up to the porch, Maddy opened the door and greeted me.

"Come in, sister, before you freeze to death." I stamped the snow from my rubber boots, which I slipped out of and left beside the door inside the house. As I looked up, three women stood from sitting and turned to me, all smiling. "Ladies, this is Sara that I was telling you about."

The women all said hello and that it was nice to meet me. Maddy introduced the first woman as Constance, and her title was Regional Materfamilias, which I suppose would have put her above Maddy in the line of succession of this Society thing. She looked to be in her late fifties, was slightly plump with grayish hair, and looked as though she might have been quite attractive in her earlier years. Maddy introduced the next woman as Dr. Gwendolyn Katner, a slim, quite attractive brunette in her mid to late forties. Maddy mentioned she was the psychologist she spoke of before. The last woman, looking to be in her mid to late thirties, was introduced as Grace. She was pretty in a plain way, wearing hardly any make-up with her straight, brown hair fixed into a pony tail below her neck. Constance gestured to the place next to her on the sofa. "Please, Sara. Sit by me if you would."

"So, Sara, Maddy tells us you're at the starting point. How are you feeling about it?" Constance didn't mince any words, jumping right into the subject.

"Well, I... I'm not sure. It's all so..." I paused, closing my eyes trying to think of what to say. Was there any reason for me to mince words? I decided to just say what I felt and get to the point. "I feel like... I've done something horribly wrong. Like I've committed one of the greatest sins." I started choking up.

"It's alright, Sara, take your time." Constance placed her hand on my knee in a comforting manner. "We're not here to judge you, but to support and guide you. We've all been in the same exact spot you are now, and felt the same feelings."

"Then you know that... you know how confused I am. One second I'm torn to bits inside, and the next all I can think about is my son in ways I shouldn't. About how much I want him and... it's so hard to say in front of you all... how much I want to be with him in... that way."

"Sara," Constance spoke, "for thousands of years women have been placed in a position where we have had someone else telling us how our love and sexuality should be received and given. We've had to accept what cards we were dealt. We've been married off at young ages, expected to be submissive, and turned a blind eye when our husbands cheated on us when we grew old and fat. And all that time, we've been expected to stay faithful and take what conditional love and affection we can get. And the whole time, the one person that loves us unconditionally is right under our nose. They love us, trust us, and come a certain point in their life, desire us."

"But who says that's right? It's like altering the path of how things are supposed to be naturally." I started my debate, knowing full well that I was about to lose the argument with three women taking the other side. The psychologist set her coffee cup on the table between us, and spoke.

"Maddy, do you have a place Sara and I can talk alone?" Maddy stood up and pointed to the hallway and said "Certainly. Come this way."

The doctor, Gwendolyn, stood up and reached out for my hand. "Sara, let's go back and talk alone." I stood up and took her hand. We followed Maddy down the hallway to a room that was Maddy's bedroom. We sat in chairs near the window, while Maddy close the door as she left.

"Sara, we're not here to make you do anything you feel you cannot do. We're not here to brainwash you or convince you to our way. Tell me about your journey to this point."

I started with how the day I saw the Jocasta book on Maddy's table and how she brought up the Society. How she told me about her and Martin and that Seth wanted to have sex with me. I told her I felt revolted about it all, the thought of having sex with my son being the most sickening thing I'd ever imagined. I told her about confronting Seth, our fight, and how he distanced himself from me.

"Had you ever, before this all was brought up, had any sexual thoughts, even mildly, about Seth?" I stared off to the side of her. I realized then that, there were times I did; times that I chose to lock away and deny ever happened. They were quick thoughts that I brushed under the rug and would not confess, even to myself.

"Yes." I paused, astonished by my admission. "Yes, I have."

"Would you tell me about them?"

I began gradually telling Gwendolyn about the time that I asked Seth to rub suntan lotion on my back. He began rubbing it on my shoulders, then down my legs. He eventually got braver and before it was over he was rubbing the lotion all over my body, front and back. I wanted to be touched; his hands felt so good on my body. I didn't stop him when his hands neared my cleavage, or when he slid his hands up my thighs to my crotch. I told her his hands bumped my mound several times, and when they did I placed my feet on the ground on each side of the lounger, spreading my thighs apart to give him more access. His hands slid along the top of my bikini bottom waist line, and I hoped his hand would slip under the material and down to my vagina. I told her I didn't know what might have happened if his father had not driven up and heard the car door shut.

