When she was a little child Roberta once asked her father, "Why does mummy go away so much?"
She was sitting on his lap and he was stroking her hair. It had been a few days before that Ishtar had gone off on another of what she called "Tours."
"It's mummy's work, darling. Opera singers, if they have really good voices and are beautiful like mummy are asked to go and sing all over the world."
"Mummy is very beautiful, isn't she daddy?"
"Yes, my love, very beautiful," he said with a sigh.
Robert, after whom Roberta was named, was manager of the State Symphony Orchestra. He and Ishtar had met when she had come to sing at a series of concerts given by the orchestra.
I don't think it is an exaggeration to say that Ishtar and Robert can be classified as two of the beautiful people. They were totally infatuated with each other and they had made love late one night on the divan in Ishtar's dressing room. That one impassioned act had born fruit, and Ishtar was pregnant with Roberta.
They married accompanied by the shouts of the media, not so much because of Robert, but Ishtar the famous opera singer.
Ishtar's career came to a halt and at first she had cherished her marriage and then her child above all else, but it didn't last. The siren voice of fame called her, and she resumed her career.
Ishtar would often be away for months leaving Robert to care for their daughter. Even when she was with them she seemed to be somewhere else in her mind and always in the process of preparing for the next tour.
Sometimes Ishtar would come home in order to sing at the State Cultural Centre and Roberta and her father would sit in the audience hearing and watching her.
One scene from an opera came to lodge in Roberta's mind. Mummy didn't sing in the scene, she danced, and was dressed in long flowing things. She was dancing for a king who said he would give her anything she desired if she would dance for him.
At first the music was wild and abandoned, and then it became shrill and pleading and other times it was deep and threatening.
Mostly the music was slow and voluptuous and Roberta felt little shivers of delicious pleasure ripple down her spine.
Mummy dropped the flowing things one by. They floated down to the floor slowly until at last there was only one left. The music became wild again, and then right at the end mummy dropped the last flowing thing, and she was naked.
A gasp went up from the audience as they saw mummy's beauty; her tall, slender body arched; her long blonde hair flowing down her back. Although Roberta could not have understood it, what she was seeing was that wonderful blending of the body of a young girl with that of a mature woman.
The lovely classical features of her face, the swanlike neck and soft rounded shoulders. Breasts thrust upward, and sitting in the front row Roberta could see distinctly the long pink nipples. Ishtar's slender torso flowed down to gently swelling hips and at the top of her thighs could be seen faintly the vee of blonde pubic hair and the firm cleft of her vulva; and then the long slender legs with firm thighs.
Again Roberta would not have known or understood, but the men in the audience felt a throbbing in their groins and the women suffered pangs of envy. Her own father had an erection at the sight of the stunning woman he still loved fervently.
There was a shocked pause and then the orchestra started to play and the king sang, but a storm of applause broke out from the audience and the orchestra and singer had to stop. The noise went on for a long time but mummy didn't move until the orchestra started again.
The other thing Roberta remembered about that night was that at the end of the opera, mummy was crushed to death under the shields of the king's soldiers because the king said she was bad.
Then all the people who had been in the opera came onto the stage but mummy came on last and the clapping and cheers were deafening and went on and on.
Mummy bowed and bowed until at last, the applause still going on, she left the stage and did not come back.
Roberta wanted to go and see mummy, but daddy said mummy would be tired and there would be lots of people who would want to see and talk with her. "Beside, my darling," he said, "It's long past your bedtime. You'll see mummy in the morning."
She leaned against daddy in the car going home wishing she could see mummy that night so that she could tell her how wonderful her dance had been and how beautiful she looked. That night in bed the vision of that dance stayed with her into her dreams, and the music throbbed and pulsated.
Roberta and her father were up early, but it was a long time before Ishtar appeared. She was dressed in a long loose fitting garment that you could almost see through and Roberta ran to her and put her arms round her – well round Ishtar's legs actually – and said, "Mummy, I loved your dance and you looked so lovely when you undressed."
