"Ok..." Mom paused and drew an extended breath. "I'm not going to sugarcoat this. You're both adults now and you also know my feelings toward the man," she continued, addressing me and my sister Thea as we sat in the family living room, summoned there out of the blue on a Wednesday night. "Your father's dead," she flatly revealed, and I wasn't surprised at how little emotion I felt at the news.
"You're sure?" I stated after a moment's silence.
"Well, a lawyer called me earlier today to inform me. God knows how he got my number. I didn't think to ask," Mom confirmed.
"So... how?" I inquired. Not out of any genuine interest, merely to further confirm the fact.
"Natural causes," Mom matter-of-factly replied. "Wrapped his car around a tree."
"That's not very 'natural'," I smirked.
"You remember the man, Jude, he was a drunk. And had repeated DUIs. I'm surprised he didn't do it earlier. I'm just relieved he didn't take anyone out with him."
"So... if that's it?" I stood, preparing to get a move on. "Cause I'm starving. I came here straight from work."
"Are you guys serious?" Thea herself rose from her seat. "Dad's dead and you're making jokes!"
"Oh, Honey we..." Mom began.
"Thea," I interrupted her. "He was an asshole. He's dead. So what?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Finally, he can't hurt anyone else."
"But he was still our father!" she rebutted.
"That's true," Mom relented. "And that's actually what the lawyer was calling about," she added, and I turned my attention back to her. "He died intestate."
"Well of course," Thea stated. "He was living in Arizona or somewhere, wasn't he?"
I couldn't help but laugh. "No, 'intestate' Thea. Not interstate!"
"Uh huh," Mom nodded. "He didn't leave a will. Which means, it'll all go to you two. Whatever assets he had anyway. I know there's a house."
I was amazed he had that. He'd never held down a real job for long as far as I'd ever known, apparently making his money from gambling and petty crimes. I doubted the sale of whatever house he had would cover the probate legal fees.
"Great, well, when they sell it, I'll donate my half to charity. I don't want anything from him," I declared, and the statement brought half a smile to Mom's lips.
"Well, when's the funeral? I'd at least like to pay my respects," my little sister stated, and I scoffed at the suggestion.
"Your 'respects'?" I questioned. "Thea. The guy was a scumbag. I know you don't remember, but what he did to Mo..." I began but the woman herself cut me off.
"Oh Baby, there wasn't one. I don't even know if he had friends for a wake," Mom tried her best to console my sister. "You two might be able to find out when you go there," she added, and I bristled at the suggestion.
"Wait, what?" I questioned.
"To Arizona," Mom explained. "You'll need to settle things with the estate; clear out the house of his personal items."
"Seriously? Mom. Can't the lawyers take care of all that?" I proposed.
"Well, they could," and here she paused. "...but you know the things he took from me; from us," she added, and I was well aware of what she spoke. Dad had been a drunk, yes. He'd also been abusive, cruel, and vindictive. When we were finally rid of him, with the help of the police and courts, he'd taken just about everything from Mom including items significant to her; family photos, heirlooms, all of little value but sentimental. I knew Mom wouldn't set foot in his house to collect them, even with his passing, which left the job to Thea and me. "I'd really appreciate it if you could at least see if he kept them," she asked.
"We'll go!" Thea surprisingly declared. "We could go this weekend. How far is Phoenix from here?"
"About 7 hours driving," I estimated. "I'd rather fly," I posited, and it was then Thea's turn to bristle, not unexpected knowing her fear of flying.
"I say we drive," she stated adamantly. "We can share the load. It'll be an adventure," she enthused. "We haven't been on a road trip in years."
"I'll give you money for gas," Mom offered. "Expenses," she added, and I looked from her to Thea.
"You good to do this?" I questioned and couldn't help but smile at her excitement despite the nature of our journey.
"I'd leave today if we could," she enthused.
*
We didn't. I picked her up from Mom's after leaving work early Friday afternoon and I'd planned to do the bulk of (if not all) the driving that night. By five and the sun still high in the sky we were skirting the Joshua Tree National Park when Thea, her feet up on the dash and revealing an uncomfortable amount of thigh in my peripheral vision, called for us to rest a while, a roadside lookout catching her eye. The park brought up mixed feelings in me but after two hours at the wheel agreeing a pause would probably do us good.
"This is fucking beautiful," Thea remarked as we looked out over the desert. An expanse of Yucca and granite boulders stretched away in every direction as far as the eye could see. "It's so quiet," she added. "We could be the only people on Earth right now."
I agreed, looking each way along the highway at not another car in sight, back to her, her arms resting on a wooden guard rail. The dress she hardly wore was backless, more an apron, and the way she stood displayed an ample amount of side boob, my eyes attempting to divert from the awkwardly attractive vision.
"Photo op," Thea broke the silence, climbing up on a boulder, and I drew my phone out to capture the moment, Thea going through her series of poses we in the family knew all too well. "Come on. Selfie time big brother," she held a hand down to drag me up beside her and I turned the phone on us, getting a large amount of the scenery in the background. I looked at the photo and was greeted with me with eyes closed and Thea poking her tongue out provocatively and I suggested we do another we could 'actually' send to Mom.
"This is where it happened," I stated after jumping back down from the rock, looking up to watch a hawk or falcon circling high in the clear sky overhead. "Where we ran," I added, and Thea gave me her full attention.
"What do you mean?"
I picked up a small pebble and tossed it in my hand before throwing it out to join the rocky landscape.
"You were probably too young to remember much," I began. "I know I was ten, so that'd make you about four at the time."
"What are you talking about?" Thea inquired, furrowing her brow.
"When Mom left Dad," I explained. "We were staying here," I waved my hand at the desert. "Some motel or B&B or something. I don't remember where. It was out of the way though. I remember that! They'd been fighting for days, Mom and Dad. Well, Dad mostly. Which is why I thought it was weird we were going away that weekend. Mom told me a few years back she was pretty sure he was fixing to kill us."
I let the weight of my words settle on Thea and could see her demeanor change from carefree to contemplative.
"Yeah, Thea," I continued, nodding, seeing she was processing the thought. "He wasn't a good guy."
"So Mom says," she interjected.
"No. So I say!" I challenged. "That last night was bad. I mean real bad. I got between them to stop him hitt..." I paused. "...just know it was bad. It was when he threatened you and me that Mom made the decision to go."
Thea climbed down from the rock and stood not two feet from me.
"She waited for him to go into the bathroom, and we left. Just took our bags and walked off down the road until we reached the highway. I doubt she'd thought it through much, but the first truck that came by she flagged down and we hitched a ride back to L.A."
"I don't remember any of that," Thea softly responded.
"You were only little. I remember you crying when we left. Dad yelled from the bathroom for you to shut up and Mom froze thinking he'd come out and see us packing. I'd never seen her so scared in those last few moments."
"And that was the last time we saw him?" She asked.
"Up close," I nodded. "For a while, he'd park in the street outside Aunt Sadie's when he found out we were living there."
"Do you think he would really have...?" She failed to finish the sentence, but I knew what she was asking.
"Cops thought so. They knew more about him than we did, it turned out. Said we were right to have run when we did. All he'd done, it's crazy he wasn't behind bars."
"But Mom stayed with him, all those years," Thea still retained some hope he wasn't the monster I knew.
"Don't blame her," I refuted. "Fear'll make you do some crazy things. Up until that night... here, she probably thought it was safer to be with him than leave. You don't want to hear this..." I paused. "But I'm glad he's dead."
*
It was on my third yawn that I realized we wouldn't make it to Phoenix that night.
"I could drive," Thea proposed when I'd awoken her from sleep.