The woman lay naked in bed with a naked man.
The man breathed the long slow breath of someone who was fast asleep.
She however was wide awake. And her thoughts were racing. She sighed into the semi-darkness, She so hated nights like this when she could not get her mind and thoughts to calm down so she could more easily fall asleep. Such nights always seemed to drag on forever.
In the Christmas lights still blinked in the bedroom window. And would for another couple of weeks. Their families always kept the Christmas Tree, decorations and lights up and on through much of the month of January. Or until the tree dried up.
Her thoughts returned again to who she once was and the memories of her past filled her mind.
She was, she knew, a well decorated and former US Navy fighter pilot and she had accomplished much at the early age of forty-two years. She had graduated from High School with Honors, was accepted and attended Annapolis. While there she learned to fly airplanes. And she graduated in the top percentage of her class.
She then went on to the Navy's Flight School to learn to fly the Navy's latest fighter jets. And she became a trained combat fighter pilot. And through her long years of service, had advanced to the rank of Captain. She had the duties and responsibilities of being in command of a squadron of four fighter crews aboard a nuclear powered aircraft carrier. She had flown hundreds of missions in combat. And once, during a routine flight, flying a routine air cover mission about the fleet, she and her wing man had even been involved in an actual aerial dog fight while protecting the fleet. And she had taken down three out of the four attacking enemy jets while her wing man took out the other. And she had joined the small elite group of female fighter pilots who had actually engaged an enemy aircraft in combat.
But now – this night – she lay naked in bed and was far removed from the Navy. She was cuddled up with her best friend. A man whom she had known all of her life.
Beside her, her life long friend slept on.
But she, unlike him, was finding sleep elusive. She was still wide awake.
And he slept on. And he had been asleep for some time.
This was not her bedroom. At least not the one she had come home to. Or where she grew up in. This was his bedroom, at his house, across town from hers. But – once she had returned home from Florida, she discovered that she was lost without him. He had been with her in Florida for months taking care of her after the accident as she slowly healed. Then – her parents came down and he had returned home.
Then a month later, after the inquiry and the investigation on the accident, she had been cleared of any wrong doing. And commended on her actions. She then had accepted a medical discharge, as she would not be flying again, nor would be allowed to serve aboard any ship again. She would have been a grounded Navy Fighter Pilot stuck flying a desk. After she had accepted her Medical Discharge all she wanted was to return home. To be with him.
Or at least – this time – just closer to him. As she had been when they were growing up. Not deployed half a world away.
Tomorrow, she sighed. Tomorrow was going to come too soon. Then she would be – they would be, she corrected herself, returning to Florida. To visit the Naval Bases' Elementary School. The same school she had steered her falling jet over and away from. Risking her life in doing so – to save those on the ground. To save the children. From a horrible disaster that she could have caused if she had simply ejected and then let her unpowered and unguided jet had then been allowed to just drop from the sky.
Another pilot might have elected to eject, some had in the past, and let their crippled fighter fall to earth to crash into whatever it might hit. Perhaps a home or an office building. An apartment complex. Or as happened recently during a military air show – have a fighter crash into a crowd of spectators. But in her case, it would have been the base's elementary school packed with children attending their morning classes.
She took another deep breath. Steering her thoughts away from the horror she could have caused.
Growing up she, and all the children in her extended family, had been taught that they were responsible for their actions. And she chose not to be responsible for any deaths or injuries even if it meant her own death. It was how she grew up. Accepting responsibility for her actions and the consequences. It was how she lived her life. And if necessary – that would be how she would die.
And she had nearly died when caught by the fire of the burning fuel and the explosion of one the bombs she was carrying after she had ejected at the last moment. But no one else was injured. And that was the one bright spot of her 'event' as the Review Board had called it.
Again she took a deep breath and sighed into the night.
Then the time passed while she slowly recovered from her many injuries. With the man who slept beside her taking care of her, tending to her needs. Then some months later, just before Christmas, she returned home. Medically Discharged, with her planned future in the Navy taken from her.
Her thoughts jumped quickly forward.
Then the following January, just a couple of weeks ago, earlier this month, she had received the letter from the School's Principle. She had been formally invited down to Florida, to allow the children, their parents and teachers the chance to thank her.
She was reluctant at first to go. But Ken, the man sleeping beside her, the one single person she trusted the most and loved dearly, someone she had known forever, had convinced her to go. As he had stated: 'To allow those she had risked everything and sacrificed so much for the chance to say thank you.'
She smirked to herself. Two days later she had received a formal letter of request from the Navy Base's Commander 'To please appear at her convenience.'
She should have been pleased she thought. But she had always been reluctant to accept rewards and commendations when she did not think she deserved them when she was 'just doing her duty.' She had always tried to avoid the spotlight – even when she excelled in what she did. But, as her father had told her, as part of her duty, it was the right thing to do. To allow others, particularity those affected by what she had done. To acknowledge their Heroes and the give them the opportunity to thank them for their duty and actions and sacrifices.
She again sighed tiredly into the night. Watching the changing colors of the Christmas lights on the ceiling.
But her mind would not quiet down. Her racing thoughts would not stop. And her thoughts kept shifting through her memories. Her accomplishments. Her failures. Her desires. And the fears she now had. And of the love and support her family gave her. And of the man – her life long best friend who laid beside her.
She took a deep breath as she looked across the room that was lit by a small night light, for her benefit. And there was the soft glow of the blinking Christmas Lights in the window.
Her thoughts again returned to their circling.
This was not her bedroom. At least not the one she had come home to. This was his bedroom, at his house, across town from hers. But – once she had returned from Florida, she was lost without him. He had been in Florida for months taking care of her after the accident. And she had gotten so use to him always being there. And with him being in the bed with her for it was the only way she felt safe. With him there. Then – her parents came down and he had returned home. And soon her parents had also returned home. And for some time she was alone. Waiting for the Navy to come to their decision about her.
It was, she remembered, a long and lonely time.
The frequent phone calls home to the man now beside her, helped her so much to get through those long empty days. She had nothing to do to fill her time, as she was still on Medical Leave. All she had was her now empty quarters. They had been so empty without him there.
Her squadron Commander even made sure she had a driver and car available to take her wherever she wished to go. And the driver even helped her do her shopping. And even take her to the Officers Mess.
And after the formal inquiry on her accident and the long investigation, she had been cleared and had reluctantly accepted a medical discharge, as she would not be flying again, nor even be allowed to serve aboard any ship again. She was permanently grounded. Then she would have been a permanently – land locked – Sailor.