"I'm glad you liked it darling, but mummy's got to have breakfast now." She disentangled herself from Roberta's embrace and went on into the dining room.
It was always like that and it puzzled Roberta. Daddy was always close, ready to listen to her and hug her. Mummy, even though she was there, seemed a long way off. She sometimes said nice things to Roberta, but it was always in such a way as to make it sound as if she wanted to get rid of her.
Once Roberta had picked her some wild flowers and when she gave them to mummy, mummy said, "Thank you darling, that's lovely, now run along."
Mummy, if she wasn't away on one of her tours, always seemed busy and never had any time. Daddy went away too when the orchestra went on tour, but not as often as mummy. When daddy was at work or away granny came to look after her. She was daddy's mummy and Roberta loved her almost as much as daddy and... She wasn't quite able to finish the thought.
When daddy was home, even if he was busy, he always had time for Roberta. When he called her, "Darling," "My little love," and things like that it felt warm and nice. When mummy said those things it sounded as if she was just saying words.
Before she started school daddy would sometimes take her on tour with him and they would stay in large hotel or motel rooms and the members of the orchestra would make a fuss of her. After she started school she only went away with daddy if she was on holiday, so granny had to come and stay a lot more.
Sometimes, not very often, mummy would be home when daddy was away. When this happened the house seemed to change. Lots of people came to visit – some of them strange looking people who talked in loud voices saying things like; "And I said to him darling...I said...you were wonderful tonight, and do you know what he said...you're not going to believe this darlings...it's just so utterly wonderful...He said, 'Raymond, I couldn't have done it without you; knowing you were in the third row of the chorus gave me inspiration'."
Another voice said, "Darling, you must have cheered him up because I saw him after you'd spoken to him, and he was laughing."
These people were not like the orchestra people. They either took no notice of Roberta or still talking in loud voices said things like, "Oh, darling, she's too, too sweet"; "Oh isn't she a precious little thing," and then turned away from her.
Mummy would usually say to her in a sweet voice, "Darling, mummy's very busy, do go away and play."
As she grew older Roberta began to understand some of the finer nuances of life in their house. Sometimes she would come upon daddy sitting, staring into space with a very sad look in his eyes. She would go to him and touch his face and ask, "Are you sad, daddy? Is it because mummy isn't here?"
He would smile at her but avoid her question and say things like, "Why should I be sad when I have my little love with me?" Then he would hold her as if he would never let go of her, and she would kiss him and say, "I love you daddy."
Daddy would say, "And I love you my sweet," but the sad look didn't go away.
Then Roberta might ask, "Daddy, doesn't mummy love us any more?"
Daddy would say, "It isn't that darling, it just that her life is so busy and..." His voice would fade away and he would look even sadder.
As Roberta entered her teenage years she began to appreciate some of the finer points of adult relationships. Her mother was away now nearly all the time and it was when she was about fifteen she saw something that, being a knowing young women, she understood the meaning of.
Occasionally her father would come home late at night accompanied by a pretty young woman. Sometimes, but not often, the young woman would still be in the house next morning. It never seemed to be the same young woman, and one or two of them she recognised as female members of the orchestra. Others she thought she had seen working as usherettes at the Cultural Centre, and once, when she went to see a play with her father, she recognised one of the actors as the girl he had brought home two nights before.
Roberta's reaction to these women was both understandable yet nevertheless irrational. She understood all too clearly that her mother had long ceased to be a true wife to her father. How could she be when they now spent most of their lives apart? Her mother was still beautiful even though she was now in her late forties, but it had become a brittle sort of beauty; she reminded Roberta of an old brass vase they had in the house that had to be constantly polished to maintain its lustre.
Having begun to experience her own sexuality, she understood something of the sexual needs of men and women, and that her mother must give nothing of her physical self to her father. Yet her father was still a very handsome man and had a warmth and kindness that her mother seemed to lack. His work brought him into contact with many attractive women, so it was small wonder that he began to fulfill his sexual needs with them.
Yet for all her understanding of the situation the sight of these women her father brought home angered and sickened her. She did not so much blame her father, but the women.
