This is a new story about a pair of siblings raising themselves up under the less-than-watchful eye of an uncaring mother. Its initial concept is based on a throwaway line from a story I saw a long, long time ago in a galaxy very, very close to this one. And, no; Star Wars is not otherwise involved.
Jake really hated his little sister right now.
OK, that was unfair. He loved his little sister - usually, but she had that knack younger siblings often have of being a complete pain in the arse. And tonight, she was being a real royal pain.
Jessica - Jessie to her friends and Jess to Jake (and
only
Jake) - had turned eighteen about a month ago now. Jake, her older brother by just over fourteen months, had gone all out and bought her a really nice silver necklace with a rabbit-shaped pendant on it. Jess loved rabbits, though she'd never owned one.
Their mother, Louise, had been almost sober that day and had bought Jessica a white cup with a gold letter J on it. That evening, Louise had filled the cup with some clear (but potently alcoholic) liquid, knocked it back, lost her balance and had a decision to make. She could drop the cup or the bottle. Really, it was no decision at all.
Expertly avoiding any risk of damage to the bottle, Louise twisted around and smacked the cup on the kitchen worktop, snapping the handle off and sending the main part of the cup falling to the ground to shatter like a bomb. "Clean this fucking mess up, one of you," Louise had slurred before stumbling off to bed with the bottle. They hadn't seen her for two days after that.
Jess didn't give a flying fuck about the cup. It was quite childish and the sort of thing you bought for some distant relative when you remembered that their birthday was today and you'd not gotten them anything. But she loved the little necklace.
The necklace was thin, light and the rabbit was also silver, but had black glass eyes that stood out. It had cost Jake too much. Jake had been so happy when he'd given it to her. Jessica's eyes had lit up and she had grinned and squealed and hugged him and made him put it on for her. He had, and it had fitted perfectly and he was reminded just how much he really loved her.
And now the stupid little bitch had fucking lost it! The chain, thin and - apparently - quite fragile, had snapped and, although she'd saved it from falling on the floor and put it in her coat pocket, it was now nowhere to be found.
Jessie was almost in tears. She loved her big brother and the necklace had been so cute and adorable and now it was just...gone. What was worse, Jake was angry with her for losing it and she'd not dared to tell him when (and, more importantly,
how
) the little chain had gotten lost in the first place. If he knew, he might get
really
upset.
"What the fuck, Jess? I mean, really? What the fuck?"
Jess tried not to cry. "I don't know what to say, Jay," she said, hitching for breath. Just like Jake was the only one who could call her Jess, she was the only one who could call him Jay. It was odd that she could shorten a monosyllabic name, but she had and - ever since - it was her pet name for him. It never failed to make him smile.
Until now. Jake was, most definitely, not smiling.
"Do you know what that thing cost me? Do you?" Jess shook her head. "Well it was...never fucking mind how much it was. It was a lot, that's enough."
"I know, Jay," she replied. "And... and I'm really sorry."
"Sorry? Fucking
sorry?
You're not going to get around me with a fucking sorry!"
"I'm not trying to get around you," she said, the tears coming back now. "I'm just saying. I'm really sorry!"
"Where did you lose it?"
"If I knew that it wouldn't be lost," she replied and smiled through the tears. Her heart leapt a little when Jake smiled back for an instant.
"You know what I mean," he said, all business once again.
Jessica didn't answer. This was the third time he'd asked her this - or something similar. She wouldn't tell him. Not now. Not ever. It was far too embarrassing.
"No answer, huh? Well, it's not fucking good enough, Jess. What the fuck happened to it? That's all I want to know. Tell me! I won't get upset; I promise! I'll even stop going on about it." He sighed. "It's a fucking twat you losing the necklace, but shit happens. I get that. I just want to know
why
!"
Jess was still not speaking about this. Her heart almost broke when he gave her a long, sad look and shook his head. "Fuck off then," he swore and stormed off to his room.
On the way, he looked into his mother's room. Louise wasn't there. According to a badly written note on the windowsill, she was "at a meeting" which was Louise-speak for "at the pub getting thoroughly rat-arsed". The note also said that they shouldn't wait up for her, which was Louise-speak for "I'm going to find some guy and go home with him and fuck him and then forget his name. Again."
Jake noticed the pile of dirty, discarded, slightly faded clothes on the floor. It was a common occurrence. He went in and threw them in the hamper about a foot from where the pile had been. He quickly checked the bed and was slightly surprised not to see a new pile of puke to clean up. This was almost a good day.
Somewhat spoiled by the lost necklace and the steadfast refusal of his sister to explain why, of course.
