My wife and I both travel quite often for work. We had the misfortune last December to both be gone when our heating gave out. We live in the northeast in an older house, so you can imagine what happened. Burst pipes. My wife returned from her trip to a mess. Thankfully the damage could have been worse. But until the repairs were made, we simply didn't want to be in the house. My wife's mother offered for us to stay with her, and we really didn't have any other option.
My wife does not get along well at all with her mother, mostly because they are so similar. Blunt, without that internal sensor to detect when they're being offensive, neither seems able to go more than a few hours without saying something to tick off the other. Thankfully, my wife was outward bound on another trip almost immediately after arriving. I, on the other hand, would have to spend a few days with her.
But I didn't really mind, so long as the two weren't in the same room. I'd had long enough to get used to my mother-in-law. She was an odd combination of things: she was very religiously upright, but she was also a nurse. Which meant she was an odd combination of prude and crude. She had no problem talking about sex, for instance, in ways which made everyone uncomfortable. She was very practical and clinical, and straight to the point. Over the five years I'd been married to her daughter, she seemed to have mellowed slightly, and maybe learned some tact. Maybe. A little.
In any case, I was staying in her guest bedroom for at least four days. I'd just returned from a particularly long and frustrating day at work. Being gone from the office so often meant that co-workers often "borrowed" things from my office. Like my chair. My very comfortable, ergonomic, expensive office chair. And, of course, no one wanted to admit to taking it. So I was forced to sit at my computer all day in a piece-of-crap, $20, no-padding office chair. Combined with having spent hours in a plane the previous day, my back was killing me.
It must have been obvious, because when I arrived at my mother-in-law's house, she immediately started giving me advice on how to help my back. She offered me prescription-strength Tylenol, which I refused. She even offered me something a little more powerful (like so many nurses, she's comfortable handing out prescription medication like it's candy). But I really just needed to sit down. So I did. But she wouldn't let up.
"Why not soak in the hot tub?" she offered.
"Well, it's about freezing outside, for one," I answered.
She scoffed. "That doesn't matter. The water is hot. It'll feel good. I'm sure you'll feel better after some time in the hot tub. Actually, it sounds like a good idea. I might even go out myself."
"Second," I continued, "when I packed for this trip, I didn't think to include a bathing suit."
"Oh, just go in naked," she said. I laughed, knowing that she was probably not joking but treating it as such anyway. "What, are you too embarrassed to go out naked? No one can see. It's all trees. There isn't another house for a half mile."
That was true. Angela's house was up on a hill surrounded by trees in a thinly-developed area. And I had to admit that the hot tub sounded like a good idea.
"You said you want to go, so go ahead. Maybe I'll go out later," I answered, and settled down in the chair.
"You're being silly," she answered. "We can go out together. And if you're embarrassed about going out naked, I'll close my eyes. Or, if it will make you feel better, I'll go out naked too."
I laughed again. Angela was in her late 40s, and by no means unattractive. She'd managed to keep in shape as best as someone could who wasn't actively maintaining themselves. She could still wear a bathing suit without being embarrassed. But there was something just plain odd about being naked with her in a hot tub. I figured I'd end up spending a lot of time in therapy, or something.
But my back was really hurting at this point. And more work tomorrow suggested that I ought to do something about it.
"Ok, ok," I relented. "We'll go out. You, just wear a bathing suit, and make sure you close your eyes when I get in, ok?"
