For the past 10 years, it's been me and my daughter, Ellie. Her mother left when Ellie was 8 and never looked back, barely sending Ellie a card on her birthday or calling around the holidays.
Ellie and I had always been close. Since the day she was born, I loved her more than anything. In hindsight, my ex had always been jealous of mine and Ellie's bond. My daughter was the best thing in my life and I doted on her.
Growing up, Ellie and I mostly bonded over our shared love of the outdoors. As a teacher, I had summers off and Ellie and I would take off in our RV and go on some big adventure. We would drive down the coast or up into the mountains, going wherever we pleased. Ellie loved the mountains most, and I loved whatever made her happy.
Around the middle of her senior year, and with my encouragement, Ellie applied for several colleges across the US. As much as I didn't want her to move out, she was a brilliant kid and I wanted her to make the most of her life.
She ended up choosing a college a few states away, with a major in ecology. With her love of animals and the great outdoors she said she wanted to be a park ranger and I gave her my full support.
One thing to note about Ellie; she suffered a great amount of social anxiety throughout her childhood, especially after her mother abandoned her. She didn't have many friends and mostly kept to herself, her shyness keeping her from participating in a lot of school activities. When she said she wanted to go to college, I was definitely surprised. But, she had been seeing a therapist and felt like she was in a good headspace to venture away from the only home she'd ever known.
Packing up our RV with all her college belongings a week after graduation, we made our way to her new college town and got her settled into her shared dorm. Her roommate seemed like a good fit: a nerdy tomboy, just like my Ellie.
The first couple of months were hard for us both. Without her here, I realized how sad my personal life truly was. I went out for drinks with fellow teachers a few times a month but other than that, I was pretty much a solo act.
My dating life had been pretty non-existent even before Ellie left. In my loneliness, I signed up for a dating app. The few women I went out with were nice, but I never felt a spark with any of them. Not even the ones that oozed sex and practically begged for me to take them home. They were great for my self esteem but despite my long dormant sex life, I had no desire to sleep with any of them.
My mind was always worrying about Ellie. She called or texted every day, sometimes in tears under her blankets because she couldn't bear to be around yet another stranger. I always soothed her and encouraged her to keep trying, to reach out to her therapist as much as she needed to. When I saw her on winter break, it seemed like her anxiety had settled down and she found a routine and a supportive group of friends. Her panicked calls became less frequent though we still talked every day.
By the next spring, I started to wonder if I needed a therapist too. I barely left the house and spent most of my time either hiking alone or dreaming about retiring early to a remote cabin in the woods.
During one of those frequent daydreams, I came across a cabin for sale in the most perfect location. Crunching the numbers, I worked out that I could afford it with a sizable chunk of my savings and retirement funds. It was only about 4 hours from where I lived so I could spend weekends and holidays there if I decided to continue working.
Unwilling to take the plunge yet, I found myself stalking the real estate listing. By the end of May, it still hadn't sold and had even come down in price. On one particularly taxing day at work, a few days before the end of the school year, I decided to call the listing agent. By the end of the call, I had made arrangements to drive up and view it.
Ellie was planning to come home for the summer and I decided to pick her up and go straight to the cabin as a surprise. By my last day of work, I felt just like one of my giddy, carefree students. Not only was I going to spend the summer on the road with my daughter, my future was brimming with hope and excitement for the first time in a long time.
When I arrived at Ellie's school in our beat up RV, she was waiting on the curb with her bags all around her. Her straight brown hair was longer now, past her shoulders, and she was wearing an oversized tee and baggy jeans. Her 5' 2" frame looked even smaller now and I worried how much her anxiety had affected her.
Behind her thick glasses, I saw her blue eyes light up the minute I came rumbling up to where she stood on the curb.
"Dad!" she yelled, running into my outstretched arms. Picking her up in a bear hug, I could feel how much weight she had lost. Ellie had always been thin and petite, but she felt light as a feather in my arms.
"Hey my girl," I cooed into her ear as she wrapped her skinny legs around me and I hoisted her onto my waist. Since I worked with high school kids, I knew how embarrassed they became by their parents. I was immensely grateful that had never happened to my Ellie.
With a sniffle, she nuzzled into my neck. "I missed you so much dad."
I ran my hands up and down her back, twirling the ends of her hair in my fingers as I hugged her tightly to me.
"I missed you too, baby girl. But, hey, we are together now! And this is going to be our most epic adventure yet."
Releasing her arms from my neck, she leaned back and smiled at me. Quickly, she planted a soft kiss square on my lips then dropped back to the sidewalk and picked up her backpack. As affectionate as Ellie and I have always been, she had never before kissed me on the lips.
"Well, let the adventure begin!" she shouted enthusiastically.
Shaking off her sweet kiss, I grabbed the rest of her bags and tossed them in the back of the RV then we headed out on the road. Ellie slumped in the passenger seat, fast asleep within the first 10 minutes.
At dinner, I told Ellie about the cabin. Pulling out my phone, I showed her the listing.
"Oh my gosh dad, it's perfect! Are you really going to buy it?" Ellie's face lit up as she looked through the photos, the sun from the diner window illuminating the dusting of freckles across her cute little nose and reflecting off her pale pink framed glasses.
If me buying it would keep that smile on her beautiful face for the rest of her life, then there was no choice to be made.
"As long as it's not a decrepit pile of rotten wood, it'll be ours."
Ellie squealed with excitement as she handed me back my phone and snagged a fry off my plate.
"This is going to be the best summer ever."
***
A week later, the cabin was ours. We met the realtor at the cabin on a warm sunny day in early June and as soon as she handed me the keys and drove away, Ellie leapt into my arms.
"I can't believe it, daddy! It's so perfect for us!"
It's true. It was perfect.
The cabin had 1 small bedroom on the first level but enough space for a large bed in the loft, which also had huge windows overlooking the tall trees and creek below. The best thing about it was the location. Two miles from the main road, nestled amidst formidable pines, no neighbors within shouting distance. The nearest town with amenities was about an hour drive.
With my daughter wrapped around my waist, I walked us across the threshold of our new home away from home.
"It's a dream come true, El. No more cramped RV. No more neighbors. And finally you get your own room!" I laughed.
Once again before settling back to the ground, Ellie planted a quick kiss on my lips. Perhaps I imagined it, but it felt like she lingered a second longer than before. The sensation I felt when her lips brushed mine was like nothing I had ever experienced. Maybe it was the thrill of the cabin, or the excitement of having the next 2 months alone with my favorite person in the world, but I felt like the fog I had been in suddenly lifted. All around me was the warmth of Ellie's sun.
"I'm taking the loft! I need to wake up to this view!"
Turning from me, Ellie bounded up the stairs to the loft. When I caught up with her, she was twirling around the empty space with her arms wide open, the sun's rays cutting across her and illuminating the dust in the air.
At that moment, she looked so different, so radiant. Healthier. Happier than I'd ever seen her. And somehow, though she was barely 19, I saw the beautiful woman she would become.
Leaning against the wall, I watched her as she talked about where to put the bed, how to arrange the living room below, whether we should paint the walls, what we needed in the kitchen. Her enthusiasm was intoxicating.
We made dinner on the old camp stove on our new deck overlooking our creek. Afterwards, we spread out our bed rolls side by side in the loft, the same way we always did when we camped in a tent.