Jake went into his room. He sat in the old, creaking chair and swivelled on it. The chair had been a gift from his mother a few years ago. Before the drinking had gotten too bad. Jake knew why his mother drank; she missed his father who had gotten himself killed in a multi-car pile-up on the motorway back when Jake was just thirteen. It just wasn't an excuse as far as he was concerned.
Now the chair was old and the back leaned over alarmingly if he pushed back on it. It would break soon, he knew, and then he'd have to sit on the floor or his mattress. He, like Jess, no longer owned a bed.
Jake put his head in his hands. What the fuck had happened? OK - the necklace had snapped. It was annoying, but understandable. What wasn't understandable was this uncomfortable, almost defiant silence from his sister. They'd always been able to talk. About anything. The silence on this - what was a relatively minor thing, really - was disquieting. Jake didn't like it.
Back in the main room, Jessica was internalising. She wanted to tell Jake what had happened and yet she really, really didn't.
But she did want to tell him. Didn't she?
Yes.
No. Maybe?
Definitely.
Definitely
not
.
I don't think?
I don't
know
!
This had been going on for some time. What ultimately decided her was the memory of the look of disappointment on Jake's face as he left the room. She could deal with what had happened. (Just.) She was prepared to deal with the shit that would hit the fan when the truth was out. (She hoped.) But she could not deal with that look on her big brother's face.
Decided, she headed to his room before she could convince herself to change her mind again.
Jess knocked on the door. There was no answer. Jake
might
have been asleep - he'd had enough time, especially as he had the uncanny knack of falling asleep in a moment when the opportunity arose, but Jess thought this unlikely. Jake might fall asleep quicker than blinking, but he slept lightly - always listening out for the tell-tale signs of the drunk bitch down the hall throwing up or choking on something she'd not swallowed properly before passing out.
Jess almost -
almost -
wanted her mother to die and put herself out of Jessica's misery. It was a nasty thought, but her mother was a nasty piece of work who got pissed for fun and who then got fucked by guys she knew neither the names nor the descriptions of, before coming home to throw up on the floor (which was tile, so was easy to clean) or the bed (which could be changed) or the sofa (which could only be cleaned as best as possible and then smothered in half a bottle of Febreze).
Then Louise would pass out and she might come around within a day or, then again, she might not. Her record of unconsciousness was around a hundred hours. Jess had truly thought that was it for her mother, but God clearly didn't want Louise back just yet because she'd woken up, found a bottle somewhere, and started the whole, pathetic cycle once again.
Jess knocked again.
After a few more moments of silence, a voice came through the door; "it's open." Jake had a bolt on his door for modesty purposes; it allowed him to do whatever he wanted to do in private. Jessica had one, too, for much the same reason. Louise did not have one. The risk of choking to death whilst her kids were stuck on the other side of the door, unable to get in, was all too real and, even in her booze-filled brain she understood this. Louise might be a piss-head, but she wasn't suicidal. Yet.
Jess took a deep breath and opened the door. She had barely stepped inside when Jake whirled around on his rickety, creaking chair and faced her. "Unless you've come to explain things,
properly
, don't bother coming any closer."
Jess nodded. "I have," she said. "But, I'm warning you, you won't like it."
"Maybe not. As long as it's the truth, though."
"It will be. I promise - if you promise me something."
"What?"
Jess looked, pleadingly, at her big brother. "Promise me you won't hate me. I don't care if you get mad, just...just don't hate me. I couldn't deal with that!"
Jake wondered precisely what the fuck could be so bad that Jess might think he'd hate her. He nodded to her. "I promise," he said.
Jess smiled. "Can I come in, then," she asked. Jake simply nodded in reply.
Jess walked over to the mattress lying on the bare floor. Jake had once had a proper bed, a bit like she had. But it was Louise - of course it had been Louise - who had broken it, stumbling whilst pissed out of her mind one night and crashing into it. One of the legs had buckled and that had been the end of Jake's bed. They didn't have the money for a new one.
Jess sat on the mattress. It was not as soft as hers. Jess had gotten rid of her own bed a few days after they'd thrown Jake's away, a choice she didn't really regret. It had been a nice bed, but Louise being Louise meant that nice things didn't last, so she'd sold it for a small amount of money. Louise had found the money the following day whilst Jessica was at school and had drunk most of it away before Jess had gotten home.
Quelle surprise
as the French might say.
Silence filled the room. Jake knew his sister well enough not to disturb her. She would speak in her own time.
"I... well, I guess I should go back to leaving college early," Jess said.
"Go on."
