Christmas had always been a major tentpole event in my family. The whole season leading up to the holiday was just magical. My dad and mom and two sisters were all in on the holiday festivities. We would all hike out to cut down a fresh tree and spend the whole day decorating it, reminiscing about the family ornaments and stringing the lights. We would drink eggnog, sing Christmas carols, and watch all the holiday classics on TV. And every year on Christmas eve we would huddle around the fireplace under a huge oversized blanket and read the Christmas story and The Night Before Christmas.
Then on Christmas morning it was a continuation of the magic with gifts and songs and laughter. So many happy memories. Even when my parents couldn't afford much in the way of gifts, they always made it a joyful experience. It was about giving and receiving and family togetherness. I have always treasured those precious times together.
When I grew up and created a family of my own, I tried hard to follow my parents example of providing a magical experience for my wife and my kids. But life doesn't always turn out the way you plan. That is why the events of this year came as such a devastating blow. In just twelve short months, my world fell apart.
The first gut punch was a call from my dad telling me that he and my mom were splitting up. I couldn't believe it. Literally. I thought he was joking and it took me a solid ten minutes for him to convince me that he was serious. I mean, they had been happily married for over forty years. I thought they were happy at least. He went on to explain that he had met someone. My mind was numb and I couldn't absorb all the details. The bottom line was, my dad, in his early 60s had started dating a 22 year old. Divorce papers were filed and just like that they split up.
This led to a series of increasingly long and heated arguments among the family. For reasons beyond me, both my sisters sided with my dad. I knew there was no way they actually approved of him banging a girl younger than both of them, it was just that they were always closer to him and always argued with my mom. This in turn drove a wedge between my sisters and I, as I took my mom's side. After months of frustration, anger, and depression the second bomb dropped. My wife announced that she was leaving me. Rock bottom fell away beneath me and my world went dark.
She said that I had become a different person. She said that I was obsessed and angry all the time. I think she also resented the amount of time I was spending with my mom. And now that I think about it, I realized that she had always resented my relationship with my mom. She was never close with her parents and couldn't understand my desire for emotional intimacy with them. It was the last straw. Thankfully, she didn't go as far as asking for a divorce, but she did leave and take our beautiful two year old daughter with her. On December 20th, she asked me to leave, and I was left contemplating a Christmas alone for the first time in my life.
I moved in with my mom, as we were now in remarkably similar circumstances, it seemed the only logical thing to do. But as the next couple days dragged on and Christmas grew closer and closer, the whole day-to-day drudgery became more and more depressing. Neither mom or I felt very festive. We didn't want to decorate or sing songs. Everything about the holiday brought up memories of the lives we had just lost. Even seeing each other moping around the house was difficult to bear. In the end I made a decision.
What we needed...what I needed...was a change of scenery. I went online and booked a small cabin in the mountains, about an hour away from my mom's house. It was a cozy, rustic hunting lodge with real log walls, a stone fireplace and bear skin rug. It has an outdoor jacuzzi and breathtaking view of the landscape. No Christmas carolers, no reminders of the festive time that the rest of the world was celebrating. I paid and then went to tell my mom the news. I had booked the cabin for two weeks. I thought it was be just what the doctor ordered. Two weeks off the grid. Board games and long books. Soaks in the hot tub and long lazy mornings sleeping in. We could reconnect and keep out minds off the rest of the family.
Unfortunately, mom did not feel the same way. She didn't want to leave her house. She didn't want to drive into the mountains. The more I pleaded, the more she dug in. It was like she wanted to experience the sadness and trauma. I told her how unhealthy that was, but there was no getting through to her at that point. In the end, I decided that I would still go. Maybe it was for the best after all. Maybe a couple week of solitude would clear my head. After throwing some essentials in a bag, clothes, toiletries, books, I hopped in my car and drove off. A few miles down the road I had a thought and pulled off the highway into town. After driving around for a few minutes in circles I found what I was looking for, a small adult book store and novelty shop. Looking around suspiciously, I ducked inside. The door chimed and I looked around. The shop smelled strongly of cheap stripper perfume.
Walking through the entranceway, I nodded at an older woman behind the counter. She must have been in her late fifties or early sixties. She had thin, greasy brown hair pulled back in a tight ponytail, but her roots were coming through very gray. She wore a thin, threadbare tank top that showed off way too much of her leathery skin. Her breasts were small, saggy and unsupported by any bra and she had a small beer belly spilling out over her jeans. She was staring at me as I made my way around some racks of porn DVDs and into a section marked "Toys". I tried to look casual, or even bored, as I perused the racks of dildos and vibrators. I finally made my way to the section I was looking for. It front of me were dozens of fake pussies and sleeves for masturbating. There were brightly colored neon sleeves and realistic looking recreations of mouths and throats, assholes, and vaginas. After glancing over them all for a few moments in bewilderment, I settled on a fleshy colored tube about a foot long that had a squishy, semi-realistic approximation of a pussy on one end and a mouth on the other. I grabbed a small squeeze bottle of lube and then turned the corner.
The creepy lady behind the desk was still eyeballing me as I walked into the DVD section and without spending too much time, grabbed 2 or 3 titles. I then hurriedly made my way to the counter to pay. I placed my items down and reached for my wallet, all the while attempting to avoid eye contact. I just wanted to pay, get the hell out of there an up to the cabin as soon as I could. The woman slowly began picking up my items one by one. Not to ring them up. It was as if she was simply admiring them. I risked an impatient look at her face. She was holding the sex toy and licking her lower lip. Then I nearly jumped when she spoke.
"Ahh, this is a nice one sweetie." She said. Her voice was a deep, gravelly rasp that hinted at years of smoking.
"Thanks." I replied sheepishly. I was just hoping to get on with the transaction and out of there.
