The Brewpub

(100% dialog)

"Hey, little bro, do you want a beer?"

"Sure, thanks."

"They're in the fridge. And bring me another while you are at it."

"Okay."

"Hey, wha-cha doin' home so early? I thought you an' Charlene had a big evening planned."

"I don't know... Damn it... It... It's just she's..."

"A bee-ach... Yeah, I know the whole sad tale, little bro..."

"Yeah, well sis... Here you are, on mom's sofa, watching Turner's Movie Classics in the dark on a Saturday night..."

"While drinking a hefeweizen and eating Breyers French Vanilla ice-cream from the carton..."

"Pathetic..."

"Want some?"

"Sure, I'll grab a spoon--"

"Why? Do I have cooties?"

"No, sis, just the same shit luck that I have dating."

"Then, if ya already got it, you can't catch it again."

"Thanks for cheering me up."

"Sit down. Tell me about it, little bro."

"What can I tell you that you don't know? It's too bad you are my sister, if--"

"Why?"

"Because if you weren't, then--"

"You'd what?"

"Ask you out... I dunno... Maybe..."

"So that we could sit together in the dark, drink a couple of beers, share ice cream, and watch Richard Harris as a sing-song King Arthur?"

"Gee, sis, that sorta sounds like what we are doing right now."

"So, get with the program, and put your arm around me."

"Okay."

"That's nice."

"Yeah, it is."

***

"Hey, kids, are you two hungry?"

"Uh, yeah, thanks mom."

"You two looked so cute sleeping there on the sofa together."

"I guess we fell asleep watching the movie."

"Yeah... I turned off the television when I got home."

"What can I say? We're lightweights, a couple of beers and poof."

"So, Tony, early evening?"

"Meh... don't ask."

"Apparently, Charlene aint 'all that and a bag of chips.'"

"Sis, she ain't even just 'the bag of chips' all by itself."

"Owch."

"Yeah, well, mom... I've been there, and done that too. Michael was an asshole."

"Maybe we'll just stay here and live with you and dad forever."

"That's fine, we need all the help we can get at the brewery."

***

"So bro, how much beer are you making?"

"I don't know, not exactly."

"You don't know?"

"It's a two barrel system. So, it will hold 62 gallons of wort."

"So we are making 60 gallons of beer?"

"Roughly, I'll add water to the malt extract that I just made, while constantly stirring it, until I get a specific gravity reading of eleven."

"Eleven? Why? Because it's one more?"

"Ha, ha, no... The OG, original specific gravity, tells us how much sugar is in the wort."

"Sugar, that's what turns into alcohol."

"Yeah, there are two ways to measure specific gravity. This way is easier because it uses whole numbers, not fractions in the thousandths."

"What's next?"

"We bring it to a boil."

"We?"

"Well, sis, you seem to be helping."

"I'm trying to... But I don't really know anything."

"It's not all that hard. People have been brewing beer for 5,000 years, since Sumer."

"I wish summer lasted 5,000 years."

"Different summer, sis..."

"I know. So if it's 5,000 years old, why does the sign say 'Seit 1516'?

"That's the Reinheitsgebot. It says only water, barley, hops, and yeast can be used to brew beer."

"So Weizenbier isn't really beer because it contains wheat."

"True... See, it's easy. Once the wort is boiling, we add hops."

"Which makes the mixture bitter?"

"Exactly, so we boil the wort for an hour after tossing in the hops."

"Do we have an hour of free time, or do you have to watch it?"

"We have 45 minutes, we have to add some seaweed with 15 minutes left in the boil, and toss in more hops in the last minute of the boil."

"Seaweed?"

"Irish Moss, it clarifies the mort. Then after the boil, we chill it."

"That sounds like fun."

"Huh?"

"We get it up to a boil, then we chill."

"Are we talking about beer?"

"Yes, bro, we are. But we are not necessarily just talking about beer."

"So, what happens after we chill?"

"You are the brewmaster. You tell me what happens after we chill."

"Well, before we rack it we want to rapidly chill the wort."

"Rack it, you know, I'm not into whips and chains..."

"Ha, ha, sis. Racking means transferring the mort-- just the liquid, not the break, which is what we call all the gunk-- into another vessel. Then we add yeast which converts the sugars to alcohol and our wort becomes beer. Over the next four weeks for this recipe."

"A slow conversion. Sugar becomes an intoxicant... Hmm... That could be fun."

"Taking our time, step by step, being sure. It's not like there is any hurry."

"Are we still talking about beer, bro?"

"Yes, but not necessarily just about beer, sis. If that is what we both want."

"Well, Tony, you are really sweet..."

"As are you..."

"Turning sugars into an intoxicant?"

"An intoxicant, Barb, that might make our heads spin?"

"And become an addiction?"

"Are we still talking about beer?

"No, bro, not any more."