"So it excited you?"

"Yes. I ashamed to say it, but yes. When I got inside to the bedroom my crotch was drenched. I was wetter than I had been in years." I told her about other times, about the night a few months ago when he came out of his bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist. "And once..."

"Yes? Don't feel embarrassed, Sara."

"I guess he thought he had the house to himself. My feet were killing me and I had my shoes off, so I guess he couldn't hear me walking down the hallway. His door was halfway opened. I heard him breathing hard so I crept up to his doorway. I knew what he was probably doing. I should have turned and went back to the kitchen and made some kind of noise to warn him I was in the house. But I didn't. I was curious. I leaned into the doorway and he was on his bed..." I paused and barely shook my head. I shouldn't have looked, but I did.

"He was on the bed, completely nude. He was masturbating. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was muscular now that he was older, and his... his penis was so hard. When he ejaculated... I thought I was going to have an orgasm."

"Did you confront him?"

"Oh god no! No. I turned and went back down the hallway as quiet as I could."

"Did you fantasize about that time, or any other times, later on?"

"Yes. I used to imagine I was there, stroking him with my hand. Then I started imagining going down on him, and me sitting at the base of the bed with my face down to his cock as he came. Every drop shooting into my mouth." I stopped and looked at Gwendolyn. She didn't say a word. She knew I had come to the realization that this really all started with

me

.

"Oh my... I've

wanted

this. I've wanted this all this time. Before Maddy, or the Jocastas, or even finding out Seth wanted me. It started much earlier. Even before it was brought up,

I was attracted to Seth."

"Sara, this is something inside you wanting to come out, not something outside trying to convince you or change you. If Maddy or Seth had never brought this up, you'd go on with your life having this innate desire for Seth, and it would never be fulfilled, and you'd hurt and never feel what you needed."

It hit me like a bullet between the eyes. She was right. All this time, it was me denying my feelings. It wasn't me trying to defend myself against the horde of taboo thoughts and desires that Seth or Maddy or the Jocastas represented. It was me denying my true feelings. But there was no relief in this epiphany. Now I was taking on the full brunt of the guilt. Before I was an innocent bystander allowing evil to happen. Now I was the cause it.

"Doctor... what do I do? I'm so lost." I covered my face with my hands as I began to cry.

"If you had to choose, right now at this moment, on being with Seth or stopping it all, knowing you could possibly find a new relationship with someone else in time, what would you choose?"

I sat there, hands still on my face, trying to gather my thoughts on the choice. I sobbed more and more. I was so tired of crying. I felt as if my head was about to explode, but deep in my heart I knew the answer. I dropped my hands to my lap, and looked at Gwendolyn.

"I choose Seth. I choose... Seth." Gwendolyn leaned over and clasped my hands in hers. Her smile was little comfort, but I felt as if I wasn't being judged by her for my choice.

"There you have it, Sara. Now, let's go back and allow us to tell what the Society can offer you." She stood up and helped me to my feet, and we left to join the others. As we entered the room Maddy and the others turned and smiled. No words were said as we sat back down, me next to Constance.

"Ladies," Gwendolyn addressed the others. "Sara has realized where her heart lies. Now she needs to know how we can help her."

The women spent the next two hours telling about the Jocasta Society. It was a secret group, to say the least, and had been formed approximately 400 years ago. It slowly had gained some power with the admittance of women who held high positions in the communities and government. Power that allowed them the ability to come to the aid of any member that was being harassed or prosecuted in case their secret was discovered. Any situation, such as a pregnancy, can be handled by the Society. If any emotional support is needed, they offered it quickly.

"If anyone confronts you, anyone, you contact a Society officer. It

will

be taken care of." Constance went over all the details with great confidence. "If arrested, say nothing, and contact us. You will be out and the situation ended within twelve hours. Promise. No member will be left to drown. You are a sister. Your son is our family. We will protect you. You will never be alone."

"How does this all work? Do I get a membership card or window sticker to put on my car?" I laughed timidly, trying to come to grips with all of it. The others laughed, which made me feel less edgy.

"No dear. No cards or stickers. There are some rules along the way. Small things that you'll find to be nothing dreadful. But there are two items to be addressed. One: You must never talk about this to anyone outside the Society. If you're not sure they are part of the Society, you do not talk about it. Let me put this into perspective for you: we are as secretive as The Illuminati, and damn near as powerful." This shocked me. I never imagine the Society being so powerful.